Your watching your team or favourite show on tv, the wife comes in to ask will you take her out tonight…
Whats the problem here?
You made her chain from the kitchen too long.
I presume people are goin easy on the content of the jokes…I’ve got some jokes that could piss people off .
If they are as shit as your other jokes don’t bother 
_What did one gay sperm say to the other?
…How we gonna find an egg in all this shit?
-What do a hockey player and a black woman have in common?
They both change their pads after 3 periods.
-What’s the difference between Jesus and a painting?
It only takes one nail to hang a painting.
-What do Wal-mary and Michael Jackson have in common??
They both have little boys undies half off.
-One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver. She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so. She says, “Anything you say can and will be Held against you.”
He replies “BREASTS.”
-How do you starve a mexican to death?
Hide his food stamps under his work boots.
-What’s the difference between a Jew and a canoe?
THe canoe tips.
-What happened to the asian with a boner who ran into the wall?
He broke his nose.
-What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?
Either way, someone’s losing a trailer.
[quote]alaw4516 wrote:
-What happened to the asian with a boner who ran into the wall?
He broke his nose.[/quote]
Ha ha ha! Holy fuck I couldn’t stop laughing at this one!
Does that make me a bad person?
[quote]Makavali wrote:
alaw4516 wrote:
-What happened to the asian with a boner who ran into the wall?
He broke his nose.
Ha ha ha! Holy fuck I couldn’t stop laughing at this one!
Does that make me a bad person?[/quote]
Nope that does not, but sheep fucking does
[quote]Electric_E wrote:
Nope that does not, but sheep fucking does[/quote]
Sheep need love too.
[quote]Makavali wrote:
Electric_E wrote:
Nope that does not, but sheep fucking does
Sheep need love too.[/quote]
But mostly they need discipline.
[quote]Makavali wrote:
Electric_E wrote:
Nope that does not, but sheep fucking does
Sheep need love too.[/quote]
Ya from other sheep
What not to say to an Arab chick’s father:
DAMN YOU MUST BE A TERRORIST CAUSE YOUR DAUGHTER IS THE BOMB!!!
For some reason they don’t find it funny at all.
1.Whats brown and half eaten?
The popes easter egg.
2.Y are womens feet smaller than mens?
So they can stand closer to the sink
- Whats green and yellow and cuts my grass?
I can paint my slave whatever colour i want
- Whats the difference between a Jew and a Pizza.
The Pizza wont scream in the oven.
[quote]ukrainian wrote:
Electric_E wrote:
Renton may chip in with his sick stuff later
I have to beat Renton to this one:
What’s better that fucking twenty seven year olds?
There is twenty of them.
I am sorry, but I had to.[/quote]
Git - I actually thought of that as soon as I saw my name mentioned at the top of this thread.
Ok - Try this…
Q. How do you know your sister has got her period?
A. Your dad’s dick tastes funny.
Here’s a few classics…
Q. What’s pink, shrivelled and makes women upset?
A. Cot death
Q. What is blue and doesn’t fit?
A. A dead epileptic.
Q. What’s red and sits in the corner?
A. A baby chewing on a razor blade.
Q. What’s small, brown and spits?
A. A baby in a frying pan.
Q. What’s the difference between a truck load of sand and a truck load of dead babies?
A. You can’t unload the sand with a pitch fork.
Q. What’s the difference between a 67’ Chevy and a pile of dead babies?
A. I don’t have a 67’ Chevy in my garage.
Q. What’s more fun that nailing a baby to the wall?
A. Ripping it off again.
Q. What’s the best thing about fucking a two year old?
A. Your dick looks MASSIVE in photos.
Q. How do you make a three year old cry twice?
A. Wipe your bloody cock on its favourite teddy.
[quote]paul496 wrote:
I presume people are goin easy on the content of the jokes…I’ve got some jokes that could piss people off .
[/quote]
Post them and we’ll see.
I bet I can get sicker than you though.
I’m having a real bad day.
I walked past the mental hospital earlier
and all the patients were shouting “13…13…13”
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little knothole in the planks and looked through to see what was going on.
Someone poked me in the eye with a stick!
Then they all started shouting “14…14…14…”
When you go to bed at night, and forget to shut down your computer, I think that you ought to know what actually goes ON. Imagine: It’s 2 AM. Do YOU know where your icons are and what they are doing? Click on this site to see what happens when you leave the computer on all during the night.
Swearing at Work
Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals throughout
the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation
with their colleagues.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended,
this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.
Therefore, a list of 13 New and Innovative “TRY SAYING” phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
-
Try Saying:
I think you could do with more training
Instead Of: You don’t have a fucking clue, do you? -
Try Saying:
She’s an aggressive go-getter.
Instead Of: She’s a fucking power-crazy
bitch -
Try Saying:
Perhaps I can work late
Instead Of: And when the fuck do you expect
me to do this? -
Try Saying:
I’m certain that isn’t feasible
Instead Of: Fuck off ass-wipe -
Try Saying:
Really?
Instead Of: Well fuck me backwards with
a telegraph pole -
Try Saying:
Perhaps you should check with…
Instead Of: Tell someone who gives a fuck. -
Try Saying:
I wasn’t involved in the project.
Instead Of: Not my fucking problem, mate. -
Try Saying:
That’s interesting.
Instead Of: What the fuck? -
Try Saying:
I’m not sure this can be implemented
within the given timescale.
Instead Of: No fucking chance mate. -
Try Saying:
It will be tight, but I’ll try to schedule it in
Instead Of: Why the fuck didn’t you tell
me that yesterday? -
Try Saying:
He’s not familiar with the issues
Instead Of: He’s got his head up his fucking
ass. -
Try Saying:
Excuse me, sir?
Instead Of: Oi, fuck face. -
Try Saying:
Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway
Instead Of: Yeah, who needs fucking holidays
anyway.
For fucks sake help me out here guys!!!
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, ‘Ma’am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you’ll forgive me.’
She replies, ‘If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 221.’