T Nation

Thinking About Death


Ever thought about how you will die? I have, but now, no more pondering. I know!
Would you like to know too?

Check out this site:


It told me: "A disgruntled cook at the local bar and grill poisons your food. You suffer in agony for days until the poison eventually kills you"


A crazed man on the golf course beats you to death with a golf club.

Fuck golf.


The first time with just my first name I got:
"You are beaten to death by a group of thugs in a dark alley."

Then with my whole name I got:
"After haggling over the price of meat, an enraged butcher beats you to death with a frozen beef tongue."

I guess I'm not going to escape the fact that I'll be beaten to death...


While walking up an escalator, your shoelace gets caught in the moving stairs, and you are dragged all the way to the top. You die from internal injuries.

Only velcro for me from now on.


"You are taken hostage as part of a bank robbery. When law enforcement refuses to meet the demands of the suspect, the suspect shoots you in the head to prove to the cops that he means business."

Dammit, I hate waiting in bank lines as it is, no I gotta look out for this asshole?


The prediction for your death had me laughing until I cried and my abs ached. My sister then had to check on me to make sure everything's all right. I showed her your post, and then she started laughing until crying, and abs aching.


An angry neighbor puts a letter bomb into your mailbox. While retreiving the mail, your hands are blown off, and you die from rapid blood loss.

Well shit



When using my full legal name....

While sunbathing in your yard, a commercial airliner accidentally unloads its waste tank. You are impaled by several spears of frozen urine which fall from 30,000 feet above you.
Doubtful since I never layout.

Using what everyone calls me, Dan
A crazed man in a hardware store fatally attacks you with a garden hoe.
Very probable considering how much time I seem to spend at Lowes these days.


I suppose if you're going to know how you will die, might as well know when. This site counts down the seconds to your death:



"While attempting to unclog your garbage disposal with your bare hand, your wife inadventently turns on the disposal. Your hand is quickly mangled by the blades, and you bleed to death."

Right. Note to self: never have a wife and a garbage disposal simultaneously.


First name:

You die of heart failure after a night of mixing pain killers and hard liquor.

Damn. I don't have any painkillers, thankfully. But I do have some vodka...

First and last names:

While on a group tour of a candy factory, you fall over a guardrail and land on a taffy pulling machine. Your head, torso, and legs are ripped into three separate sections.

That's even worse! I'll stick w/ the booze and pills, thanks!


You are involved in a car accident while failing to wear your seatbelt. You are thrown through the windshield, and your lifeless body is splattered onto the street.

I will "always" wear my seatbelt now. With my luck, I'll wear my seatbelt and get into an accident and the seatbelt will jam and I'll be trapped in a burning car/truck. I'm going to have to find my emergency seatbelt cutter...and keep it in arms length.


Aw c'mon... this is what I got?

While having fun with fireworks, an M-80 blows up in your hand. You die from massive blood loss.

I guess I will have to stick to sparklers from now on.


just first name:

While running to your car, you stumble on a curb and your body is thrown violently to the street. Moments later, you are engulfed and mutilated by a street sweeper.

First and Last name:

While eating dinner at home alone, you begin to choke. Unable to breathe and unable to call for help, you quickly pass out and die.

Fuck either way whether goin out or stayin in I'm gonna die =(

and I will die on:

Thursday, September 18, 2059

Which makes me 74 when I go...not tooo bad...but come on...can't I at least get 80!!


That's just depressing. My BMI is 26 at 160, but I think the smoker thing kills me....watch I'll get hit by a damn car tommorow and that will be the end of it.


As the unfortunate target of a serial killer, a rope is tied around your wrists, and a second rope is tied around your ankles. The ropes are tied together and hung on a hook from the ceiling, leaving you suspended facing the ground. Concrete blocks are placed onto your back until the weight becomes so great, your arms and legs are torn from your body.

Mine is just too complicated. I'm not happy with that but I guess I'll just have to live with it. The B&D part ain't so bad though.


After a heated argument with a crazed dry cleaner, he savagely strangles you to death with your own pants.

First and Last:
Being depressed with life in general, you commit suicide by cutting your throat with a hacksaw.

Son of a Bitch. I'm never taking my uniform to get dry cleaned again. wait....guess i'll just have to pack heat!


What the fuck?

First Name:
Being depressed with life in general, you commit suicide by cutting your throat with a hacksaw.

First and Last:
You commit suicide after being diagnosed HIV positive.



Using first initials and last name:

You are ravaged by a pack of dingoes while touring the Australian outback.

Using full name:

While playing baseball, a disgruntled player beats you to death with a bat.

First and last:

An ex-friend beats you to death with a full gallon of paint.

I guess I'll go by my initials from now on. I only use that when authoring papers, so I suppose I'll die an unappreciated scientists death...


Type in "fuck you" for the name.