T Nation

Things That Make You Chuckle


#244

Same here with Jersey Mikes sub sandwiches -


#245

We’ve got a frequent flyer (patient) who is 57 but looks 87, has breathing difficulty, but still smokes cigarettes and crack. One day she called 911, but then didn’t want to go to the hospital. Her husband was trying talk her into going to the hospital and she starts yelling “You don’t care about me!”

She looked at us, “he don’t care about me, he just want me to thuck his dick!”


#246

At the hospital? That’s a novel kink.


#247

I get a kick out of the cyclical way that every 2-3 months someone comes out of nowhere, makes a complete ass of themselves across every corner of the forums, and then disappears completely (except for one, obviously, but at least he seems quarantined to just one section). Always entertaining, but I’m sure a headache for Chris. I know I’m forgetting some, but this year I remember:
-ARX guy, absolutely legendary, wish he’d come back
-5/3/1 base program is just 3 sets
-The wannabe model kid
-and now farmer’s walk guy.
I’m sure there are many I’m missing in the beginner’s forum, and a few others I don’t read.
Maybe to go with the birthday cake icon next to usernames on join dates we could somehow nominate a “T-Nation Tool of the Month,” to put a little screwdriver or wrench next to the name as they go down in a blaze of dumbassery.


#248

I missed the farmer’s walk guy. Can anyone point me to it?


#249

Has anyone ever FB stalked an ex-girlfriend? One of mine came up in a conversation the other day so I did a quick FB search. I was just curious how she looked, if she was a millionaire, etc… Hideous. Like Got Damn father time did a number on this poor girl. I’m not even being a dick for comedic effect, she looked like the witch that gave Snow White the apple.

Dodged a bullet on that one.


#250

Yesterday the Department of the Treasury was surveilling my house because of tax fraud.

Today it would “behoove me” to communicate to whoever the fuck called me about an unpaid debt.

Perhaps, if I’m lucky, a Nigerian prince will offer me a few million dollars tomorrow.


#251

My favourite is the call that says:

"We have an urgent message about your credit cards. "

3 second pause

“Don’t worry there’s no problem.”


#252

wife says " I just dont know why i cant see any progress, i go to the gym and still i dont seem any different"

I answer “you dont put enough effort into it, when was the last time you increased the weights on the machines, or added some additional reps. We also need to check your macros, and make sure you are bringing in enough protein to allow for more muscle to form, want me to set you up with a training program and some nutrition apps?”

Blank stare

Two months later, wife says “I just dont know why i cant see any progress, i go to the gym and still i dont seem any different”

I answer “yeah, weird”


#253

An architect didn’t realize myself and my boss were copied on an email. In the email he talks poorly of us, our shared client and how he needs to give the appearance of doing something so we don’t ask for money back.

He’s going to wake up to an uncomfortable email.


#254

I’m always frightened that if I post something like this, by pure coincidence an ex will do the exact same thing on a knitting forum or something.


#255

Man, this is almost on queue.

A few months ago we moved into a place with floating shelves in the kid’s rooms. They look flimsy, so of course we stack them with books.

Last week, I notice the shelves don’t look right. I take all the books off and notice the thing has come away from the wall under the load of the books. God knows how few threads it was actually hanging from.

Me: I took the books off. Don’t put them back until I fix it.
Her: okay

The next day, I see books on the shelf again. I take the books down and ask if she heard what I said. She said she had and it was ridiculous that bookshelves couldn’t hold books.

Me: “Bookshelves can hold books, they’re decorative and not bookshelves”
Her: “But they can hold some books?”
Me: “Let me show you”

I proceed to show her the shelf which had some stuffed toys. Flush against the wall, moves slightly. Then I show the shelf with books, wobbles all over the place.

Her: “Let me try”. Proceeds to nearly rip off the other shelf off the wall. Then tells me they are the same.

Me: Takes a pencil. “That just shows you how flimsy these things are. Now see how I can get nearly half the tip of this pencil in this big gap between the shelf and the wall? And none of the tip between this other shelf and the wall? That’s bad”

“I would not have anything remotely hard or heavy here” (this thing is above our son’s bed)

This is where I get told to stop mansplaining…

So today the thing collapsed.

Her: “The bookshelf fell off the wall”
Me: “Are the kids okay?”
Her: “Yes, we were out”
Me: “That’s the important thing”
Her: “Why do they make bookshelves that can’t hold books?”
Me: “Who knows?”


#256

This is the answer … or “yes you do … you just don’t put in the work” then I leave the room

Depending on my mood


#257

There is a local BBQ place like that! Different price EVERY damn time!


#258

Let me guess. You met her in a bar by a military base.

She was hot as shit in a slutty way, tight shirt, big tits, short shorts, hard drinker and smoker. Could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

Not that I know about this from experience or anything.


#259

I found this way too funny:


#260

Ever been to a place called tobies outside Camp Geiger? I swear to christ you just described every…err entertainer there


#261

Had the sister-in-law over with their new baby (just under 4 weeks).

Both her and her husband were stunned that you could interact with a new baby. “We just hold it and watch TV/browse our phones” lol


#262

Jesus … my little guy is just over 2 months and we’ve since basically stopped watching TV for the most part and interact with him/us … we’re actually up in Maine hiking this week


#263

This may be a little late, but congrats on the little Polo!!

the world just may survive now that there are more of your genes floating around ~