There is a war going on inside that I cannot escape from. It keeps me tormented and conflicted through days and nights. Restless, I cannot find satisfaction. I am without relaxation. I feel inadequate and subpar, at the same time, must fight and justify myself.
I have a lack of accomplishment that satisfies myself, I have a need to actualize myself, be real, be whole. I can hide behind booze, or blame it on women but anyways about it, the unidentifoiable yearning doesn't go away.
I need something more, to reach an ultimate level, a self-creation into some identifiable perfection; mentally, spiritually and physically. This force within me is suicidal, it is self-destructive. It won't stop no matter what happens, there seems to never be peace. A limitless, starving ambition.
I don't know how to reach the level, that will satisfy it. This suffering seems to be endless.