Same here with Jersey Mikes sub sandwiches -
Weâve got a frequent flyer (patient) who is 57 but looks 87, has breathing difficulty, but still smokes cigarettes and crack. One day she called 911, but then didnât want to go to the hospital. Her husband was trying talk her into going to the hospital and she starts yelling âYou donât care about me!â
She looked at us, âhe donât care about me, he just want me to thuck his dick!â
At the hospital? Thatâs a novel kink.
I get a kick out of the cyclical way that every 2-3 months someone comes out of nowhere, makes a complete ass of themselves across every corner of the forums, and then disappears completely (except for one, obviously, but at least he seems quarantined to just one section). Always entertaining, but Iâm sure a headache for Chris. I know Iâm forgetting some, but this year I remember:
-ARX guy, absolutely legendary, wish heâd come back
-5/3/1 base program is just 3 sets
-The wannabe model kid
-and now farmerâs walk guy.
Iâm sure there are many Iâm missing in the beginnerâs forum, and a few others I donât read.
Maybe to go with the birthday cake icon next to usernames on join dates we could somehow nominate a âT-Nation Tool of the Month,â to put a little screwdriver or wrench next to the name as they go down in a blaze of dumbassery.
I missed the farmerâs walk guy. Can anyone point me to it?
Has anyone ever FB stalked an ex-girlfriend? One of mine came up in a conversation the other day so I did a quick FB search. I was just curious how she looked, if she was a millionaire, etc⊠Hideous. Like Got Damn father time did a number on this poor girl. Iâm not even being a dick for comedic effect, she looked like the witch that gave Snow White the apple.
Dodged a bullet on that one.
Yesterday the Department of the Treasury was surveilling my house because of tax fraud.
Today it would âbehoove meâ to communicate to whoever the fuck called me about an unpaid debt.
Perhaps, if Iâm lucky, a Nigerian prince will offer me a few million dollars tomorrow.
My favourite is the call that says:
"We have an urgent message about your credit cards. "
3 second pause
âDonât worry thereâs no problem.â
wife says " I just dont know why i cant see any progress, i go to the gym and still i dont seem any different"
I answer âyou dont put enough effort into it, when was the last time you increased the weights on the machines, or added some additional reps. We also need to check your macros, and make sure you are bringing in enough protein to allow for more muscle to form, want me to set you up with a training program and some nutrition apps?â
Blank stare
Two months later, wife says âI just dont know why i cant see any progress, i go to the gym and still i dont seem any differentâ
I answer âyeah, weirdâ
An architect didnât realize myself and my boss were copied on an email. In the email he talks poorly of us, our shared client and how he needs to give the appearance of doing something so we donât ask for money back.
Heâs going to wake up to an uncomfortable email.
Iâm always frightened that if I post something like this, by pure coincidence an ex will do the exact same thing on a knitting forum or something.
Man, this is almost on queue.
A few months ago we moved into a place with floating shelves in the kidâs rooms. They look flimsy, so of course we stack them with books.
Last week, I notice the shelves donât look right. I take all the books off and notice the thing has come away from the wall under the load of the books. God knows how few threads it was actually hanging from.
Me: I took the books off. Donât put them back until I fix it.
Her: okay
The next day, I see books on the shelf again. I take the books down and ask if she heard what I said. She said she had and it was ridiculous that bookshelves couldnât hold books.
Me: âBookshelves can hold books, theyâre decorative and not bookshelvesâ
Her: âBut they can hold some books?â
Me: âLet me show youâ
I proceed to show her the shelf which had some stuffed toys. Flush against the wall, moves slightly. Then I show the shelf with books, wobbles all over the place.
Her: âLet me tryâ. Proceeds to nearly rip off the other shelf off the wall. Then tells me they are the same.
Me: Takes a pencil. âThat just shows you how flimsy these things are. Now see how I can get nearly half the tip of this pencil in this big gap between the shelf and the wall? And none of the tip between this other shelf and the wall? Thatâs badâ
âI would not have anything remotely hard or heavy hereâ (this thing is above our sonâs bed)
This is where I get told to stop mansplainingâŠ
So today the thing collapsed.
Her: âThe bookshelf fell off the wallâ
Me: âAre the kids okay?â
Her: âYes, we were outâ
Me: âThatâs the important thingâ
Her: âWhy do they make bookshelves that canât hold books?â
Me: âWho knows?â
This is the answer ⊠or âyes you do ⊠you just donât put in the workâ then I leave the room
Depending on my mood
There is a local BBQ place like that! Different price EVERY damn time!
Let me guess. You met her in a bar by a military base.
She was hot as shit in a slutty way, tight shirt, big tits, short shorts, hard drinker and smoker. Could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.
Not that I know about this from experience or anything.
I found this way too funny:
https://www.instagram.com/p/BnCWJEpgV3O/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=19xf6pwojymhj
Ever been to a place called tobies outside Camp Geiger? I swear to christ you just described everyâŠerr entertainer there
Had the sister-in-law over with their new baby (just under 4 weeks).
Both her and her husband were stunned that you could interact with a new baby. âWe just hold it and watch TV/browse our phonesâ lol
Jesus ⊠my little guy is just over 2 months and weâve since basically stopped watching TV for the most part and interact with him/us ⊠weâre actually up in Maine hiking this week
This may be a little late, but congrats on the little Polo!!
the world just may survive now that there are more of your genes floating around ~