T Nation

Things You'd Like to Ask Your Dogs

When you’re riding in the pickup with me do you know I’m the one controlling it or do you think we’re all just sitting there while it drives itself.


Do you purposely choose to shit in the worst places at the worst times? It cannot by incidental every time!

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Do you think I’m pretty?


Do you like me putting you in my sweaty chalked up gym clothes or not?


Are the smells really that good?

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You seem to be having so much fun. Is it really that good being a dog?


If you could be a cat for a day would you abuse your powers & be even more psychopathic than real cats are or would you use it as an opportunity to build bridges between the feline and canine world?

Is rolling around in shit really THAT much fun?

Are poodles gay?

Take Ecstasy much?

Was Turner & Hooch really that much of a tear jerky film or am I just a big soft bastard?

You thoughts on string theory?


A pack animal like a dog with a cat’s intellect and penchant for melodramatic outbursts will end up becoming a SJW.


I’d ask her “Whosagoodpuppywuppydoggywoggy?!?”

She used to get so happy she’d turn sideways and start hopping (big goofy pit), but now she’s old and deaf with no more hop.


Do I get on your nerves sometimes?

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Why do you enjoy my company so much?

Why do you look at me disapprovingly?

How come when your flea treatment kicks in, they come to me?

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Why do you let the puny cats boss you around?

Why do you enjoy the cat shit more than the cat food?

Why do you enjoy the cat shit more than the dog food?

Why do you eat the bun and not the hot dog?

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For what it’s worth, I think dogs know the driver is in control. This opinion is based on my wife recently having a bad crash with our dog in the van. Now he’s afraid to drive with her but just fine driving with me.

It’s not the vehicle because the van is a goner and we are sharing the truck for now. It’s not the association of her in the vehicle because he is fine if I’m driving and she’s a passenger. It would be interesting to see how he acts if she’s driving while I’m a passenger. The one thing that gives me some doubt on my little theory is when my wife is driving it is usually just the two of them. When I’m driving with him it’s almost always with 2-3 kids so he has company for moral support.

I think I’m going to have to get all scientific and do two experiments. The first will be I’ll take hime out for a drive, just me and him and see how he does. The second will be we’ll take him out but she will be driving and I’ll be the passenger. We’ve actually already done the later when she dropped me off at work a couple times but I wasn’t taking note of how he was doing. My vague recollection is he was nervous.

I’ll try to report back on the results.


Having given this topic some thought, I have some questions I’d like to ask:

Does anything smell bad to you?

Can you tell how big another dog is by the scent they left?

How come you like all dogs instantly but humans have to prove themselves?

What do you consider the hierarchy of our family to be? I’m interested in the answer to this because me and my oldest son are fond of telling my daughter that Havi thinks he out ranks her. We say it jokingly but I think it might be true.

Does it hurt your feelings that the chickens won’t accept you as part of the flock?


I’d like to ask my dog what the heck happened while we were away.

Took a week vacation a couple of weeks ago and had to put her in a kennel. I was kind of worried about it because she’s pretty old- about 15, and was just becoming very frail. She hasn’t been able to walk up or down steps for about two years. Her tail was dropped and she would occasionally poop on the floor. She would sleep probably 20 out of 24 hours a day.

Since we got back, its like the clock got rolled back 5 years. She’s perky, and actually pulled me up the steps to get into the house when I brought her home. She gets up to play, wags her tail all of the time now, signals to go outside on her own, and is even game for going for a walk around the neighborhood when she used to just lay down.

Its kind of weird.

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Maybe she needs a puppy companion. It’s good for the pup to learn manners and it’s good for the older dog to re-live their youth.

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I’m going to convince my teacher that my dog is at stage 4 of her therapy dog training (she’s got a jacket) and take her into school with me just so she gets some closure on where I go for most of the days. I’ll post some photos of her in class if the teacher buys it.

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My elementary school was only about 100 yds. from my house, and my dog knew the bell schedule. She’d come up during recess then go back home until school let out, then come back up and we’d walk home.


That’s really cool.

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Update: My wife drove me to work the last couple days and both trips the pup was shaking (on my lap). I took the kids out yesterday afternoon and as far as I know he was fine in the back seat. I haven’t taken him out alone yet.