T Nation

The Jaws of Satan


#1

I think it would be good for you atheists to know what you're getting into. If you renounce God, you will spend eternity being chewed in the jaws of Satan. Though I will not take such an oath, here's one for all of you so that Satan knows clearly and precisely who you are. State publicly now the following oath:

"I __________________ do hereby fully and completely reject God and his saving grace. I wish to spend eternity being tortured in the jaws of Satan, in screaming agony forever."

Alright, show us how you've got 'real balls' and can spit in the face of God! C'mon, don't be a fucking coward. And don't tell me I'm a retard or any of your bullshit. Take the oath, cowards!!


#2

O.K. I'll bite. Oops, sorry, pardon the pun.


#3

Of course the only way to haven is to be a christian fundamentalist republican-voter, isnt it?

I guess the the dark holdpeopledownwithreligionbs age isnt over yet, the rest of the western world passed that stage in middle age.


#4

"But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death." Revelation 21:8


#5

The unbelieving would include the most of the people walking the earth right now, as well as the overwhelming majority of people who have lived since the original X-mas, and all the people who were born prior to that? Has anyone ever calculated the size of that lake? That is one big motherfucking lake.


#6

Wooo. Scary stuff.

Hey, look, I'll even do it officially:

"I POOKIE do hereby fully and completely reject God and his saving grace. I wish to spend eternity being tortured in the jaws of Satan, in screaming agony forever."

I wish I could get video of all the born-agains gasping in horror as they read the above. :slight_smile:


#7

"The Romans killed Jesus on the cross. His death on the cross saved us from our sins. Therefore, we should worship the Romans." - Earle Jones - in alt.atheism.satire


#8

Unfortunately, you are right:

"Enter ye in at the straita gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: 14Becauseb strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it." Matthew 7:13-14

But.........

"The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance." 2 Peter 3:9

The choice is yours.............


#9

Random question, but is being chewed by the jaws of Satan in any way biblical? I know it's in Inferno . . . I just can't think of any scriptural references. And aside from that, the chewing's only for the really bad traitors, Judas, Brutus and Cassius. And it's not even hot there.


#10

Pookie,

I am not gasping in horror, as much as I am praying for your eternal soul. Your rejection of God is very sad indeed. You really are blind Pookie, and making fun, saying that believers are mental cases, etc, to only make you "feel better" about rejecting God is also sad.

Repent Pookie!


#11

Can I get more praying and less typing?

How can I reject an imaginary being? I don't "reject" Santa Claus. Do you? I'm familiar with the concept of "Bugs Bunny" but I don't attribute him an actual physical existence out of the minds of men. God is just like Bugs Bunny, but without the wit and the carrot.

Well some of it is very amusing, sorry if that offends you.

I respect your right to hold whatever belief you wish; but I don't respect the beliefs themselves. Them I find ridiculous.

I'm not familiar with the process. Do I need to pent first, or can I repent directly? Is there also a rerepent? How'bout an unpent? Do you read Repenthouse magazine? Repenties sniffing maybe? No?

Ok, I'll stop now.


#12

Does Satan floss? Because chewing on all those souls eternally might cause the big guy some really serious periodontal issues.
Maybe he picks his teeth with his pointy tail?


#13

No, actually it's very hot there! It's also dark.

Jude 1:13:

"They are wild waves of the sea foaming up their shame; wandering stars for whom BLACKEST DARKNESS has been reserved forever.

So...we have a very HOT and DARK place where you will be TORMENTED for eternity.

Not exactly Disney Land....

For a more complete description click on the links below:

www.fillthevoid.org/Christian/Hell/HellBiblicaldescription.html

www.fillthevoid.org/Christian/Hell/Falseviewsabouthell.html

www.fillthevoid.org/Tracts/Therealityofhell/the-reality-of-hell.html


#14

Ahh, when all else fails, we must threaten for them to follow us. Isn't that right headhunter?

Satan has one big fuckin stomache. I bet he's diesel. This is a bodybuilding site so you're probably not doing God very much good with this one.


#15

"We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I do believe that. I think religion stops people from thinking. I think it justified crazies." Bill Maher

the bible looks like it started out as a game of mad libs


#16

Sounds like a BMV office in southern Texas.


#17

... and really really crowded.


#18

Religions that seek to prey on fear do not work. Relgions that instead focus on living a good and moral life and indeed focus on LIFE and not the afterlife help inspire people to make the right decisions. This fire and brimstone stuff is hysterical.

A am not an atheist. But it is hysterical to me that these fundamentalist halfwits with their heads in the sand think visions of hell are really going to convince people to believe in God or alternativley become religious if they already do.

There is that theory that says you 'might as well' believe in God because you lose nothing by believing and risk hell if you don't I forget who advanced it. But is has fatal holes. It's not so easy to instill one of the most fundamental, ingrained beliefs because of fear of fiery end.


#19

I don't know. I think my vision of hell is being stuck on the Small World ride for all of eternity. I think that would be worse than all of the fire and brimstone imaginable!


#20

Only Pookie took the oath (and thus condemned himself ). Stop dancing around and type the oath, if you really and truly have nothing to fear. Laugh at me, enjoy making fun of Christians as being a bunch of nutcases...but sign the oath.

If its all fantasy, nothing to fear, right?

You have time to type nonsense, but won't take the oath. What's that tell all of us 'ignorant' Christians?