T Nation

The Most Disturbing Thing Ever

Many of you are familiar with my situation w/my ex gf and have helped me by giving good unbiased advice. I was reading my old thread and I realized that the events of my recent past while entertaining, have changed me for the worse. I don’t blame anyone reading about that stuff if they think I’m a little bit over the top. The fact is, I think I partially lost my mind/blew a gasket due to all the ridiculous things I’ve been dealing with. But this weekend, something happened to me that has left everyone involved totally disturbed and without any good explanation.

I still see my ex but our relationship is purely physical, and I’m sure it’s only a temporary thing. I’ve gone out with a few other girls, but I haven’t slept w/anyone. My bro’s gf set me up w/her friend and we went to a party Fri night. We hit it off and I ended up in bed with her but there was no sex. One of the guys throwing the party was nice enough to let us crash in his bed because we both had a lot to drink. We were both naked and the door was locked. At some point in the early morning, one of the guys who lives there picked the lock and came into the room. I was awoken from a drunken stupor by the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Apparently this guy is a closet homosexual, and he thought I was too drunk to wake up, but I woke up and he had my dick in his hand. Not just touching it - he was trying to jerk me off. As soon as I woke up, he got up and ran out of the room. I was in a state of shock, but I woke up the girl and told her what happened. We woke up the other two guys who live there, and one of them told me that his pants were down when he woke up. They also told me that they suspected he was gay, and that he has done things like spying on them in the shower, walking around naked, and trying to have internet sex (whatever that means) with their friends under another screen name. At that point, I had heard enough. I ran to the bathroom and puked my guts out, something I just don’t do from drinking.

The guy’s roommates were also very shaken by this, and as soon as one of them said, “let’s go beat his ass” I just lost it. Something came over me that I have never felt before. I ran up the stairs and kicked his door open with the girl and his two roommates with me. I jumped on top of him and hit him with everything I had in the back of the head about 30 times. I had to stop because my right hand was broken and throbbing and his sheets were soaked with his blood. When I turned around, I saw a look of sheer horror on the faces of everyone who witnessed it. We went downstairs and the 5 or 6 guys who were passed out said they could hear my fists hitting his head from 3 floors down. I took the girl home, got her number and some ice, and headed to the hospital - where I work and hope to impress the staff so they will give me a good recommendation. Right.

I broke 3 metacarpals in my hand right by the knuckles. The doc who treated me tried to set the bones, but after setting one I went into shock and almost passed out. I denied lidocaine injections which was a big mistake. Anyway, my hand is swollen like a softball so I have to have surgery on Tues. to realign the bones. No more baseball, working out (well, except for legs, abs, and cardio), no more writing, and I’m typing this w/my left hand.

Everyone I know except my ex is disturbed but sympathetic. She seems to think this is the funniest thing she has ever heard and keeps asking me how the “poor guy” is doing. I’m sure she wouldn’t be laughing if she knew I hooked up with a little hottie, but what a sick bitch. As far as I’m concerned, he got off easy because I broke my hand thus limiting the amount of damage I could do. My baseball team took this and ran with it, and I will never hear the end of the fag jokes. Ok, I guess it’s possible to find some humor in anything, and I took it in stride, but this has left me with a sick feeling in my gut. The girl I met probably thinks I’m a psycho, and I don’t know how I’m going to handle this. What do I tell my family or the faculty/staff at work? Am I destined to go crazy from this, and if not how do I convince my new lady friend that I don’t brutalize people on a regular basis? Should I just accept the fact that she will always remember the night we met by what happened and that this is too weird to get past? I am really at a loss here.

Dude, that’s one thing you don’t share with A) your baseball team and B) your ex, who is now your fuck buddy. I would’ve left it for the people that witnessed it.

You need to see a psychologist or something man. Get straightened out. I hope he doesn’t press charges against you.

First, I’m sorry you broke your hand. Next time, hurt the other guys in ways that don’t hurt you. But I understand the blind rage you must have felt. How’s the other guy doing?

Anyway, this kind of thing does happen. I had a homosexual acquaintance in college who would tell stories of doing stuff like this. He said he’d walk by a frat house at 2:00 at night, and everybody would be partying. He’d come back by at 4:00 and everybody would be passed out, so he’d go perform fellatio on the guys. He said only once did the guy ever start to wake up, and he split too quickly.

This kind of thing is rape. There are no two ways about it. If you, as a guy, had gone and molested a girl while she was sleeping, and she woke up, you would get charged with sexual assault. I think this is the route you should have taken, as nothing would hurt this guy more than the embarrasment and possible jail time from your allegations. It also might prevent him from taking advantage of other people.

You were violated, and whether it was by a male or female does not matter, though one may bother you more than the other. To be honest, this guy didn’t get as much as he deserved, as rape is a reprehensible crime. I’m sorry that you had to go through this.

You are still a man, though, and still straight. This does not make you gay, only a victim. You have nothing to feel bad about here. Yes, ideally you should have handled it differently, but to say that I would have handled it (ha ha, didn’t intend that pun) differently would be a lie.

Hmm, sounds like quite the ugly situation.
I can honestly see why you responded like you did, in all reality you were “violated” and I dare say a female being violated would probably want to do the same thing, just cant normally due to differences in size.

And it’s really sad if this guy is so messed up with closet thoughts that he can’t just act them out in consensual life and instead sneaks around like a molester. What a pathetic setup that is.

You were really worked up enough that you actually broke bones and kept going. Must have been quite a lot of adrenaline running at that point.

I guess the only thing “bad” that could come from this would be a few things.

  1. Your hand doesnt heal right, messes up future goals.
  2. Mr closet molestor decides to sue/charge you with crime, and due to PC thoughts among a jury or judge the molesting part gets overridden/ignored and the butt kicking part gets priority. Don’t think this is too likely though, what with his affinity for the closet and with extra support from others there.

As far as the “rage” goes, what would you think is acceptable in that situation? Sh*t, if I was touched in that manner I would be considering cutting off that guy’s package and feeding it to him. Giving him a head whacking with your hand is small compared to the myriad of methods of retribution he could have been subjected to.
I will say it again, I have NO CARING for rapists/molestors/kiddie pron peeps. None. I would choose to soak them in napalm if I could.

BTW, Damn that’s a lot to type with your left hand… lol

well, essentially, the guy raped you.

your response however, in this day and age, was completely…inapropriate. You should talk to a therapist man, as soon as possible.

I have no sympathy for the guy, don’t get me wrong, but you could end up in prison. If you had reacted instantly it would have been one thing(self defense), but essentially, you gathered the facts and then proceeded to beat the guy. hint, in a courtroom with a prosecutor that will make you look like a violent meathead, you would be majorly fux0red.

Ask you ex how she would feel if she woke up out of a drunken haze with some strangers hand inside her.

Is the guy you assaulted going to press charges against you? I’m not sure how this works, but if you want to be a Medical Doctor, I believe you should try to keep your record clean. I know my wife’s license to practice OT can be revoked if she get a felony.

You still may be able to press rape charges against him.

Second, leave your new lady friend at that. A new friend. I personally wouldnt spend time trying to convince her you’re Mr. Sensitive. You got off on the wrong foot, and there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Damn Scrub…you have had quite the few weeks my man!! Talk about a good plot line for daytime television.

I agree with Jared in that the better way to have handled the situation would to have gone and pressed charges. But with something like that, rationale thinking doesn’t come into play all that often. I kinda cringed at the thought of that happening to me and it disgusts me to no end. Sorry bro.

Couple of questions though:
Why in the world would you share this with your baseball team? You had to have known the “gay” jokes were coming!?!?!

Are you going to call the chick?

Find out your test scores yet?

Take care my man…Tony G

Dude!! Fuck feeling bad!!! Guy had it coming to him!!! Lousy mother fucker is lucky to be alive!!!

If someone were to do something similar to your mother/sister/cousin/wife/girlfriend etc they would be lucky to leave alive!!

Woe betide those that fuck with me and mine!!!

I don’t think it was the best way to handle the situation but I don’t see prison time in the future either. It’s simple assault, no weapon, and mitigating circumstances. If it ever went to a jury you wouldn’t get convicted. Prosecutors wouldn’t waste their time.

Tip: Heads are harder than the small bones in your hand. I guess you know that now.

Rage is somewhat understandable and the lack of total control is too, you were most likely still drunk at the time. Seeing a counselor wouldn’t hurt anyway, you’ve got a lot of shit going on in a short time and might need to decompress a little. I’m guessing you’re type A personality (a lot of docs are), that coupled with a bunch of stress makes things go sideways sometimes. A little help dealing with that would be a good thing try.

Ok, the only reason it took a short period of time to react (not instantly) was because I was in a state of shock. Unless you’ve been in that type of situation, you can’t tell me that you would have been able to immediately assess what just happened. I had to gather my thoughts and think about what just happened. Isn’t that usually better than just reacting? Add to that the fact that I was pretty intoxicated, it took me a while to realize what had happened. I was stunned. When I fully processed everything, I vomited. I think my response was appropriate, and the guy who did this is not even considering pressing charges because A) he’s ashamed of himself and B) he knows that I can press sexual assault charges. I’m sorry but I disagree with the people who think I handled this the wrong way.

I told my teammates because they are like my brothers and joking around about this is the best way they know how to deal with such a horrible thing. I don’t regret telling them because I know they will be there for me. I have thick skin and they know this. Sitting on the bench and having beers with them yesterday actually made me feel better. Sometimes you have to be able laugh at yourself.

Hey Scrub, I agree, it was an appropriate response. A couple of things that you probably discovered.

Puncing the skull is quite ineffective. Hitting the back of the head probably left him with bruising, maybe a stitch or two and a mild throbbing headache. The dangerous thing is that a couple of inches lower and you could have broken his spine had you hit him at the base of the skull. That could have left him paralyzed or possibly dead. Although, because he was in a bed, the effectiveness of you punches would have been reduced. Had this been on a hard surface, it is possible we would not be talking about this right now.

Anyway, you probably broke your hand because as someone mentioned, you were punching the skull. Also, when punching, it is important to keep you fist tight and punch with the knuckle of the index and middle finger. This transfers the full force of your punch to the target rather than to your hand at strange angles, resulting in breakage. These bones are also better supported by the bones in your wrist rather then the pinky and the second last finger (whatever it is called). But as a doc, I probably don’t need to tell you this.

I’m not sure which bones you broke, but the only time I broke a bone in my hand was when I missed my target and my pinky glanced off my opponents head. It hurt for months. It was a strange fracture, lengthwise along the bone that runs from the knuckle to the wrist behind the pinky.

No matter what anyone says, men don’t go running to the cops about someone touching they’re ‘nono’ place.

I’m not saying that you didn’t do the right thing. There are many “right things” to do in this situation, each having people agree and disagree. I would’ve beat his ass too.

I realize you weren’t thinking clearly, but why didn’t you punch him in the nuts?

What you did was understandable, but as a rule when people are standing around with their jaws dropped “in horror” you have to be open to the possibility that you have gone over the top.

Taking something like this to the cops isn’t the answer. Can you imagine having to answer the question of whether you were hard in the guy’s hand? (Not that that would mean anything at all. I mean, your brain was asleep.) What exactly are they going to do?

The bottom line is that you were violated. Some people right the ship ok after that. Other people need some counseling. It’s no reflection on the character of the person either way. Watch yourself and if you see your behavior getting out of control, do talk to someone. No need to make yourself more of a victim than you already are. I hope that guy gets help before he messes with someone else. His problem isn’t being gay, it’s being a molester.

Elbows and knees man, elbow and knees.

Never punch in the back of the head! Oh well, like everyone else said, live and learn. If you did the same thing to his face, not only would your hand probably be okay, but the guy would be way way more fucked up.

And as for “inappropriate response”? Please. The appropriate response would have been to kick his fucking teeth in; he got off easy.

Dave,

It’s all good man, I personally would have done what you suggested, which would have consisted of kicking him in the face till he had no teeth.

I’m just saying that in todays courts, beating the snot out of someone for ANY reason is a VERY risky proposition.

-sean

Sorry, but beating the living shit out of someone as an uncontrolled reaction is not justifiable.

What next, road rage?

As a potential stress reaction you should at least discuss it with a professional, once is understandable in a given situation, but what happens the next time you get severely stressed/ shaken up?

Anyway what did you get out of beating the crap out of him? A broken hand…you still feel violated…doeswn’t actually sound like a constructive solution…

Don’t get me wrong - the guy who sexually assaulted you was in the wrong and you should bring charges. Obviously he has issues and i’d be concerned that if he doesn’t resolve those he could move on to easier less intimidating targets like kids. He needs help not a concussion.

But what he did and how you responded are separate issues…forget him for the moment, is that how you want to respond?

It’s all about the skull stomp. :slight_smile:

I don’t buy this fucking bullshit for a fucking minute.

There’s a couple of seperate issues here. First, he may not press charges now, but will he change his mind in the future? What you’re looking at is sexual assault on his part, but the real problem is no-one witnessed that, they witnessed you hitting him. How would that play to a DA? Second, get some professional help. One night, a guy woke up to find his roomate fondling him. Seven years later, he’s suing the university, claiming that he has suffered psychological damage, and as a minor league baseball player, he is unable to shower in front of his teammates, or sleep in the presence of other men. You may want to make sure that there are no problems in that area. Last, you psycho ex. She thinks this is funny. She is, from your description of her, a bit odd. How long until she decides to start spreading this around and questioning your sexuality? Good luck with all this man, you have had one helluva summer.