The 'I'm an Idiot' Moment

Off Topic
1

There are moments in everyone’s life that are quite humbling. Moments where, through no-one’s fault but your own, you realize that I might be an idiot.

I’m sitting at work and wondering why this automated test I’m trying to work on isn’t working. It was working Friday and all day yesterday it seemed to have crapped out. This morning the same thing was happening.

Turns out there’s this little button on the monitor. This little button happens to turn the monitor on and off. This little button happened to be turning the monitor off. Yep, I turned it on and sure enough, like a sweaty mushroom stamp, WHAM!! I’m an idiot.

Probably not my best “I’m an idiot” moment, but certainly up there. So, does anyone else have a good I’m an idiot anecdote?

2

Stuck my dick in a meat grinder. Pssht. After that I realised I’m an idiot.

3

We were BSing about something and I said it was futile. He said, “I bet you can’t even spell futile!” I said, “Sure I can, f-u-i-t-i-l-e!” He made me re-spell it three or four times until I realized my error.

We may have been drinking.

Another time I got into work earlier than usual and no one had had any coffee yet. I asked my secretary how to get the handle up to pump out the coffee. She got this look of pure joy on her face, walked me into the kitchen, and showed me how you simply take the little handle and lift it up. Like, a dead retarded monkey could’ve figured that one out.

Third “I’m an idiot” moment, I steamed raw broccoli in the office microwave. Stunk up the entire floor. The manager was about ready to call the building’s engineer, thinking that something had died in the ceiling.

4

[quote]football061 wrote:
Stuck my dick in a meat grinder. Pssht. After that I realised I’m an idiot.[/quote]

re�??al�??ize
verb, -ized, -iz�??ing.
�??verb (used with object)

  1. to grasp or understand clearly

Another time when you might realized you’re an idiot?? Maybe?? Hmmm? Just a lil?

5

Walking around with my cars keys in my hands while wondering where the fuck my keys are is usually a pretty good constant reminder of how dumb I am.

6

[quote]polo77j wrote:
football061 wrote:
Stuck my dick in a meat grinder. Pssht. After that I realised I’m an idiot.

re�??al�??ize
verb, -ized, -iz�??ing.
�??verb (used with object)

  1. to grasp or understand clearly

Another time when you might realized you’re an idiot?? Maybe?? Hmmm? Just a lil?[/quote]

I’ll use “realized” in a sentence:

“When I read this post, I REALIZED that the person who posted it, is a twat.”

How’s that?

7

I was on google maps one day, looking at streetview. I knew our house that we had just moved into had been remodeled a couple years ago. I looked up our address on streetview and was blown away by the difference! Completely different paintjob, and entire additions and subtractions to the house, including a whole huge front porch! I called my roommate into the room and told him how much our house had changed since they remodeled it.

Never occurred to me that I might just be stupid enough to completely forget what our neighbor’s house looks like, and that the streetview pics probably werent that old.

8

[quote]polo77j wrote:
There are moments in everyone’s life that are quite humbling. Moments where, through no-one’s fault but your own, you realize that I might be an idiot.[/quote]

Last time that happened was around 12:15 this afternoon.

There was time I tried to carry an EZ Curl bar loaded with a 45 lb plate per side through the gym, walking around machines and crap when I realized that I can actually take the weight off.

9

[quote]analog_kid wrote:
Walking around with my cars keys in my hands while wondering where the fuck my keys are is usually a pretty good constant reminder of how dumb I am. [/quote]

I though I was the only one, shit seems to happen to me weekly…

10

My brother in law was home from Iraq, and we were throwing a small party to welcome him home.

While he was away, we had purchased a new Suburban with a pretty decent Bose sound system in it.

He had some new CD’s he wanted me to listen to and I wanted to show off my new sound system, so we went out to the Suburban.

Now it probably goes without saying, but we had had a few (too many) drinks by that time, and instead of waiting for the CD deck to flash the green light signaling it was okay to gently feed the CD into the player - my bro-in-law jams the first CD into the player like he was trying to clear an M-16.

Needless to say he rendered my new, really cool, Bose car stereo useless.

We sat there cussing at each other for a few minutes until it hit me. ONSTAR!

I pushed the OnStar button thinking this was probably the best idea I had ever had. The guy answered the call and I told him our problem and if he could just eject the CD from my stereo. A very simple and reasonable request, I thought.

He just chuckled,and said - “you want me to what?”

I repeated my request.

He laughed again and told me they can’t do that.

I got pissed.

I asked why in the hell he could unlock a car door for some stupid mother who had left her damn kid in the car - from outer fucking space, but he couldn’t eject a CD from a factory stereo system?

He asked me how much I had had to drink, and I told him that my alcohol consumption was not relevant to the fact that he was discriminating against my brother-in-law who was a war hero.

It was the next morning when I realized that I was indeed an idiot.

11

[quote]imhungry wrote:
polo77j wrote:
football061 wrote:
Stuck my dick in a meat grinder. Pssht. After that I realised I’m an idiot.

re�??al�??ize
verb, -ized, -iz�??ing.
�??verb (used with object)

  1. to grasp or understand clearly

Another time when you might realized you’re an idiot?? Maybe?? Hmmm? Just a lil?

I’ll use “realized” in a sentence:

“When I read this post, I REALIZED that the person who posted it, is a twat.”

How’s that?[/quote]

ROFL! Good catch hungry, I owe you one on that haha.

12

It would be a shorter list if I just posted the instances when I wasn’t an idiot.

Done.

13

i like to commemorate those moments by saying dane cook’s line, “iiiiiiiiiiiiiii’m dumb.”

14

I spent 5 minutes this morning walking around looking for my glasses and getting pissed when I couldn’t find them only to discover that they were already on my face.

Somehow it didn’t occur to me that I could see perfectly even though I’m completely blind without them.

But hey, 5 a.m. is early.

15

I was walking down Main Street, listening to music, sticking to the treebelt, trying not to get horribly maimed by passing semis, when a car pulled into the driveway about five feet ahead of me. The guy inside was wearing sunglasses, and his window was rolled down. His head was turned in my direction. I walked up to his car, and bent down close to his face, as it was loud and I wanted to hear what he was trying to ask me, as my music was on when he first pulled up. I asked, ‘Is something up?’

‘I’m just trying to turn around, man.’

Oh. Right./facepalm

16

I once was driving my ex’s car and I stopped at the drive up ATM. I pulled up to it, rolled down the window, and pulled my card out of my wallet.

As I tried to insert the card, I dropped it onto the ground. OOPS! I sat there and dreamt up several ways to retrieve my card without actually getting out of the car to get it. Finally I decided on a brilliant move!

So I pulled up, opened the car door, and shifted into reverse.

Heard a loud CRUNCH, looked up and saw that I had backed the door into the side of the ATM.

Picked the card up, got some cash, drove home.

Ex started crying when she saw her car. :frowning: Sorry baby…

17

[quote]analog_kid wrote:
Walking around with my cars keys in my hands while wondering where the fuck my keys are is usually a pretty good constant reminder of how dumb I am. [/quote]

Where are my sunglasses??? Oh, on my head,…nvrmnd.

18

I was quoting the relation from Euclidean geometry which states, “The square of the hypotenuse of a right triangle is equal to the sum of the squares on the other two sides” and I accidentally said the “left” triangle. I know, I know, stupid me.

19

Uh, well I am currently wearing a cast on my left arm. Last sunday was out at our local bar watching football games with buddies. It was halftime of the 4:00 games so I had been drinking since 1:00. A group of guys come in with matching t-shirts on so I break thier balls a little, knowing they must be in some sports league. They say they play flag football. One thing leads to another and soon I am challenging one of thier guys (whoever was fastest out of them) to a foot race out in the street.

We get out to the road and line up, I am so cocky that I line up about 2 feet behind him. Someone yells go and we take off, about 1/4 of the way, I realize I am indeed drunk and my current 75% run isn’t going to be winning any races. I kick it up a little and start to gain a little ground on the guy, I’m only a pace behind him when my shoe comes untied. I am in shoes not sneakers, but instead of stopping, I just continue on. Then as we get past halfway, I realize I still need to kick it up another notch in order to win as this guy is actually pretty quick. Well that extra boost did me in, I overextended on a stride and lost balance for a second. While trying to recover, made more difficult by being drunk, I also stepped on a shoelace. The resulting crash left with two skinned knees, a skinned elbow, Hamburg hand on the left palm and a scrped ankle. Also the following day I find out the end of my ulna by the wrist is broken.

For the record, after i bit and gathered myself back up, I walked back, tied my shoe up tight and said, Rematch? He said sure, and I subsequently dusted him, with a broken wrist and bleeding in 5 places.

But yea, I realized that day that I am in fact an idiot. Like my father always says, it’s hard to be a fuckup and not show it.

V

20

[quote]Vegita wrote:
Uh, well I am currently wearing a cast on my left arm. Last sunday was out at our local bar watching football games with buddies. It was halftime of the 4:00 games so I had been drinking since 1:00. A group of guys come in with matching t-shirts on so I break thier balls a little, knowing they must be in some sports league. They say they play flag football. One thing leads to another and soon I am challenging one of thier guys (whoever was fastest out of them) to a foot race out in the street.

We get out to the road and line up, I am so cocky that I line up about 2 feet behind him. Someone yells go and we take off, about 1/4 of the way, I realize I am indeed drunk and my current 75% run isn’t going to be winning any races. I kick it up a little and start to gain a little ground on the guy, I’m only a pace behind him when my shoe comes untied. I am in shoes not sneakers, but instead of stopping, I just continue on. Then as we get past halfway, I realize I still need to kick it up another notch in order to win as this guy is actually pretty quick. Well that extra boost did me in, I overextended on a stride and lost balance for a second. While trying to recover, made more difficult by being drunk, I also stepped on a shoelace. The resulting crash left with two skinned knees, a skinned elbow, Hamburg hand on the left palm and a scrped ankle. Also the following day I find out the end of my ulna by the wrist is broken.

For the record, after i bit and gathered myself back up, I walked back, tied my shoe up tight and said, Rematch? He said sure, and I subsequently dusted him, with a broken wrist and bleeding in 5 places.

But yea, I realized that day that I am in fact an idiot. Like my father always says, it’s hard to be a fuckup and not show it.

V[/quote]

Victory at any cost!