T Nation

Threesome

I don’t live my life walking on eggshells. I would never suggest to my wife “let’s bring another dude into bed” just to see her reaction, and whether or not I should get pissed off about it.

If she's just fucking with her husband's head, then he should find a wife who doesn't play girl games. For some reason, we're just supposed to put up with women fucking with our heads. Sorry, life is too short for that.

You two were molested as children, weren’t you?

Are you one of those guys who has to wash his dick with a rag on a stick because he thinks his penis is “naughty” or “dirty”?

Franks: If she is just putting shit out there to see what happens - then Nick needs to get himself a WOMAN and leave the 12 year old girls alone. Women only get away with this kind of shit (yeah, I know it happens way to often) because of pussywhipped, pantywaisted men ALLOWING then to get away with it. No, being monogamous does not necessarily equate to being a dickless wonder; just most of the time it does. Most men would LOVE to get new pooty whenever and wherever they could but don’t because of the lil’ woman. THAT’S being the pussywhipped pantywaist. If you are not one of those men - the shoe doesn’t fit does it?


JRC: Good Fuckin’ grief! Ok, so if I like sex because it feels good and I don’t buy into some Puritanical, bullshit, patriarchal, societally-induced conformity crap it means I was molested as a child? Interesting. Well, as a matter of fact, a lot of crap did happen during adolescense and maybe, just maybe, it’s BECAUSE of that that I’ve been able to shed my desire for sheepdom and developed the ability to think for myself and not give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks. Maybe EVERYONE should have a shitty period in life to teach them to be REAL people and not just some maroon spewing the same crap that their holy parents swallowed from their cannonized grandparents. Now, if you happen to have done some INDEPENDENT thinking and come to whatever conclusions about sexual matters that are right for YOU (sans the social acceptance factor) - then more power to you and bravo for not being a sheep! Whatever you have decided is awesome! Just fuckin’ give me the same right to have my own set of morals to live by without your coming to the conclusion that I must be “damaged” in order to be able to think freely and therefore my set of morals is inferior to yours! Just because we may differ does not make one of us “right” and the other “wrong”. FUCK…some people just don’t get it.

Hey Dublin, I’ve got a great idea. Why don’t you get married, bring yourself and your new wife over to my house, and then 10 of my friends and I will gangbang and sodomize your wife while you watch and we videotape it. Then, after a few years, once you Mrs. Dublin have had a few little Dublins, I can send the videotape to you so your kids can watch it and they can see how “normal” their parents are. You can tell them, “Mommy was just experimenting and having fun. This is totally normal and I encourage you kids to do it, too.” And yeah Dublin, I’m laughing my fucking ass off as I write this. Have a nice day!

Man, you’re awfully bitter. Did all of this happen to you? I mean, I’m talking about my wife munching rug, and here you are with some homoerotic fantasy of an 11 man gangbang/assfuck fest.

If that happened to you and all, I'm sorry. I'm sure I wasn't involved, as I don't do threesomes where I'm not the only guy.

Sounds like you're projecting your own fears/fantasies/realities onto me. Instead of tearing you a new one, I'll leave you with a joke:

You know what the difference between a priest and a zit is?

Zits don't come on your face until you're 13.

That was a joke? Oh well, what do you expect from a drunk anyway?

To be completely honest, all of my previous posts were meant to be in good humor and not personal at all (what can I say; I’m at work and bored). Personally, I thought my gangbang suggestion was pretty funny. So hopefully, no hard feelings. Anyway, I’m not married yet, but I have no problem admitting that I’m sure that it would do a little more than bother me to have my wife suggest that we bring someone else to bed (regardless of the person’s sex). Getting drunk and bagging two chics at once while in college or something is one thing, but doing something like this with the woman I’m married to and will be the mother of children is something I would want to touch. But to each their own.

Karma - I considered this point about 10 seconds after I hit ‘post’ - I agree that playing games is shitty but its commonplace enough that we spent half of my sociology course in undergrad discussing it at various levels. Oh well… its kind of a moot point i suppose. I don’t know if I’m becoming weird, but honestly my interest in sex is not anywhere near as high as it was a year ago (and lets not even get into 18 months ago… things that would have made Karma applaud!!) I guess its hard to make any values statements about it when in my mind - its not THAT important anymore. Might just be my stress levels but i doubt it. I notice plenty of gorgeous women on my campus (the #1 party school in the nation, thank you) but at most i usually just smile. I guess I just can’t relate to the need for a threesome - but if someone else sincerely can, thats cool for them.

Karma do I have this right? If I see some hot babe and I don’t nail her because I’m married does that mean I’m puusywhipped? I would think a real T-Man would respect his partner. Would it be ok for your man to bang some chic because he wanted to or would he be pussyfied for not doing so? Is it ok for you to do the same? Perhaps I read your post wrong, but to me it sounds like you want have your cake and eat it too.

Um, no, that was not what I said. What I said is "Now, if you happen to have done some INDEPENDENT thinking and come to whatever conclusions about sexual matters that are right for YOU (sans the social acceptance factor) - then more power to you and bravo for not being a sheep! Whatever you have decided is awesome! Just fuckin’ give me the same right to have my own set of morals to live by without your coming to the conclusion that I must be “damaged” in order to be able to think freely and therefore my set of morals is inferior to yours! Just because we may differ does not make one of us “right” and the other “wrong”. I bolded it for you so it would be easier to understand.

I don’t give a rat’s ass if someone does or does not involve themselves in something other than strict monogamy. I have issues with people being sheep and doing things to placate others when, if left to their own devices, they’d do something else entirely. Yes, those are MY issues. They don’t have to be anyone else’s issues. A lot of folks on this forum have a very similar issue with people being sheep when it comes to diet and exercise and there are a great many theads on this matter…but they don’t see that most of them are actually sheep just the same when it comes to the “socially acceptable” things in life. How many men stand up to the women in their life and say “Before we even start to date, let me tell you that I love pussy. I may fall in love with you and want to marry you and all that happy horseshit but I will always love and want pussy. Accept that or reject it; that’s how I am.” If a man feels this way - the only “T-man” thing to do is to speak it and live it.


Regarding if a real T-man should respect his wife - absolutely! Respect the hell out of her. Hopefully she deserves it. But don’t castrate yourself in the process of respecting a female (or a male for that matter). That’s all. Be true to who you REALLY are. There are too many facets in life where we have to temper our true selves (to hold gainful employment comes to mind) to ALSO have to temper our true selves within our private relationships.

To answer your question about my personal life…when I started seeing my honey, we were both of the same mind - no games and open communication regardless of the other’s feelings. This is not something we did to be “harsh” with eachother, but is a tool to be used so that no one can complain that something was said or done to placate/keep the peace/mollify/impress the other. A result of this is that we have a fucking awesome relationship where both of us are the insanely satisfied in every way, shape and form; more than we’ve ever been or ever hope to be (no relationship is perfect but this is as close -as I think is humanly possible for the two of us). We have something of an open relationship. We both recognize the fact of human attraction not being confined solely to marital partners and the fatal flaw of patriarchal, Judeo-Christian societies in regards to the strictures placed on marriage. We have discussed and come to a mutually agreable conclusion on who, how, when and under what circumstances strict monogamy is to be applied, or not applied (as the case may be). What we do works for us and is the result of both of us being absolutely true to ourselves, open with eachother, and respectful of eachother - which is the only way a marraige can be anything but a failure in my humble opinion.

JRC: Sorry to jump your ass, man. Joking is a wonderful thing but is sometimes hard to tell from bigotry when seen only in text format. Perhaps a smiley face at the end of a sentence would help allay future misconstruals.

Nick, I would be careful about what your wife wants. If you have any reservations about going ahead with this - and you do find a chick to threesome with, it will fuck with your mind big time. My wife went off on a trip with two other girls and I told her to bring back pictures of the three of them together naked and getting it on. Well, when she came home she did bring pictures home and they were of the three of them getting it on. I honestly thought this wouldn’t bother me but when I saw what my wife was doing I couldn’t help but feel betrayed and jealous. It will fuck with your head - you will start thinking shit like - if she can get it on with another chick what would stop her from doing that with and guy. Maybe she does this with them all the time. Maybe she’s a fucking dyke! Just leave fantasy as that - fantasy - that’s what makes sex so great in the first place - we have imaginations that wont quit - some people act on those fantasies (above) and some people value the true meaning of love and marriage.

I read your post the same way ShitDisturber did. You said:

“…being monogamous does not necessarily equate to being a dickless wonder; just most of the time it does. Most men would LOVE to get new pooty whenever and wherever they could but don’t because of the lil’ woman. THAT’S being the pussywhipped pantywaist.”

So at what point are we supposed to act on our desires/urges? When is the right time to go out and decide its time to get some new 'tang? I have urges just like everyone else, yet I don’t necessarily act on those urges. Sometimes I want to beat the shit out of my boss, but do I do it? No. Why? Because I know I’d regret it later.

Same issue here. Nick is unsure of whether he wants to pursue this or not. The only sound advice to give him right now, I think, is “don’t do it”. While I agree with you, ~karma~, that it’s inexcuseable for a woman to say things like “let’s have a threesome” just to fuck with her husband’s head, I do not think that this guy should act on this simply because it’s a chance to pork some new puss.

Monogamy may not work for everyone, but there’s nothing wrong with working on being monogamous either. This is obviously a subject you’re passionate about, and if your relationship is working well, then that’s great. It truly is. But everyone needs to figure this stuff out for themselves or with their partners.

Tyler

Could you go into a little more detail on the following statement?

"We both recognize the fact of human attraction not being confined solely to marital partners and the fatal flaw of patriarchal, Judeo-Christian societies in regards to the strictures placed on marriage."

I'm just curious. How exactly is this practice "flawed"? It is marriage and that's the point of it. To spend the rest of your life with one person. I would just say don't get married if human attraction is that strong.

“We both recognize the fact of human attraction not being confined solely to marital partners and the fatal flaw of patriarchal, Judeo-Christian societies in regards to the strictures placed on marriage.”
Holy shit!Karma that is some fucked up shit.You seroiulsy beleive that the family and amrraige is a fatal flaw.Marraige and the family is good for society,to loving parents is what is good for children and for men and women.A loving mongogmaous relationship is something to strive for.Clos family bonds are good for society where people are raised with good morals.Wow kamra you are scaring me,maybe reading to much feminism texts.If you invole other partners in a marriage ther are issue of jealosy and men and women separting pretty bad if you have kids,and then ther is stds!having many multiple partenrs in sex is unhealthy considering all the stds including aids and herpes.Just imagine if every marrried couple thought it was okay to sleep outside of marraige and did it frequently stds would rise even more.Karam you truly have problems.People arn’t alwayts monogamous but it is something to strive for,not to abhorr.

Karma the part of your post I was referring to is the one Tyler also responded to. I thought you would have realized that. Maybe I should have put that in bold type so it would be a little easier for you to understand. Your ideas of marriage don’t apply to me as I am an athiest. I also didn’t castrate myself by attaching myself to one person, and frankly I didn’t ask for relationship or life choices advice from you. You apparently think you are expert in that area, perhaps some day you will understand what I’m saying. Unlike some of the younger guys that worship the horny ground you walk on I’ve been there and done that. Maybe it’s time for a reality check. I think your 15 minutes is just about up.

Enjoy divorce court 'cause thats where this is headed.

OK guys, not everyone here apparently wants to be the meat in a woman sandwich, for whatever reason.

So answer me this, then. Are you telling me that if the sex goddess of all of your sexual fantasies approached you wanting commitment free, STD-Free, consequence free sex that you would turn her down? This is a hypothetical, so don't argue that my scenario isn't possible.

If you REALLY would turn down that woman, why? What is it about your partner that is so sexually stimulating as to make you WANT to forsake all others?

As men, we're genetically programmed to want to have sex with as many women as possible. I guess it's our version of a biological clock. So, what about your partner makes you turn off millenia of genetic programming?

Or is it that you WANT to do these things, but self control prevents you from it? If that's the case, then what's wrong with a threesome if the wife is interested?

I'm just trying to understand. I've been in love, had committed relationships, but my desire to screw other women never diminished. Many of you act like you're not even capable of popping wood over a woman other than your wife...

Jack -

It isn’t necessarily just about the opportunity presenting itself (goddess of your dreams propositioning you, etc.), it’s whether it’s right to act on it. I do not have a guiltless conscience and I would always know that I betrayed my woman. That’s the problem. You’re asking why would I would not do something just because the chance presented itself? Me. I may pop wood over a some chick in a magazine when my T’s running high, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to run out and screw a hooker. I may see if my lady is available, or rub one out, or just do nothing. What’s wrong with that?

As for if it was a threesome situation proposed by my wife. Well, same problem. If I’m not sure I won’t have problems after-the-fact, nor do I have any idea whether my wife will or not, then I still think the right thing to do is turn it down. Of course it also depends on how each person feels about their marriage. Personally, I don’t think sex is even close to the end-all be-all of marriage. If that’s what you base it on, you shouldn’t be married. Plain and simple.

Yes, as men there is the innate desire to spread our seed. However, we are humans, not apes or dogs or any other species. And we have to live in a civilized society where people cannot constantly act on their urges and desires… else things would fall apart.

If I had been asked these questions a few years ago, I’m sure I would have answered differently. But because I feel I’m in a great relationship and am in love, I wouldn’t risk that for anything. While sex may not be as exciting as it was in the beginning of our relationship, it is still great. And if things get stale, we try some new things. And if, sometime, we both feel that we both could emotionally handle a threesome and that’s a desire of both of ours, then maybe we’ll consider it. But it isn’t necessarily right to act on one or the other person’s fantasy simply because it is voiced. Both need to be sure they can handle it. Hopefully that addresses some of your questions.

Tyler

Several folks brought up good points which I will address, but it’ll be easier to do so one on one.

Tyler: Your question was “at what point are we supposed to act on our desires?”. This is totally up to you, your mate and the law (I put the law last because in sexual matters it is completely stupid to concern yourself with it - some states still have oral or anal sex as being crimes - but in matters of beating your boss’s ass it would behoove you be aware of the laws). Obviously, if acting on ANY urge would cause you to regret doing so at a later date, then don’t do it. Seems easy enough to understand to me. If your relationship is not established on openness and introducing openness would result in problems for you, then don’t do it. It’s up to you. The last thing I would try to do is to tell another how to live their life. I only speak to what I do and what is important to me. Never said anyone had to do it too - I said they needed to make up their own mind instead of letting society make it up for them.


You also said “the only sound advice to give [Nick] right now, I think, is “don’t do it”.” That’s your right to give advice on what YOU think is right. As it is my right to give advice on what I think is right. Why am I not allowed to have my own opinion without folks freaking on me for it? I never said he HAD to do something, did I?


Also, I never said there was something “wrong” with “working” on monogamy - if that is what YOU have decided is important to YOU. I totally agree that “everyone needs to figure this stuff out for themselves or with their partners”. But when someone asks for advice, we all give OUR own, individual advice and Nick can take it or leave it as he sees fit.