So, there I was walking into the gym locker room feeling what must have been 10,000 foot pounds of pressure in my lower colon and to my luck and surprise, the locker room was empty.
I find an empty aisle, put my bag down and proceed to let loose of what must have been 5 straight minutes of fart. In fact, this fart took enough time for my entire life to flash in front of my eyes.
There I was in the 1st grade trying to hold in a massive hotdog and Coca-Cola induced fart while at a baseball game with my uncle. I missed that whole game because all I could think about was how a kid my size could hold this in until I got home. For some reason, I was afraid of AstroDome bathrooms....and knowing what I know now, I was a smart kid. I hate baseball to this day and that one instance may just be why.
Meanwhile, I continued to fart until I felt 20lbs lighter. Hell, I could almost fly. Relief is truly spelled "Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!"
In amazed me that I had gotten away with this in complete solitude in a crowded gym. Yet, right when I was celebrating my anonymity from ass wind affliction, suddenly several dudes walk in and need to use the very aisle I am on.
It is because of this I recommend public Fart Free Zones...in churches, fast food places, long meetings, long car rides with your girl, and during Thanks Giving Dinner.
Thank you and have a great day.