T Nation

Things That Piss You Off


Buncha cunts, all of you


I looked on my way out this afternoon, and sure enough, “fined or towed.”

I suppose I’ll continue my crime spree until something actually happens, at which time I will probably ask my husband to trade cars, let the heat cool for a bit, and then decide my next move.


I hear you but the escalator stairs standers don’t bother me much. What does though is the horizontal escalators standers in Airports. WTF. You’re walking along, you come across a platform thats moving and if you walk on it you move the distance twice as fast but oh no, some fucking muppet’s just stop walking. I hate those bastards.


It’s fine if they stand to the fucking SIDE, but when I’m walking at supernatural speed and some asshat has their shit gumming up the path, I get all rage-y.

What I really want to do is run on one. I know it would feel like the awesome running dreams I have occasionally, where I can go really fast and cover amazing distances and never get winded. But then at the end I’d probably kill myself coming off the thing, because there’s that weird stutter even when you’re walking.


You seem surprised by this…


I take the same approach to these as I do escalators … fuck you for making me feel inferior …

I’ve done this - I suggest you give it a try but it wasn’t as exhilarating as I had originally imagined



I’ve never had this dream. I always have had the ‘can’t run any faster, oh shit, my legs are stuck and the bad guys will get me. oh no, they’re one step away and…I’m awake.’


I want to walk backwards at the exact speed it is travelling forwards, achieving the world’s most perfect moonwalk.


My equivalent of this is I’ll be having a dream where I can fly, so I’m flying about like it ain’t no thang. Then I’ll land for whatever reason and be confronted by some sort of danger, so I think to myself “no big deal - I’ll simply fly off to safety! Wait a minute… it’s not working… oh my god I’ve lost my power and I’m going to diiiieeeeee…”

And then I wake up


Talking of dreams and being pissed off. I underwent a minor op a couple of years ago. When I was under I was dreaming I was headlining Burning Man and had just finished my set and was leaving to go backstage to the gang of beauties waiting for me when the nurse woke me up. Best dream I ever had. When I told her she ruined it for me she just laughed. What a bitch.


You just reminded me. As a young lad, I had laughing gas to fix a chipped tooth. In the dream, I was James from ‘James and the Giant Peach’. A few weeks later, I got in a fight, tooth popped out again, get it fixed, laughing gas, I’m James again. To this day, 23 years later, if I get high and fall asleep, I’m a fucking cartoon from the 90s talking to bugs in a giant peach.


That’s cool as fuck! If you ever come to Scotland I’m getting you loaded on nitrous.

I had a recurring zombie dream for years. It was like my brain’s default ending to a dream when it couldn’t be arsed to think of something original.

Like, I’d be dreaming about something totally innocuous and unrelated to zombies like sitting drinking a cup of tea somewhere, and it’s like my brain would think “fuck it - I have no idea where I’m going with this so just send in the zombies.”

Many a sex dream ruined by a zombie apocalypse.


I’ve done this, and as @polo77j said of running on one, not as much fun as I’d hoped. Instead, I think you should do this:

Edit: it even has a bicep kiss! Perfect blending of interests (gunz and moonwalking).


I can hear you coming, cause of the whistling and tapping.

I know it irritates your more than the whistling and tapping irritates me…so there I stand, still, on an escalator…

…knowingly escalating the situation.


I want to do the back kick … hopefully no one is behind me but if they are, that’s on them


I use escalators reluctantly and generally walk with it, but come to a complete stop prior to getting off. When I was little my mom told me the story (presumably apocryphal) of a kid with a lose shoelace that got it stuck in the escalator and then got his foot ground off. I suspect the reason for this is I was forgetful about shoelaces, in general, but it scared the crap out of me.

Still wary and definitely check my shoelaces (and do my kids, as I’ve passed on this phobia to my children like a good Jew).


My Jewish mother told me the same thing. I think I may actually have checked into it at some point and confirmed that it was a danger, but not sure whether it is currently. Okay, I checked and yes, DANGER DANGER DANGER you can still get sucked under…

About 10,000 escalator-related injuries per year result in emergency department treatment in the United States. (www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov 2013)

My children are wary, too, I would imagine. Another thing my mother got worked up about was feathers - we weren’t allowed to pick them up because they were “dirty, and possibly diseased.” Naturally I warned my children. My husband thinks it’s weird and one day while we were walking with my college-aged son asked if my son picks up feathers he sees on the ground. My son actually shuddered before issuing the party line about dirty and diseased. They repulse me, too, it’s so strongly ingrained.


A friend of mine was the claims investigator/adjuster for an airport.

Those escalators and walkways kept him busy!


Feathers were Bad around my house too. I’m thinking I remember something about tiny worms wiggling off the feathers.

Putting on someone else’s glasses would also damage your eyes.

Mother birds wouldn’t come back to the nest of you messed with it.

I feel like I’m forgetting a couple Super Dangerous ones.