T Nation

Tips To Longer Healthier Life


#1

I got this in an email

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste
them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart
will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of
your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.


--

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat
chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of
vegetable products.


--

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that
means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the
goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!


--

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If
you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.


--

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!


--

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad
for you?


--

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


--

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best
feel-good food around!


--

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.


--

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!


#2

That's class.


#3

did you not check your email since 1996?


#4

Read the comics!


#5

no, I just now got bored enough to read the forwards.


#6

It's not funny, it's just what a sportsman hears the whole day when working with fat fucks.


#7

Its funny because ironically people could read that and not see it as a joke, think its serious.


#8

That is funny as fuck!!

1:1 bodyfat ratio!!!

If swimming is good explain whales!!

Quality !!


#9

One hour of cardio adds two hours to your life...

Source:

ISSA
FITNESS THE COMPLETE GUIDE
EDITION 8.1.5
BY FREDERICK C. HATFIELD, PhD

A.K.A. "Dr. Squat"


#10

oh, now i know what ive been doing wrong! =-]


#11

I can't remember the "doctor" who sent that flyer out, but I got one too.

Place it in the circular file under "G" for garbage!

At the last High School reunion that I attended I got to see first hand what zero exercise and eating whatever you want any time you want does for you.

It was not a pretty picture!

When you fail to live your life with discipline you will reap the results!