It has been a while since a saw a good joke thread up so you must all have some noew ones.
Mine are mostly from text msgs and may be offensive to some people, but if you can’t have a laugh then stop reading now.
Lets start with the best tattoo I have ever seen:
Midwife says to Paddy, “congratulations your wife just had triplets!” Paddy says “I am not suprised I have a cock like a chimney” Midwife replies " Well I would get it swept cos they’re all black"
Nike are now making trainers just for lesbians, you get 50% more tongue and you can get them off with one finger
An Englishman, American and an Iraqi are at the top of the Empire state building, the American tells the Iraqi that the wind currents at the top of the building allow you to float on air, he then jumps off the side of the building floats around for 5 minutes and gets back onto the ledge, the Iraqi tries it and falls to his death, the Englishman says “Fuck me superman you are a cruel cunt when you are pissed”
An old lady and an old man meet in a nursing home, they fall in love and one night go to bed together, the next morning the man says to his lover “If I knew you was a virgin I would have took it slowly” She replies “If I knew you was going to get an erection I would have took my tights off”
Little sally came home from school and told her mum she saw Billy’s penis and it reminded her of a peanut “is that because it was really small?” asked her mum “No because it tasted really salty” replied Sally.
A married couple visit the zoo and when walking past the gorilla cage a big silverback notices the wife in her low cut top and hot pants and starts to get excited “why don’t you tease him a bit” says the husband, so the wife starts to rub herself up and the Gorilla gets very excited beating his chest and jumping up and down, the man then grabs his wife and pushes her into the cage locking the door behind her “Now tell HIM you have a fucking headache” shouts the husband as he wanders off.
There was controversy at last months Australian gold coast surf event, when the top place was won by an Indonesian man on a cupboard
That’s all I have for now.
Renton may chip in with his sick stuff later