T Nation

The Testosexual Manifesto

This is an article I wrote a while back. Seasoned T-Men be warned, you might not find it too interesting. I wrote it mainly for myself and for people my own age (15-20 years old) just starting off on this great journey in the iron game. (I figured this was the most appropriate place to put it, although the beginners forum may have been better.) Let me know what you think:

The Testosexual Manifesto
By Nate Green

Today?s T-man is a rare breed. Even rarer is a young T-man?a species that is relatively non-existent and thrives in certain subcultures only if you prepare a grass-and-stick habitat and punch holes in the top of the can.

Pop culture presented my generation with an alternative type of ?ideal? male a while back, and the aftershocks are still being felt today. Metrosexuality took us by the balls, placed a rubber band around them, and exclaimed triumphantly, ?We now have your manhood! Take this wine list and moisturizing lotion so we can market you as a sensitive ?new-breed? of male and pound the ignorant band-wagon-jumping consumer in the ass a little harder!?

Metrosexuality made it cool to pay $125 dollars for a goddamn pair of jeans, and $4.50 for a double, white chocolate, mocha latte. Metrosexuality caused my gym to be overrun with guys in their late-teens and early-twenties doing nothing but crunches and bicep curls. Metrosexuality convinced me that I should shave my happy-trail and nipple hair.

Essentially, Metrosexuality told a generation of young, once-virile men that we should try real hard to forget about that thing hanging between our legs and transform ourselves into femmy, sensitive eunuchs.

With all that in mind, allow me to introduce a newer, more sophisticated and raw breed of young male; a weird type of animal that buys lotion with a different purpose in mind. Here?s a young man who could give a shit less what people think of him, as long as he?s being true to himself. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, I present you with:
The Testosexual.
Please, hold your applause.

Testosexual is actually just a derivative of the modern-day T-Man, with a bit of alteration to patch the age gap. By no means am I calling the T-man old?just maybe a bit more worldly and experienced. Testosexual is cool, hip, and one (insert additional generic adjective here) son-of-a-bitch.

Like the T-Man, Testosexual prides himself on his ambition. He aspires to learn as much as possible and never turns a deaf ear to the advice of his colleagues. Also like the T-Man, Testosexual is confident in his ability and trains not only his body, but his mind as well. Sharp as a tack, and sturdy as a two-by-four, the Testosexual is a well-rounded manifestation of dedication, morals, ideals, training, conditioning, discipline and virility.

In the fitness world, Testosexual does not fall victim to mainstream marketing ploys. He uses bodybuilding magazines as toilet paper and gets his reading material from much more knowledgeable sources. He doesn?t blow outrageous amounts of money on sugar-filled supplements and diuretic ?fat-burners.? He?s way too intelligent to fall for stupid bar graphs that show the correlation between a ?miracle muscle gain elixir? and a placebo.

Testosexual trains with vigor and always has a plan of attack in the gym. He strays away from his ignorant counterparts who convene by the bench press and compare pecs. He doesn?t listen to brain-dead personal trainers, or give any heed to gym-rat philosophy. Testosexual trains effectively. He?s in, he hits it hard, and he?s out. He even manages to score the number of the hot chick who?s popping out of her spandex behind the front counter.

Testosexual takes his education seriously. He doesn?t put up with bullshit professors who lecture straight out of the text book, and lets the condescending cock-suckers know it. He reads books other than those classroom-assigned novels, and relishes in the fact that he?s enhancing his vocabulary and expanding his knowledge while his cohorts sit gawk-eyed in front of Seinfeld re-runs.

On Friday night, Testosexual would rather spend his time engaging in stimulating conversation over coffee than guzzling kegs of Budweiser at a frat party and waking up the next morning with the female equivalent of Ronnie Coleman. When he does indulge, though, Testosexual leaves the piss-beer for the pussies, and savors something with a bit of flavor.

Testosexual sets goals and works like hell to reach them. He is persistent with all of his endeavors and always looks forward to a challenge. He?s never trampled over or walked on because Testosexual operates like Samuel L. Jackson from Pulp Fiction: cool and calm, with overtones of bad-ass-ness.

Testosexual sports an open-minded point-of-view and is passionate about his ideals. He knows to choose his battles wisely, but is never afraid to fight for his morals. He is humble in victory and doesn?t point fingers when defeated.

Testosexual realizes that time is an extremely important asset, and won?t have anyone waste his. He surrounds himself with people from similar lifestyles, and fights tooth and nail for his compatriots, for they complement his way of life and would do the same for him.

Sexually, Testosexual has learned to play the field and keep options open. In the off-chance that he finds himself in a decent relationship, he doesn?t succumb to the ?gully-hole? only to be grouped with the other pussy-whipped choir-boys. He only enters relationships that complement his way of life and with females who show an intelligence level comparable to his own. He may wade into the shallow end of the female population every now and then, but knows that when he emerges, it?s time to move on; he can never completely communicate with something that has the intelligence of a dry sponge?no matter how tight her backside is.

Most importantly, Testosexual doesn?t live down to the stereotypical perception of idiocy and apathy that much of America has adopted for him, and takes pride in proving the bastards wrong. He learns, he applies, and he conquers.

Metrosexuality has all but taken its last breath. It?s time for the Testosexual to shed the clean-shaven, hairless skin of superficiality, drop the hypersensitive, crying-on-his-girlfriend?s-shoulder, chai-tea drinking, mud-masking, sweet-talking, Sex in the City-watching, pretty boy act and allow his testicles to re-descend.
Personally, I can?t wait for my nipple hair to grow back.

[quote]Nate Green wrote:

On Friday night, Testosexual would rather spend his time engaging in stimulating conversation over coffee than guzzling kegs of Budweiser at a frat party and waking up the next morning with the female equivalent of Ronnie Coleman. When he does indulge, though, Testosexual leaves the piss-beer for the pussies, and savors something with a bit of flavor.

[/quote]

Loved the rest of your article, but this part doesn’t fit. Beer is good, good beer is great, and great beer is the fucking coup de grace. Likewise, throwing back a few Coors Lighs with your buddies in no way equates to being a pussy. Being a T-man means being able to act the distinguished gentleman when appropriate, while still being able to cut loose and get rowdy with your bros when the opportunity arises. Versatility is the key. A T-man should be equally adept at choosing a wine for his date as he is at smashing a beer can on his forehead.

Interesting point. I agree.

Although I’m not a Silver Bullet fan, myself.

Thanks for reading the entire thing.

Nate

PS Excuse the Question Marks in place of the apostrophes.

There’s nothing unmanly about getting fucked up.

Shannon Sharpe ain’t no bitch. He drops e-bombs.

But seriously, not to equate drug uses to a status level. I feel it plays no part. Drug or alcohol use is a personal decision and unless it hampers everyday activities and relationships does not make/break an individual and his respective “T” status.

Testosexual sounds kinda gay, but I like it… I’ll go with it.

Right…fucking…on.

Loved the last paragraph. Edited by Shugs, that whole thing should be the header of the “Under 21” board along with “Youth Gone Wild” etc.

I agree with the beer thing, with both of you. Sure kick back with a beer with your friends, but the parties at my uni are frickin lame…so I can see both your points.

Also, maybe a T-Man should be equally adept at choosing wine, and smashing cans on his forehead but id be tempted to say a middle road, where a man enjoys a beer, but isnt a college jackass, and where a man might enjoy a good wine with a meal, but doesnt sniff the fuckin cork is the true ideal here.

J

Nate, that was great and thanks for sharing it with us. It’s sad but, you just about summed up today’s young men. Did you write this for school? If so, what was your professor’s reaction?

The idea is there, and I like the guts to post your article - subjecting yourself to utter ridicule and criticism.

I’m not going to do the former - but I will do the latter.

It contains very good ideas - spread thinly among too many curse words and false facts.

There is no difference between the T-Man and the TestoSexual concepts - unless you want to create a whole new category based on age alone.

You mention being smart as a tack. You then go on to name certain professors ‘cocksuckers’. Not very ‘smart as a tack’.

See, not liking someone, does not turn them into cocksuckers. Chances are, these professors who you don’t like have never sucked a cock in their lives (except for female professors). Since it’s not true they are cocksuckers - it must, by necessity be false. It is, and the only reason you called them cocksuckers is because YOU don’t like them, not because of what they are.

Prove me wrong, but name-calling is exactly the type of thing we teach young kids not to do. Name calling is senseless as a kid, and it is senseless as an adult.

The T-Man concept is not an excuse for childish and irrational behavior. Instead, it attempts to define an individual dedicated to the harmonious development of body, mind - and spirit.

Everybody has, at least at some point, disliked some other individual. This means, every one of us has had something against someone else. Can you imagine if we suddenly decide it is ok to let these individuals know it by insulting them (‘cocksuckers’)? Not one day will go by where you’re not insulted - even though you don’t give a fuck that the individual doesn’t like you.

See, you may not like someone, but it doesn’t mean they care about it. Suddenly, all you’ve become is an obsolete waste of everybody’s time as opposed to constructively improve upon yourself (mentally, physically, spiritually) and others.

THAT is not T-Man. See, it is understandable to blow up on someone if they fucked your girlfriend, beat up your friend, threatened your brother. But curse them just because when they educate you they BORE you? Dude.

If that is the Testosexual way, than I guess we have just found the difference between the two - and the reason Testosexuals are the lesser breed.
You confuse constructive agression with destructive agression, another fatal error.

Your good ideas are overshadowed by crap. Please think about what you say.

Joebob,

I actually didn’t write it for school although I’ll probably keep it on file.

Really this was just a rant and possible newbie article I wanted to submit to T-nation.

Since that didn’t go over, I figured I’d at least post it and try to get some response.

Thanks for reading.

Nate

Hey, I have to disagree with the wine thing. Even James Bond (the Sean Connery one) knew his wine. I definately wouldn’t call him a metrosexual.

Viva la raza!

Diesel 25,

While I appreciate the criticism, I think you may have been a bit off base and only focusing on one minute detail my article. I don’t resort to “name calling” when it’s not justified, and I’m very much aware that most of my professors have probably never literally “sucked cock.”

But your argument about cursing them because they “bore me” is completely missing the point.

I want professors that challenge me mentally and professionaly, not someone who regurgitates information from the textbook and rants and raves, watches the clock, and lets their assistant take over the majority of the time.

To me those apathetic individuals are, indeed, cocksuckers.

On the contrary, I’ve had a few professors who more than live up to my expectations.

Again, thanks for the criticism. Any response is a good response, and as any T-Man (or testosexual) should, I will extract the diamond out of this mess of coal and learn from it any way that I can.

Thank you.

Nate

[quote]Nate Green wrote:
Diesel 25,

While I appreciate the criticism, I think you may have been a bit off base and only focusing on one minute detail my article. I don’t resort to “name calling” when it’s not justified, and I’m very much aware that most of my professors have probably never literally “sucked cock.”

But your argument about cursing them because they “bore me” is completely missing the point.

I want professors that challenge me mentally and professionaly, not someone who regurgitates information from the textbook and rants and raves, watches the clock, and lets their assistant take over the majority of the time.

To me those apathetic individuals are, indeed, cocksuckers.

On the contrary, I’ve had a few professors who more than live up to my expectations.

Again, thanks for the criticism. Any response is a good response, and as any T-Man (or testosexual) should, I will extract the diamond out of this mess of coal and learn from it any way that I can.

Thank you.

Nate[/quote]

I have to agree with you there. The professors at my school show little to no initiative when it comes to educating their students. Their primary concern is and will always be their research. A few devote themselves entirely to teaching, excel at it, and are then denied tenure because they perform no research. No research = no publishing. No publishing = no prestige for the school. Such is life, but that doesn’t make the lackluster profs any better.

I’ve had a few profs that would regularly show up 10 min late for class. That’s 20% of a 50 min class. At a cost of roughly $3000 for a 3 credit course, that translates to $600 of missed instruction time. Someone that robs me of $600 is, indeed, a cocksucker.

I understand your disappointment in many professors. Iam, after all, a university student myself.

Naming them ‘cocksuckers’ just for the insulting effect solves nothing.

Walk to the department head and explain your disappointment in such professors - detail exactly what it is that they do wrong, and what you believe would solve the problem.

It would be funny to see some guy go ‘Yo, cocksucker, wrap it up’

Forget everything I said though. You had the guts to post an article which you put your time and effort into, and I like that.

Allow me a geek moment by saying it is the sharing of ideas that has brought us to our highest and most prosperous point in the history of mankind and possibly the history of the world - heck, most likely the most prosperous point ever in our solar system and far beyond. If we did not share ideas it would be impossible to build an aircraft, a power grid, develop medical procedures… because these build on knowledge brought about by others. Even Einstein would’ve been obsolete had the previous physics developments not been brought to his attention.

So, while this is not as significant, it is a reflection of what has brought us here - and is exactly why we should make it a point to share our ideas.

End of geek moment.

Diesel and Spartan,

It’s conversation such as this that makes me thankful I’ve found a website where everyone is a free-thinker, no one follows a specific mold of ideas and people have the courage and right to display their true opinions.

Not quite a geek moment…

…more like a Miss USA contest.

Nate

Excuse me for putting on my fuckin thinking cap, Green.

I meant that I sounded like Miss USA.

Chill.

Nate