T Nation

The Last Samurai


I saw this movie in the theater a few years ago and thought it was pretty good. So last night I thought it'd be a good idea to watch it again...wrong.

This movie is a flaming pile of horse shit. For starters they play up this whole honor thing like the samurai have a monopoly on it. That's right, the samurai, who were a bunch of bullies and thugs somehow think that they lead some life of honor.

Next they go around making this big point of how awesome they are because they use swords while these other folks use guns. But then you go to the last battle and they are shooting bows and arrows using them as an indirect fire weapon.

Of course they did this after the soldiers shot their guns and were fixing bayonets to fight hand to hand; something the samurai supposedly should have thought was cool. There's a hell of a lot more honor in shooting a man with a direct fire gun than an indirect fire bow. That said, fighting with a bayonet = sword and fighting direct fire with guns = direct fire bow.

Then after they did well against the first wave they decide to engage in some suicide charge against the gatling guns instead of fighting a protracted guerilla war that they could have won. Of course, despite being shot multiple times, Tom Cruise is the only guy to survive out of 500 warriors.

Finally, the emperor finds his balls after all of those guys die. But what sticks in my craw worst of all is Cruise, in his 7th Cav uniform bowing ON HIS HANDS AND KNEES before the emperor, saying shit like, "If you want me dead, just order it and I'll gladly take my own life."

You know who is worth anyone getting on their knees for? NO ONE. That's one of the most degrading acts a person can do. This movie is one of the stupidest pieces of shit I've ever seen. They should have called it "American gets Stockholm Syndrome and Becomes a Dipshit"




I thought it was a good movie, but you have changed my mind. Fuck Tom Cruise.


Seven Samurai imo.


HOly SHIT DUDE!!! YOUR Avatar is awesome!!!!
3 stooges ftw!

I read that the samurai used any weapons they could get there sticky little fingers on. THat includes guns. Also, the suicide thing is overplayed, if they were so willing to kill themselves they would of dissappeared like 3 generations after they started that.


I liked it, of course I wasn't expecting too much. I think the honor thing only counted against other samurai, not against the people you had to exploit for your food.

Also, historically I think the only reason Saigo; Takamori's troops didn't use guns in the last battle is because the government soldiers had them blockaded and they had no access to gun powder.

Tom Cruise is a douche but the real Saigo; was awesome.


I liked it.


Wasn't too bad I thought.


I found your review insightful and hilarious.

I used to like this movie but since you were so convincing I will make a conscious effort to hate it as much as humanly possible.

"American gets Stockholm Syndrome and Becomes a Dipshit" = ROFLMAO


I thought it was alright; nothing fantastic though. Whenever I think of the movie, I think of one Chapelle's show episode, where Paul Mooney says, "I mean Hollywood is crazy, The Last Samurai starring...Tom Cruise?

He's the last samurai? Give me a break, that movie was offensive, I mean Hollywood is crazy. First they had The Mexican with Brad Pitt and now they have The Last Samurai with Tom Cruise. Well I've written a film, maybe they'll produce my film. The Last Black Man On Earth starring Tom Hanks."


The last samurai was saigo takamari... He was a real samurai who fought against the shogun and then against the emperor. When his rebels died there were no more samurai, there was a federal government.

I say all of that just to point out that Paul Mooney is a retard. On Chapelle's show and in his stand up he as show a continual lack of general knowledge in every field. The only way his jokes are funny is if someone has never read a book before.


I didn't read your rant, but the fact that Tom Cruise was the last Samarai was pretty far fetched. Even though the guy is a nut job, i think he is a superb actor. I loved him as the bad guy in Collateral.


You seem to have missed the point.


That same skit is exactly what I thought of when I saw this topic. When I first saw the skit, I think I laughed for 5 minutes straight.


What point is that? At no point in the movie is Tom Cruise the last samurai, nor is it implied that he is the last samurai. If I'm not mistaken, there is a cut scene to a famous statue of Saigo Takumari. Paul Moony's joke is only funny if you have no background knowledge of the film, don't read anything after the film, and if you fail to notice that Saigo is focus of the movie.

I love Chapelle's show, but everything that Paul Moony says requires a basic ignorance about life to be funny. I tried watching his stand up routine and it was the same thing. The show should have been titled "Paul Moony makes tired, shallow, uninformed observations on life"


Since when are hollywood movies supposed to be realistic portrayals of history?




I cry my eyes out every time I watch it.

I don't think you should hate on Tom Cruise unless you hate on every other Hollywood/Actor in the world. They're all the same. Tom Cruise just isn't ashamed to show the world how dopey he is.


Umm...why are you taking what a comedian says so serious in the first place?? That's about as foolish as taking this movie serious. Speaking of which,is anyone planning on watching Mission Impossible Vier...err..Valkyrie??


I take what Paul Moony says seriously because I think he is unfunny. It's subjective. Everytime, I watch his comedy I feel like I'm being bombarded with jokes in the same vein as the "why do 7-11's have locks if they are open 24 hours." By all means if you like him disregard my post...

I'm holding off on Valkyrie. It seems like a netflix movie.


Whether I like him or not is null. As you faintly suggest at disregarding things you dislike,try not to watch Paul Mooney's comedy. I think that might help you immensely. :wink:

Oh,I'm thinking the same for Valkyrie...though I still might catch it in the theaters since I can see it for free.