T Nation

There's No Hope At All!


#1

So I just got my Omron hand-held bodyfat tester in the mail today. Very happy to have it since I've read that's it's one of the more accurate tools.

So, along with my next tester, complimentary batteries (and wasn't that nice?), quick reference guide, and body comp guide, what else did I receive? What lovely "thanks for ordering" gift?

Candy.

That's right, candy. Two pieces, at the bottom of the box.

I'm ordering a tool to test body fat. Why the fuck do I want candy?!

There's no hope, no hope, no nope. No hope at all!

I almost killed myself.


#2

Just in case you didn't kill yourself: What was your bodyfat %?


#3

Yeah, you know the worst part though? Somebody else got the shoe.

Martha


#4

My friend got sweets with his glucometer he got off ebay. Great if you are not happy with your results.


#5

Wait! Don't tell us!

Post a picture and ask everyone to guess... :wink:

S


#6

they didn't include a shoe?
Call them and complain.

I'm not a big fan of hand-held devices for BF readings, or the scales, but I guess when you can't have a qualified person to do skinfolds you gotta use what you can.


#7

Hah! No, I didn't get a shoe, those bastards. And y'all don't wanna see a pix of the shoe I've got, it's just not fly enough. I could never compete with da balla!

Anyway, I managed to live, but it was a close call. As I was hanging from the shower head watching my life flash before my eyes, I realized that I hadn't seen enough pictures of Lindsey Kildow, the Minnesota native competing in the Winter Olympics. While she might not pay much attention to me now, once I win the Powerball I should be able to buy her love. Oh yeah! Plus some new skis so she doesn't wipe out again.

Shortly before the blood vessels in my neck would have popped and my eyes exploded, I managed a herculean feat of strength by ripping the cord from around my neck with my sixteen inch member. Heady with the promise of idle days spent in the erotic company of Lindsey, I rushed into the living room to measure my bodyfat.

"What?! No shoe! SHIT!" I wailed. "I will NEVER be as lean as eliteballa!"

My mind returned to the shower, but only for a moment. After all, even if Lindsey doesn't give me the time of day, there's always Jessica Alba.

16.7%


#8

hahahaha! I don't even know if this was that funny but it sure as hell had me laughing


#9

Listen here, balla-wannabe, there was nothing funny about this! I almost died! It was a very traumatic experience. I'll be in therapy for months. Hopefully on Lindsey's bed -- I mean, couch.

Hey, I wonder if the women's curling team practices tantra... er, psychology? Three of them are from Minnesota and one's just across the border in Cheese-Land, so it'd be a short trip.


#10

NO WAIT !!!!

Don't TELL US!!!

I will guess 16.6% even without a shoe or a pic ...

Am I close?

\|/ 3Toes