T Nation

The Tale of Emperor and Mayhem...

If you’ve never heard of the bands Emperor and Mayhem, you’re not really missing out on much as far as music goes… but when it comes to ridiculous (I’d say funny but it’s pretty violent…) biographies, they’re tops.

Emperor:

Mayhem:

[quote]andy bumphren wrote:
If you’ve never heard of the bands Emperor and Mayhem, you’re not really missing out on much as far as music goes… but when it comes to ridiculous (I’d say funny but it’s pretty violent…) biographies, they’re tops.

Emperor:

Mayhem:

Note to self: Do not join either of these bands. Especially Mayhem.

I’d say they’re more like mentally ill bands of thugs masquerading as metal bands.

If it wasn’t for their criminal antics, none of these losers would even rate a mention. The music, or what they pass off as such, is eminently bad, even for metal.

You know, I spent the last 5 minutes trying to write a reply to this, and I can’t.

lol wtf? both bands are fucking legends. samoth has more musical talent in his left hand than most other bands have combined. if you can’t appreciate anthems to the welkin at dusk, i suggest you turn off MTV and go get tested for being tone deaf.

[quote]Rah-Knee wrote:
lol wtf? both bands are fucking legends. samoth has more musical talent in his left hand than most other bands have combined. if you can’t appreciate anthems to the welkin at dusk, i suggest you turn off MTV and go get tested for being tone deaf.

[/quote]

I do like some emperor sometimes… I never really liked mayhem but maybe it was the quality of the recordings… sorta like Dimmu Borgir’s stormblast… it sounds like they’re playing vacuum cleaners. Emperor’s old stuff was somewhat better produced it seems… still not great.

Tale of the Vaginas and People Who Weren’t Hugged Enough As Children is more like it. If their music’s any good, or not, I don’t know. Never heard either. If people like their music, fine, so be it. Talent, musical or otherwise, is one thing.

However, reading the bio’s, especially Mayhems…What a bunch of fucking retards. I’m so sick of seeing idiots like that. “OOOh, I’m a tough, scary guy…I make necklaces out of my friends brain! OOGITY BOOGITY!” Whatever bro. Pussies. All of em. Just like the asswipes that wore the trench coats when I was in high school right after Columbine. None of them were shit either, other than mentally imbalanced (and no, not in the ‘cool, hardcore!!!’ way, but the ‘Hey, I secretly cry myself to sleep every night sucking my thumb’ kind of way).

And lemme tell ya…Anyone that goes that far out of the way to prove how tough and crazy they are isn’t shit. I don’t care if you made a pair of earrings out of your grandmothers labia after slicing open your dogs nutsac with razors with your penis inside a vice clamp. You’re a pussy. Period. Real men don’t need that kind of shit to be ‘tough’. Sorry, but I hate people like that. Always have, probably always will.

Yeah, you’re super scary cuz you made a necklace out of your friends head. Remind me again how afraid I am after you wake up, because I’ve choked your ass out. And no offense meant to original poster or any fans of this music, unless you’re one of these idiots that think “Aw man, BADASS!” after reading those bios. Then, fuck you too. Rant over. Done.

Kubo

Strange. I just came across a documentary on these jackasses a week or so ago when I was looking for one that’d played recently at the Alamo Drafthouse in Austin. They didn’t seem all that ‘evil’ to me, but I guess they took the whole image creation concept way too far.

I’m not a fan, but I like the concept of the anti-religion basis to the music, though it seems if they can work from there, they should be bright enough to realize the difference between creating a fantasy image and the reality of being a f’ing band for a living and having it good because they created a name for themselves.

Here’s the link: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5184921854653866027&q=black+metal+documentary&hl=en

A kind of funny sidenote: I went to that recent final Danzig tour–as I’d never seen him live–and that Mortiis mentioned in the articles was one of the acts. He spent more time talking shit to the crowd than performing. But of course, they were booing and throwing things at him as soon as they saw his goofy makeup. Great for a laugh.

Mayhem in particular come across as a bunch of petulant, whiny posers in all interviews I’ve ever seen with them.

The thing is, however, that both Emperor and Mayhem have made some really good tunes over the years. A friend of mine’s band supported Emperor at the London Astoria recently and the gig was fucking fantastic.

I must admit that I never gave black metal a chance until recently because I didn’t like the idea of being tarred with that Brush.

Nowadays though, when I’m going all out for a PR I don’t know where I’d be without my Thorns and Anaal Nathrakh records to get me psyched.

If anyone’s interested in reading more about the Norwegian black metal scene, I’d recommend ‘Lords of Chaos’ by Moynihan and Soderlind.

Okay, yeah, I retract any comments about these idiots being bright enough to know the difference between fantasy and reality…

http://www.fatalexception.org/spin_article/index.html