It’s all good. Just glad you hit the brakes instead of the throttle.
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I’m pretty difficult to offend dude. Some of the stuff I say or joke about in the right company is many orders of magnitude worse than anything you’ve posted. The key phrase there is “in the right company”. I wouldn’t share any of that stuff in an environment if I wasn’t 100% sure to avoid offending.
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In memory of Norm MacDonald:
RIP
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No calibrated powerlifting plates… Powerlifting have needs too.
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Holy shit, I had no idea he died today.
Well fuck.
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He was a sincere comedian, which I believe is the best kind of comedian.
1. “Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.”
2. “You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.”
3. “I don’t care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.”
4. “All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.”
5. “It’s a very odd thing with Hollywood, where you do stand-up, you’re good at it, then they go, ‘How would you like to be a horrible actor?’ Then you say, All right, that sounds good. I’ll do that.”
6. “I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.”
7. “There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.”
8. “OJ Simpson was in a different kind of courtroom this week attempting to regain custody of his two children. In order to prove to the court how much he loves his kids, OJ pointed out quote ‘Hey, they’re still alive, aren’t they?’”
9. “Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.”
10. “He has the disease of alcoholism. And he came to me… and he told me, and I’m the kind of guy that likes to look at the bright side of things. So I told him, I said, ‘Richie, it’s true that you have a disease and everything, but I think you got the best one.’”
11. “I saw this one - it was for cat food - at the end of it, it says, ‘All natural food for your cat.’ All natural food? But cat food’s made out of horse meat. Yeah, that’s the way it works in nature: the cat, right above the horse in the food chain.”
12. “You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin’ life again? Man, that’s rough, eh?”
13. “I went to a hypnotist. He put me under a spell, and every time I had a craving for a cigarette, I would throw up. It’s very embarrassing right after sex. I find it pretty hard to get that second date after that. Girls get all snobby after you barf on them.”
14. “They’re like ‘You’re an alcoholic.’ I go ‘No, I’m not.’ and then-apparently that’s what alcoholics say too, you know?”
15. “When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that’s a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.”
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Absolutely in my top 3, and Canadian to boot, so there’s a little pride there for me too.
Time to go marathon his performances and interviews. I’m gonna miss his bizarre stories on Conan.
I like the time he did a long winded moth joke. There must have been a backstory to that.
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Nobody could drop a joke or punchline as dead flat to the floor as Norm.
And that’s saying a lot when somebody is as funny as him. And the way he’d explain them sometimes too.
That was good.
Probably the best joke on the driving for coffee thing Seinfeld did:
@tlgains - this is how a pro does jokes on controversial topics…
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bruh, been doing this for a few months since starting hybrid back in the office … running at 5am suuuuuucks
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I can’t remember the last time I ran for “fitness”. I don’t run for fun…that’s just bonkers.
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I used to run quite a bit. I don’t anymore- my form is bad and my knees hurt after doing it (above baseline soreness)
I still feel a strange obligation to run though
He was basically quoting various tiny excerpts fron Anton Chekov’s books in the joke buildup. Hence the faux-Russian names.
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