T Nation

The Perfect Murder


Now maybe this thread is a tad bit morbid for some but it is something that I have thought of a few times and I'm sure, as I'm really not that sick...., that I can't be the only one. I think the whole thing fascinates me more so on intellectual grounds, or at least I hope, other than thinking about the actually killing itself. So , If you were to how would you do it? How would you put someone in the ground and guarantee, to the best of your abilities, that nothing would ever become of it?

Some questions to think about -

  • Disposal of the body - bury it, burn it, dump it in the ocean ?
  • Actual kill - gun, knife, poison ?
  • Creating an alibi
  • Disposal of evidence
  • Time of day


Lay it out for me.

Could be an interesting thread. We have some pretty smart posters here.

Edit - Mods - Please move - meant to post in GAL .....

  • Don't be a total fucking pussy and confess. Also, don't change your behavior for a while. This means putting the incident out of your mind and making like nothing has happened.

  • Dissolve body in acid (note: this takes time), then dispose of in a boat out in the middle of nowhere (i.e. no land for about 50-80km around you).

  • Use injection to kill, like a barbiturate.

  • Do it in the middle of the night, when it's plausible that you were asleep alone.


There are several ways, to get away with murder you have to remove one or both of these things: body or weapon.

And, I wouldn't tell you my perfect murder plan even if I had one.


Kill the person you want to kill.


There. Now no one can get you for the original murder, no disposal of body or weapons required.

Perfect, no?



Fuck it. I don't care if you do use my ideas. The bitch probably deserves it.

  1. Portable tub of hydrochloric acid. Then dump it in the ocean.

  2. Kill with anything that wouldn't accidentally leave evidence. So poison, strangulation et cetera. All the evidence will be contained in the body itself, which will totally dissolve in the acid.

  3. Deep sea fishing trip. Do not program the GPS as you travel to dump the acid. In fact, leave it onshore and use a compass.

  4. Already discussed disposal. Just watch the tides. Let them pull the tub out rather than in. Wouldn't want an acidic mush rolling up on shore. Allow the tub to open itself too, it will all disperse in the ocean.

  5. Whatever time she/he is alone, then early AM for the "fishing trip".


You guys are forgetting something.


Um.. How about not committing stuff like this to writing. Ever.


Please tell.....

What about the problem of motive? - if I ever hated someone enough to want them dead I'm guessing a few other people might know.



Enlist in the army of your choice, just make sure the chosen troops are well-fed and take little risks.
(ie North Korean forces and Taliban are out - the former are too hungry, the latter too reckless)


Minimal risk, you can kill and get glorified as a hero.


Kill a black rapper. They don't even fully investigate those :slightly_smiling:

Sorry, couldn't resist.


SMH at this thread. Just smh.

I will say this; it's not impossible to prosecute a murder without a body. So stop worrying so much about the body.


Ya'll just gave away your means. Put down to traceable evidence.


If the person is a drug user, by a temporary cellphone and call him up to ask if he wants to hang out. Leave him a little something and poison his coke or whatever, then he'll die.

Otherwise I think you all are overcomplicating this. The more work you put into the more can be ued against on loose ends. As long as you haven't made vast declarations of distrust or enmity. Just go and randomly shoot the guy, and let it be overwith. Shoot him and burn down his house etcetera.

Even better, cut the gas main and fill his house with carbon monoxide while he's sleeping.

People WILL notice this person is missing, they WILL start an ivnestigation of possible murder even if you vaporize the body.

I think quick and simple is the best bet.





I'm assuming this a compliment so Thanks.

Humans think in obvious ways. If you just non-chalantlhy kill this guy, they will think him a guy who invited murder and not give it much thought.

If you try to rewrite the book on murder mysteries by killing him, they will realize he was an innocent chap and freak out on investigation.

You ever wonder why for guys who got shot in the inner city they always just say "Gang Violence" as the cause of death? Cuz they know they were pieces of shit. Just an obvious bullet to the head will lead the authorities to think he was a bag of shit to begin with and limit their investigation.

It's all about psychology.


FINALLY. I'm not the only one who's thought about this (sick, I know). Here's what I would do:

Time - Middle of the night
How - Poison
Body - Throw it in the ocean
Evidence - Burn all of my clothes, leave the boat in the middle of the ocean and sink it. (I would bring a Zodiac so I could get back to shore), and tie weights to the body.

That's my perfect murder.



-Blunt head trauma OR Shoot them with a silenced pistol.

-Burn the body (if convenient).

I think poison is a nice idea, though, their are way too many things that could go wrong with such a method

Feeling the need to 'dispose' of the body could also be a banana skin....massively increases the odds of being seen carrying something suspicious.....car caught on cctv etc....alibi issues, if you did it during the night, alone).


Keep the body in a freezer and eat it little by little until there is nothing left. Give the bones to your dogs for a treat. Singe the hair lightly and dye it rainbow for a cool clown wig. Dehydrate and grind up the remainder, and sprinkle a bit on each shoulder before work each day to let it drift away into the surrounding dust. If anyone mentions this last, give them a sharp glance and say, "I used up the Head and Shoulders. What?!" and silently chuckle at the cleverness of your double entendre.

I mean, this is the year 2000 right? I don't see why we can't think globally, act locally, and murder perfectly. Right?


you could just give the body to hungry wild boar. nothing will be left. no bones. no hair. nothing.

try it sometime.


Yes, I'm sure the other killers that thought burning a body would be a great plan except that most fires don't burn hot enough to burn a body up.