The Joke Thread

I think it’s about time we start up one of these. ok ok… I’ll start off with the first one.

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?

Give up?

He forgot to wrap his whopper

Bordom is a bitch,

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

Trick Question. Feminists can’t change anything.

Question: Why don’t they have fireworks at Euro Disney?

Answer: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

(I had to :slight_smile:

A blond walked into a room.

Get it?

What’s the differnce between Michael Jackson and Mcdonalds?

They both stick their meat in 5 year old buns.

Michael Jackson is interested in a new career as a jockey.

He likes the idea of being able to ride three year olds.

A guy says to his wife:

Tomorrow, therell be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 2 seconds waiting for you in the driveway.`

The next day his wife found a weighing scale in the driveway.

Q: what would four tampons say if you bought them beers ?

A: they wouldn’t say anything…
…they’re stuck up cunts.

What kind of meat do priest eat?



2 women drive by a potato patch and get out to look. One woman looks down at the potato patch and says “these look just like my husbands balls”

The other woman says “wow…that big and round?”

“No…that hairy and dirty”

I know its not a joke and hopefully you guys forgive me but I laughed at this as much as I did the Michael Jackson joke

On a scale of 1 tot 10, how old is Michael Jackson’s boyfriend …


  1. An Irishman walks out of a bar …

  2. A Welshman walked into his bedroom with sheep under his arm.

“Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache” he said.

“I think you’ll find that’s a sheep” said his wife, sarcastically.

“I think you’ll find I wasn’t talking to you…” said the Welshman

Why can’t lesbians cook?

Because they always eat out.



Two blondes, who decided to become more in touch with nature by learning to identify animal tracks, drove to an isolated area in the countryside to prove their respective prowess and skill to the other.

“Here are rabbit tracks,” the first showed the second.

“And there are raccoon tracks.” the second said to the other.

After wandering further, they came upon a large set of tracks. “Those are deer tracks,” said the first.

“Oh my, no --they are much too large for that. Those are elk tracks.”

“No, those tracks belong to a very big deer.”

“No they are elk.”

Back & forth they argued.
“No, elk.”
“No, deer.”

In fact, they were still arguing, when the train hit them.

Three Nuns, who had led very holy devout lives together, passed away one after the other. And joyfully, as the Good Lord would have it, they arrived at the gates to Heaven together.

Arm-in-arm they began to walk through the Pearly Gates, when Saint Peter stepped forward and stopped them. "Sisters, I am sorry to stop you, but with the recent crises and deaths on earth, Heaven has become a bit full; and we have been forced to revert to a final one question quiz for admission into Heaven.

The Sisters were beside themselves, but Saint Peter consoled them, “Please do not worry. They are religious oriented questions; and having led the holy, devoted lives that you each have led, I am sure you will have little problem correctly answering.”

So the first Sister stepped up, and Saint Peter asked her, “Tell me Sister, what was the name of the first man?”

She thought for only a moment and answered, “Why that’s an easy one. His name was Adam.” And the gates opened, the trumpets blew, the angels sung, and she walked into Heaven.

The second Sister stepped forward and Saint Peter asked her, “Tell me, what was the name of the first woman?”

She thought for a moment and answered, “Why that’s an easy one! Her name was Eve!” And the gates opened, the trumpets blew, the angels sung, and she walked into Heaven.

The third Sister stepped forward, knowing how easy the first two questions had been, when St. Peter asked her, “Tell me Sister, what were the first words Eve said to Adam?”

She thought for a long, silent moment. She didn’t remember a reference to Eve’s first words to Adam in any of the teachings she had received. She thought for a moment longer. Nothing she could remember ever mentioned Eve’s first words to Adam. The question seemed so unfair.

The first question had been so easy. The second question had been just as easy. Out of frustration, she said, “Wow, that’s a hard one!”

And thus, the gates opened, the trumpets blew and the angels sung. And she was allowed to walk into Heaven.

This has been my g/f’s favorite joke since she was 4 yrs old…

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree???

Because it was dead.

Here’s my pathetic contribution:

Why don’t Italians succeed at deep sea diving???

Because Oil and Water don’t mix.

A priest and a nun were traveling in the desert by camel to a far away church. The journey was long and as happens since time began, they got lost.

They eventually ran out of supplies, and the camels started to die. Eventually, the last camel died. The priest and the nun were lying in the shade that the camel provided, and were talking.

Finally the nun says “Father, I’ve lived all my life in the service of God. I’ve never been with a man or seen a penis. Do you think I could see yours before I die?”

The Priest was surprised at first but he soon gave in to her request “Yes my dear. You may.” And with that, he stood up and dropped hi trousers, revealing a large phallus.

“HOLY SHIT!” exclaimed the nun, “What the fuck is that?”

“Why it’s the giver of life, my child,” replied the priest.

“Then stick it in the God damned camel and let’s get the hell outta here!”

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street when the pass a young, 12 year old boy. the priest says to the rabbi,“we should fuck that boy!” The rabbi replies, “Fuck him out of what?”

And a classic…Who was the last person to have sex with Marilyn Monroe? The coroner.

Question: Why is it called PMS?

Answer: Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken!