The Pursuit of Mythical Gains

I crashed my E2 on .5mg of ADEX while on 140mg of Test C. I was also on HCG at the time so there is that.

I’m currently on 140mg and nothing else.

Of course, I never competed, maxed out at 220 as a fat guy, and currently roll around 190 at 18-20% bodyfat.

So my take on your regimen is probably useless.

My bad.

Figured I would post a progress picture - looks the same as the last three.

I was 194 this morning and 17.5% on my hand held BF monitor, which I think is about three points low - figure I am about 20%.


@EmilyQ you should write more. You are gifted.


I did not want to clog up your log, you write well.

The characterization of 84 year old Elaine bossing you and your husband around is cute and interesting.

You write well. You should write more.

I’ve recently been told I have “low IQ and not outstanding writing skills,” so my self-concept is quite rattled as you can imagine!

More seriously, thank you. I love words. I love writing and reading and talking through people’s stuff at work, where I lean heavily on quotes and song lyrics and such. The power of words.

I actually came to this site almost 20 years ago because I was writing a book and needed the name of a piece of weightlifting equipment. I got what I needed and then noticed, over to the left in yellow letters, the option “Sex and the Male Animal.” I clicked it.

And here we are.


I am pretty comfortable with my ability to recognize EQ and how that translates to the written word. I know you most likely view me as a patient, which is cool. You have always been kind to everyone and given me a model.

I do recognize talent. While I may be an asshole (often eat like one), I do recognize talent when I see it. I have been published on two occasions (not very lucrative I might add, but no writing is lucrative).

I did not want to fawn over you, but your recent post has memoir vibes and I think you should explore it. Maybe just to integrate the process of you getting jacked.

But also maybe because it is a great story.

It is very sweet that you pay Elaine to boss you around, then go dance with the teacher that can’t stand dancing with you so she makes you dance with your husband, whom you clearly love dearly (overly adverbally there, but hey, whatever).

I can see a jacked EmilyQ bulldogging a fat round teacher with stick arms telling you to go dance with the one you love and you being joyfull.

The Elaine boss keeping you moving is a great character.

My editor told me good stories have two of three things - good characters, a good story, or good writing.

I think you have good characters, a good story, and I truly believe you write well.

I try not to curse these days, but fuck whoever told you you have

Maybe you just got better?

I’m sorry if I blew you up but I can’t walk away when I see something good. I have pretty good intuition so I had to say something.

@OldSchoolSwole Petrizzo coached me, I reached out and he was a member at my gym. I did four sessions with him, got to see him squat over five hundred, DL over 600, and OHP like 225.

All for reps.

I know that is not overly impressive, but I think he was working with Andy Baker at the time and doing eights. He is a tall dude as well, 6’2" at least.

I had the same impression - solid human.

I was studying for the CSCS with the NSC at the time and he encouraged me to pursue the SSC certification. I was squatting 285 at the time and I considered it, but Joe Jalosynski was such an asshole on FB that I decided to not pursue either.

I kept teaching HS, so it all worked out.

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Oh, I don’t think I have low IQ - this was from that wacky body fat estimate thread. I lack comprehension! But hey, you are

And have

So what are we going to do? Life is hard for us deceitful & disingenuous persons. But hey, at least we’re not warped and screwed, like some of our friends.

No. Not at all. I don’t have any interest in patients not assigned to me, and don’t view the world that way unless on purpose - as in, my husband one of my kids upsets me and I’m reactive, so I try to think what I would say if either of us were a patient. It helps me calm down and/or see them more sympathetically, depending.

Thank you, truly. I love writing and may one day pursue it in a less scattershot way, but for now I have all I can handle. I have a private message board I’ve participated in for thirty years now, which I call a shared diary. I post in that most days. It’s a commitment. One of our number has advanced cancer, so I try not to miss checking in. I just finished six chart notes, which is the narrative of sessions I didn’t get done last week - its official purpose is to justify my billing, its unofficial purpose to provide a memory prompt and provide an overview to other providers. So I have 6-7 of those each work day. And then posting here. I also have a completed novel I’d like to someday finish editing/updating, but that’s for someday if I still find it relevant.

Our new body fat estimate friend aside, my writing skills have always gotten compliments. But work is where I story-tell for now. People come in with their issues and fears and wants and needs - just a big mess - and I help them organize it all so they can envision a world in which they thrive. We write their edited story. We drop this (e.g. shame, insecurity) and add some more of this (e.g. authenticity, clear communication) and voila, a story about themselves that feels good and right, with the skills now to continue it forward. For now, this feels like the best use of whatever it is I have. But I’m very flattered by the things you’ve said, and they absolutely are landing in a good place.


SQ 45x5, 95x3, 135x5x3
DL 145x5x1
BP 45x10, 95x3, 125x5x3, 95x10x4
Rows 10x4, abmachine 15x4, curls 10x4, cable curls 10x2, upright cable rows 10x2

Seven mile bike ride, hopefully three mile walk later today.

Measurement Monday - 192.3 @17.3%


I started to read your log, got bogged down a bit, will go back and finish it.

Seems like you switched to Law rather than Med School. I am the youngest. My brother N was eighteen months older than I and went to Med School, was an ER Doctor, passed in 2001. He was gay.

My oldest brother E is 39 months older and has an LLM in Tax and Estate from NYU. We don’t speak.

I did read about your HS experience, specifically the AP’s and getting into Abalama. I haven’t read to completion yet but it appears you will be not spending four years in Tuscaloosa and shortcutting to Law School.

I have a twenty year old daughter at UDEL studying Marketing and Graphic Arts. My son is seventeen and will be attending UCONN for Engineering or Physics. I think he had seven AP’s and a 4.0 unweighted, 4 point something weighted.

I am looking forward to reading the rest of your log and following your journey.

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Yeah, I made the switch midway through my first year at Alabama. Mostly because as I started to learn more about what the process of becoming a doctor actually entailed, I realized that I really didn’t want to spent the next 10+ years of my life in med school / residency.

When summer’s over, I’ll be starting my last year at Alabama (I’m graduating a year early,) and I’ll be sending out my law school applications in September.

A couple of my high school friends went to UDEL, and one to UCONN. They all have been enjoying themselves from what I’ve heard - congrats to you and your kids :]


My daughter started at UDEL in a Pre Vet track and came to a similar conclusion. My brother did Med School and was arrogant on the match only ranking three programs because he had a Stanford undergrad and killer board scores, and did not match, so he did a year of Internal and went back through the match. Ranked ten or fifteen programs and got his first choice.

Another two years of ER I think, might have been three, so not bad. I have a good friend that is a vascular surgeon so he did med school, I think four years of surgery and another two in a vascular fellowship.

My first wife went to med school at thirty years old at George Washington, did two years of Internal and then a year as Chief Resident. It is a grind.

Calculus and Anatomy I think killed my daughter’s Veterinary dreams, but it’s cool - she wasn’t suited to it. The universe will find a way to show you your path.

You from MD? I lived in Bethesda while my first wife went to Med School, worked in Bel Air - bit of a commute.

UDEL is a party school and I think my daughter partakes. My son starts at UCONN in late August, he’s a nerd. He will be in the marching band and playing video games with his bro nerds.

Thanks for the congrats. I look forward to following your journey.

I’m a little excited, having a hard time going to sleep - new tattoo today.

It’s actually a cover up.

My oldest brother E and I got my brother N’s initials tattooed back in 2001 when N passed away. A few years later we got another tattoo underneath (both on our outer right calf) of a greenlight, a hash, and two red lights to symbolize on of N’s sayings, "Look out for number one (greenlight) or you will step in number two (two red lights).

Since I am estranged from my oldest brother E I want to distance myself so I am getting that tattoo covered up with another one of my brother N’s sayings, “Time Wounds All Heels.”

I collaborated with my daughter on the design so I have a Dali esque clock with a knife stabbing a heel, sort of like The Cask of Amontillado with a banner underneath with the phrase in Latin.

I’m always excited about a new tattoo but this is especially exciting because it feels like closure with my oldest brother, and my daughter (graphic artist) contributed.

She has four tattoos by the way (as do I).


Yeah - I’m actually from Bethesda myself, coincidentally enough. My family still lives there, and I live with them when college isn’t in session.

Small world :]

I just found out another dude worked at the same golf course I worked at in Orlando.

It is a small world.

I lived on Battery Ln just off of Wisconsin - probably everything is just off of Wisconsin.

Without doxxing myself more than I already have, that’s about a mile from where I’m sitting right now lol. One of my friends (a neuroscientist doing research on monkeys at NIH, which is a job he somehow landed directly out of undergrad) lives in an apartment right at the Battery/Wisconsin intersection.

Our apartment backed up to the NIH and my wife worked for Fauci at the NIH in the summers her first and second year.

I worked in Bel Air, lol, 70 miles up 95.

Before she went to Med School, she worked at the Oregon Primate center doing Microbiology shit.

Forgot how much tattos hurt.


Six mile bike ride today to get the new tattoo and some groceries. I’ve been calorically deficit the last two days but the scale isn’t moving. I think it might be time to feast. I will eat tonight so I will be well fed to lift tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be squats at 145, OHP at 95, DL at 155. I am going to add ten pounds to everything because it has been kind of easy, but I am glad I have at least a plate on the bar for squats after goofing around with 531. I thought at my age I wouldn’t see two plates on a squat again but am encouraged now.

Aesthetically, things are moving in the right direction. I am seeing some improvements and that motivates me. I know I won’t be able to continue with assistance work when I get close to stalling, but for now I am going to keep it up. I will likely stall sooner than most because of my age and adversion to eating enough, but I am ready to deal with it.

Hard to bump OHP and BP by five pounds because there are exactly two 2 1/2 pound plates in the entire gym and I always have to hunt them down. I tried hiding them on the incline press, but someone found them so I will have to hunt them down again. That is one reason I am going to bump the OHP by ten pounds tomorrow.

The other reason is because 85x5 was easy - OHP seems to be one of my best lifts. I got it up to 155 a few years ago.

So, I am actually being a simple kind of man and doing my fahves, adding weight and making progress.