T Nation

The 'Help With My School Paper, Please.' Thread


#1

Since some of us are still in school writing fun papers and others who completed school who wrote many papers, I was hoping if we could all help eachother out.

I am doing a paper and was wondering how this sounded to you guys and girls. Is there any other way to make this flow better or should I leave it?

"For perceptual motor abilities we had done four different tests. The tests were dealing with are; multiple limb coordination by juggling a soccer ball with feet, aiming through shooting a basketball, reaction time by clicking a stop button when the computer screen turned colour, and arm-hand steadiness where subjects had to hold a pen in a ring without either touching each other."

Thanks.


#2

I'd fail you just for this


#3

Yeah that can definitely be reworded better. I'll let other people give you advice though because I'm not all that great of a writer.

Where is DBcooper at?


#4

I hate editing just single sections like this, and you should really just write out the paper all at once then edit it [if you can get it, get a program that writes as you speak]. Otherwise it'll veer off into weird directions (my experience).


#5

I would bullet point the four tests. Also:

"The tests were dealing with are;" - ? makes no sense.

"aiming through shooting a basketball" - "through" does not seem right here.

"reaction time by clicking a stop button when the computer screen turned colour" - "turned colour" ? would be better as "changed to a different colour" or "turned red/green/*insert whatever colour here*"

"and arm-hand steadiness where subjects had to hold a pen in a ring without either touching each other" - I would change this to "without touching the ring with the pen"


#6

Put it in point form.


#7

You write like it's painful.

I'm sensing a "C" for your unimaginative and formal efforts.


#8

For perceptual motor abilities we had done four different tests. Each test involved physical coordination and are as follows: juggling a soccer ball to test multiple limb coordination, shooting a basketball to test aim and depth perception, responding to a visual stimulus to test reaction time, and maintaining a pen in a ring while minimizing contact between the two to test to test arm-hand steadiness (really, call this small/fine motor coordination or somethin).


#9

"For perceptual motor abilities we had done four different tests. The tests were dealing with are; multiple limb coordination by juggling a soccer ball with feet, aiming through shooting a basketball, reaction time by clicking a stop button when the computer screen turned colour, and arm-hand steadiness where subjects had to hold a pen in a ring without either touching each other."

We used four different tests to assess perceptual motor abilities (is the exactly the wording you want to use, it seems a little bit... slippery to me); and then clearly state you tests. How's that sound?

Although its not what you asked to be critiqued on, did you account for the fact that your first two tests are learned skills. For example, someone who played basketball in middle school might outperform, by a wide margin, an elite Archer or a pro baseball pitcher.


#10


#11

To test perceptual motor abilities, we conducted four different tests.

list tests like RSGZ.

done.


#12

Thanks, this does sound and look much better. I written other papers with much success. However, I got hung up on this part of it.

@Chris
I always find myself wording sections at a time. My teacher isn't expecting much from this paper but I like to put in the extra effort to make it look professional. I'll give your idea a go tomorrow. I never do rough draft or write out ideas before hand. I always just type as I think.


#13

If you want a paper to look professional, start doing these things. "Typing as you think" is great for a first draft, if that works for you.


#14

Shouldn't use personal pronouns.


#15

Fuck if I turned in a first draft. However, I do a first edit and a second edit and always end up with 95-100%.


#16

Your first sentence is really awkward. If writing academically, don't use personal pronouns:

Then list the tests in bullet format like RSGZ suggested.