T Nation

Thought Of The Day


So, there I was walking into the gym locker room feeling what must have been 10,000 foot pounds of pressure in my lower colon and to my luck and surprise, the locker room was empty.

I find an empty aisle, put my bag down and proceed to let loose of what must have been 5 straight minutes of fart. In fact, this fart took enough time for my entire life to flash in front of my eyes.

There I was in the 1st grade trying to hold in a massive hotdog and Coca-Cola induced fart while at a baseball game with my uncle. I missed that whole game because all I could think about was how a kid my size could hold this in until I got home. For some reason, I was afraid of AstroDome bathrooms....and knowing what I know now, I was a smart kid. I hate baseball to this day and that one instance may just be why.

Meanwhile, I continued to fart until I felt 20lbs lighter. Hell, I could almost fly. Relief is truly spelled "Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!"

In amazed me that I had gotten away with this in complete solitude in a crowded gym. Yet, right when I was celebrating my anonymity from ass wind affliction, suddenly several dudes walk in and need to use the very aisle I am on.

Damn it.

It is because of this I recommend public Fart Free Zones...in churches, fast food places, long meetings, long car rides with your girl, and during Thanks Giving Dinner.

Thank you and have a great day.


X, you are a gentleman. The guys in the band are proud of their farts, and rate a winner on 3 criteria: loudness, stench and duration. Sure, the long loud ones are funny, but when the stank comes up, the fun is over.


Thanks for sharing your experience, we have all been there and felt the same satisfaction you did, its one of a kind...the Hall of Warriors would embrace this experience with open arms!


truly something to ponder on. and there is a feeling of a great freeing of the soul when you cut one loose that has been held back for so long.


so im evil because I dont fary enough?


No, you can have a evil free soul. farting does not equate with evil or not.


What is "enough" farting?

the average person farts 14 times a day.

The average bodybuilder farts one continuous fart for 24 hours.

One of these stats is true.


Prof, are you high on farts?


Ok, sooooooo


So then next 10 pages will be about functional farting vs non-functional farting?


I am moderate on farts right now. I am near zero on farts when I drop my carb intake and drop calories. I am HIGH on farts if I go back to whey protein 3 times a day.

Did you answer the question?

This is like asking a man if he is "high" on scratching his nuts.


Good point now that you mention it.

Seeing who amongst your frat brothers can push one out the loudest without soiling himself is NONfunctional farting.

Crop dusting the entire row of obese people on treadmills is FUNCTIONAL farting.

We can get into Pulse Farts later as soon as the "I, Fart" training program is released.


^ Lol. You know its coming X, all the younguns will be asking you how they can be a functional farter not a non-functional farter.


I believe the optimal number of farts is dependent on the person...and situation

For example, a guy in a cr in the winter on a date cannot fart once if he wants pussy.

Whereas the same guy can let loose as many as 29 while home alone without fear.

Your question makes no sense. I suggest you go to the beginners forum...newbs, always asking qiestions and shit.


Sooo is there some advice on being a functional farter??


Shugart will get in on this and have F-Life, the F-Diet designed for maximum wind generation and scent creation.




^ So we can go Powerfarting Vs. Strongfarting.


You must fart on an exercise ball in order to get maximum core response.

I perfer to step over the fart log, you know every guy does it, slightly raising one foot like you're stepping over a log, AKA the fart log.



Probably THE funniest thread here in a long time!