T Nation

The Return of Even More Movies You've Watched This Week III


Halloween 2018

Halloween 2018 is the bestest, most amazingest movie ever made. I rate it a solid 10/10, no, 100/10. Actually, to be fair, it should be 99/10 because of the lack of racial diversity but it’s still the greatest thing ever put on film in the history of motion pictures by far. I applaud the courage of the people who dared to make this masterpiece of cinema in our troubling times and especially the bravery of the critics who dared to tell the truth about it’s sheer magnificence. Indeed, the critics are the modern day heroes of our time, the ones who dare stand tall amid a climate of immorality, capitalism and fascism! Bravo!


For reals?


The fact that you had to ask me this question shows how much you hate women. Shame on you!

Are you saying that I’m giving this a good review only because I’m afraid of being called a misogynist and the movie is really one of the dumbest movies I’ve watched even by slasher movie standards?

Like you know that part in the unlit subway in 28 Weeks Later where the chick seeing through the infrared scope from a rifle tells the 2 other chicks to walk IN FRONT of her even though she was THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD SEE in pitch darkness just so the filmmakers could do a fucking POV sequence with the other characters in the frame? If I were a woman hating misogynist, I would say ALL the characters acted this fucking dumb throughout the entire Halloween remake/sequel/reboot or whatever the fuck you want to call it.

But this is not what I’m saying because I don’t hate women.


A star is born-

Man that ending really fucked me up

Without spoiling the ending, to the people who have already seen it…
I’ve discovered some friends like the ending depicted, and it hit me like a tonne of bricks
Brilliant movie


The ending is what made the whole movie impactful.


awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww is it worth seeing tho?


I saw First Man and it was great. Cried four times.


Alright, I’m going to be honest since I’m really angry now because my wife just fucked up my coffee by adding one less spoonful of sugar despite me telling her I need 6 spoons for the last decade. SIX, not 5. I can taste the fucking difference. Dumb woman.

For people who get scared during movies like the Fright Night remake like my wife(oh fucking yeah, Colin Ferell scared the hell out of her. Colin Fucking Ferell.) and are going to watch it in a crowded theater with a bunch of rowdy friends, it will probably be a fun experience.

For genre fans, NO. It’s not the “funny” kind of dumb. They filmed it as a serious, gritty horror movie. It’s the “for people who think it’s possible to miss a target standing 6 feet in front of you when you fire a shotgun” kind of dumb.

You know why?

Because they can’t show the protagonists WINNING BY USING A GUN because political correctioness but they can’t devise a realistic scenario that renders the guns ineffective because they set up said protagonists as strong, intelligent, asskicking females who are well trained in the use of guns because political correctioness.

The is just one retarded part of the movie. The entire premise is fucking nonsensical since Jamie Lee Curtis is no longer related to Michael Myers because Halloween 2 never happened in this movie’s universe. It’s like “this is absurd but let’s just go with it and no one will care as long as we virtue signal enough”.

Go watch Scream again instead.


HMPH, how DARE she not add that extra spoonful of sugar, this just gets me so riled up (on a side note, you don’t actually consume SIX spoonfuls of sugar with you’re coffee do you?)

I’ve only seen the old one, but from what I remember fright night was a comedy wasn’t it?

hmmmmm, still, it’s micheal myers… TAKE MY MONEY


Yes, I do lol. Several times a day.

The old one was a horror movie with comedic elements. The remake was a fucking Warner Brothers cartoon.


When I have coffee, I just drink it black like a shot, I don’t like coffee, but I’m sensitive to caffine so if I ever need a quick burst of energy a shot of coffee does it for me.

I liked road runner as a kiddo… so that’s not a bad thing


So did anyone get around to watching China Salesman? I can’t in good faith ask anyone to waste their own time watching this to entertain us with a review, but if you’ve watched it anyways, kind of curious how much better it gets beyond Segal’s character having pictures of himself on his desk.


I did. It’s not bad. Steven Seagal fights using Wing Chun, which is fucking hilarious given that Wing Chun was created for very tiny little Southern Chinese girls.

There are long stretches between Seagal and Tyson appearing and the really boring Chinese/European cast but the ending gets wonderfully ludicrous. Worth a watch IMO.


Kungfu League (2018) Hongkong

Jeff Lau hasn’t made anything funny after directing A Chinese Odyssey 1 and 2 with Stephen Chow. That was in 1994. Jeff Lau was also the one who produced Wong Kar Wai’s Chungking Express and Ashes of Time. In A Chinese Odyssey, he took the nonsensical gags to the extreme, which went from parodying entire lines of dialogue from Wong Kar Wai’s movies to an effeminate Buddhist monk(The monk that was sent to retrieve the Buddhist scriptures from India to ease the country of suffering in the book “Journey to the West”) singing “Only You” by The Platters in Cantonese. I’m not fucking joking. To top it off, it was sung by Law Kar Ying, a classically trained Chinese Opera singer.

Amidst all the nonsense, he somehow managed to spin a tale with the Buddhist ideas of repetition, detachment and futility disguised as a epic period love story that ends in either tragedy or the attainment of nirvana depending on how you look at it. The audience wept. I’m not making this up. They went from howling with laughter to literally weeping at the closing scenes. It was recognized as a postmodern masterpiece by people who actually appreciate movies and a disposable piece of crap by worthless, self-important critics. It’s 25 years later and people are still making references to the dialogue in A Chinese Odyssey in Asia and expressing shock at how they were overcome with feelings of profound sadness and loss at the ending.

But why the fuck am I talking about a movie made in 1994? Because the movie I just watched is a product of what you get when you want to appeal to a market like China where socialism has created a completely different culture that does not appreciate nuance. It’s an empty shell of what made Hong Kong movies so special especially during the time of much social tension pre-1997(The Handover of Hong Kong from Britain to China). Because socialism has destroyed so much of Chinese values and culture and selectively rewritten so many parts of history and religion that people in China won’t get any kind of subtext that Jeff Lau is so good at slipping into his movies other than “RICH PEOPLE ARE BAD”. That’s why you sell them big explosions and lots of CGI. But at least it’s fucking funnier than Jeff Lau’s previous films in the last 20 years. For the people who complain about Americans loving big, dumb action flicks, you ain’t seen the SHIT you can sell to a Chinese audience yet.

However, with the gradual economic and social liberalization along with the internet(and VPNS), the older movies have found an audience in the current generation of youths growing up. That’s why a Jeff Lau movie is finally funny. Because the best of his gags rely on nuance and social references.

So, for fans of Hong Kong cinema, this is a movie probably worth watching. It’s a dumb parody of a couple of old movie heroes from Chinese folklore - Wong Fei Hung(Once Upon a Time in China), Huo Yuanjia(Fearless), Chen Zhen(Fist of Fury) and Ip Man(alright, this guy was real). The dude that replaced Jet Lee as Wong Fei Hung in Once Upon a Time in China 4, 5 and 6 even plays said character. It’s nothing close to anything produced in the 90’s but it’s funny as fuck. But it’s the best we can get nowadays.

Fuck socialism.



Other than a really well crafted opening scene, everything else from the characters to the plot were rather generic. At least they bothered to earn the jump scares.


Bohemian Rhapsody

@yogi Have you seen it? What was this nonsense I just watched??? Why did they get this guy to play Freddie Mercury for the love of God? Bryan Singer made this piece of crap??? WTF???


Haha, na still haven’t seen it but I’ve read some pretty terrible reviews!

Didn’t enjoy it, no?


Bloodsucking Freaks. Now that’s a film I haven’t heard of in a long time


It was absurd. Save your money and just watch the real Queen concerts. I just read they originally had Sacha Baron Cohen for the lead role and they dropped him?! WTF? Why???

Tell me Sacha Baron Cohen wasn’t born for this role…


I read somewhere that Cohen wanted to explore the darker side of Mercury’s extra-curricular activities whereas the original band members wanted to steer clear.

I’ve been meaning to go and see it however can’t find the time right now :cry: