The 'I'm an Idiot' Moment

[quote]Zap Branigan wrote:
It would be a shorter list if I just posted the instances when I wasn’t an idiot.

[/quote]

No kidding. My boss to a coworker the other day, overheard as I bumblingly exited a room: “Did she just walk into that door?” And I had. Right into it. I miscalculate doorways frequently (it’s not a physical defect, I’m just not entirely paying attention), open the refrigerator into my own face sometimes (once I did this with the car door, which really hurt). I’m that person who, when wearing a backpack, turns around and knocks furniture over with it (last week, also in front of my boss).

And then I have episodes of what I call “dorking out,” which when they happen (rarely, thank God) are extreme enough that even perfect strangers find it painfully embarrassing. My husband said of one such episode “I almost just left and never came back.” It involved a carwash. I couldn’t get the car in, even though I’m truly a competent driver and can easily maneuver and am perfectly intelligent and capable. But…not that day. Things just kept going from bad to worse. :frowning:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
It would be a shorter list if I just posted the instances when I wasn’t an idiot.

No kidding. My boss to a coworker the other day, overheard as I bumblinbly exited a room: “Did she just walk into that door?” And I had. Right into it. I miscalculate doorways frequently (it’s not a physical defect, I’m just not entirely paying attention), open the refrigerator into my own face sometimes (once I did this with the car door, which really hurt). I’m that person who, when wearing a backpack, turns around and knocks furniture over with it (last week, also in front of my boss).

And then I have episodes of what I call “dorking out,” which when they happen (rarely, thank God) are extreme enough that even perfect strangers find it painfully embarrassing. My husband said of one such episode “I almost just left and never came back.” It involved a carwash. I couldn’t get the car in, even though I’m truly a competent driver and can easily maneuver and am perfectly intelligent and capable. But…not that day. Things just kept going from bad to worse. :frowning:

[/quote]

I have to ask my daughter where stuff is. Cause I have no clue. And sure enough she remembers. This is when I see that I am idiot cause my 4 yr old can out smart her dad.

Ugh, I hate to even bring up this story but it gets such great reviews of people actually seeing me be an idiot sober, its too good to not let ya’ll know about it.

Back in high school, I was dropping off my ex in her parking lot and I had the window down in my truck.

As she was walking off I was waving and smiling blah blah blah and decided to roll the window up with my other hand while performing the most perfectly executed Miss America smile and wave.

And then, THUNK. I rolled that damn window right into my front teeth.

Sigh…

[quote]imhungry wrote:
polo77j wrote:
football061 wrote:
Stuck my dick in a meat grinder. Pssht. After that I realised I’m an idiot.

re�??al�??ize
verb, -ized, -iz�??ing.
�??verb (used with object)

  1. to grasp or understand clearly

Another time when you might realized you’re an idiot?? Maybe?? Hmmm? Just a lil?

I’ll use “realized” in a sentence:

“When I read this post, I REALIZED that the person who posted it, is a twat.”

How’s that?[/quote]

.

Oh I also ruptured my achilles tendon by falling in the shower. Still have no idea how that really happened but it did.

I try and make up a much more fun story than that.

[quote]nowakc wrote:
Oh I also ruptured my achilles tendon by falling in the shower. Still have no idea how that really happened but it did.

I try and make up a much more fun story than that.[/quote]

Were you alone?

Let me think about it for a minute…

Nope. Never been an idiot. Carry on everybody.

A couple of months ago I went to work. At approximately 4:30 in the afternoon, I checked my calendar and learned I was on vacation.

Loser.

a while ago I was changing the clutch slave cylinder on a car (cost =£180) and after several hours labour to do the job I was nearly done and just refitting the engine mount when I airgunned up the bolts and noticed I just clamped the slave cylinder pipe with the mount, erm… another slave cylinder please

[quote]ouroboro_s wrote:
A couple of months ago I went to work. At approximately 4:30 in the afternoon, I checked my calendar and learned I was on vacation.

Loser.[/quote]

What an ultimate suck.

My question would be, did you still have to burn that vacation day?

[quote]johnward82 wrote:
ouroboro_s wrote:
A couple of months ago I went to work. At approximately 4:30 in the afternoon, I checked my calendar and learned I was on vacation.

Loser.

What an ultimate suck.

My question would be, did you still have to burn that vacation day? [/quote]

No. I got it back but I do have to put up with continual reminders not to show up every subsequent time I’ve booked days off.

I have, on several different occasions shocked the shit out of myself (not-literally) changing light bulbs. Why and how I continue to do this, I have no idea.

[quote]Uncle Gabby wrote:
I have, on several different occasions shocked the shit out of myself (not-literally) changing light bulbs. Why and how I continue to do this, I have no idea.[/quote]

1.You literally shocked yourself-with electric?

2.You literally shocked your concepts of how stupid you could be while changing lightbulbs?

3.You have never literally handled a light bulb nor ever shocked yourself with electricity.

Which is it?

[quote]RebornTN wrote:
Uncle Gabby wrote:
I have, on several different occasions shocked the shit out of myself (not-literally) changing light bulbs. Why and how I continue to do this, I have no idea.

1.You literally shocked yourself-with electric?

2.You literally shocked your concepts of how stupid you could be while changing lightbulbs?

3.You have never literally handled a light bulb nor ever shocked yourself with electricity.

Which is it?[/quote]

  1. I literally never shit myself.

edit: never literally makes more sense.

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I couldn’t get the car in, even though I’m truly a competent driver and can easily maneuver and am perfectly intelligent and capable. But…not that day. Things just kept going from bad to worse. :frowning:
[/quote]

must

not

make

sexist

jokes

GAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

[quote]DickBag wrote:
i used to lose people’s keys to their rooms in the hotel i worked, then i would try and look professional explaining that i lost their key when they got back. they would get mad, then i would get mad that they are getting angry with me, and then i look like a real clown.

other times i would rent the room to someone, then accidently rent the same room again after the people leave their room for a walk. then i have to face them when they get back explaining the whole situation. the bad thing is that they thought i was professional and helpfull until i do that. fuck sake i once had to climb up the side of the hotel 2 floors to get into some one’s room for them after i gave the key to some guy who wanst booked in the room. he left, so i had to open the door the hard way.

my friend is worse than me though, he fell asleep one night shift for 5 hours, and someone took a shit in the kitchen and robbed his wages, hilarious.

ive scratched guest’s cars, forgot to give wakeup calls resulting in them missing flights ( americans) and many many more stupid shit that i had to face the guests after. i had to face nearly everyone of the cuntes that i screwed up with, very humbling.

the manager/owner never knew any of this.

maybe thats why i survived their for four years…

[/quote]

someone took a shit in the kitchen and robbed your friend?

you wouldnt know anything about that, would you?

Well I’ll tell my friends mishap he had the other night going to a co-workers wedding. Him and his g/f were all dressed up their best. Well he ends up locking his keys inside his explorer when they were about to leave. His g/f ends up having to call her mom to get her. I laughed my ass off when I heard.

Then this past week I locked my own car while it was running and I panicked for a minute. Then realized I had a spare key.

One time I saw some gym rats doing some weak quarter squats. So I was doing legs that day also. I was like f these putas, I loaded up the same weight and I commence repping out full squats then on a rep I sat back to far and the bar started rolling down my back and CRASH I fell on my ass infront of everyone.

[quote]rainjack wrote:
My brother in law was home from Iraq, and we were throwing a small party to welcome him home.

While he was away, we had purchased a new Suburban with a pretty decent Bose sound system in it.

He had some new CD’s he wanted me to listen to and I wanted to show off my new sound system, so we went out to the Suburban.

Now it probably goes without saying, but we had had a few (too many) drinks by that time, and instead of waiting for the CD deck to flash the green light signaling it was okay to gently feed the CD into the player - my bro-in-law jams the first CD into the player like he was trying to clear an M-16.

Needless to say he rendered my new, really cool, Bose car stereo useless.

We sat there cussing at each other for a few minutes until it hit me. ONSTAR!

I pushed the OnStar button thinking this was probably the best idea I had ever had. The guy answered the call and I told him our problem and if he could just eject the CD from my stereo. A very simple and reasonable request, I thought.

He just chuckled,and said - “you want me to what?”

I repeated my request.

He laughed again and told me they can’t do that.

I got pissed.

I asked why in the hell he could unlock a car door for some stupid mother who had left her damn kid in the car - from outer fucking space, but he couldn’t eject a CD from a factory stereo system?

He asked me how much I had had to drink, and I told him that my alcohol consumption was not relevant to the fact that he was discriminating against my brother-in-law who was a war hero.

It was the next morning when I realized that I was indeed an idiot. [/quote]

That’s fucking great.

I am a teenager in the US. That just speaks for itself.