The last few instances where I’ve just been quiet, one person in particular thought I was a bit mentally unstable and the entire staff still doesn’t even know my name despite there a being a rectangular, white name tag right on my chest.
True, we’re all gonna die. But I’ve always been a happy go lucky optimist, but it’s equally paired with cynicism and a dash of nihilism. And the two clash. Hard. I’m always giving a shit about others, and being patient and understanding, even if I don’t know them at all and having these involuntary yet enjoyable bouts of being happy with a big dose of “FUCK YEA”. But I also just don’t care. Like at all.
I also don’t think it helps that I’m small. People think just because I’m 5 foot I’m “cute and harmless”. Yea, I’ll harmlessly take a chunk of your neck out. Lol. Aside from the “OMG CAN I TOUCH YOUR HAIR ITS SO COOL!”, I also get, “WOW, you’re so short!” Que aforementioned topic I just ranted about being brought up.
HOWEVER, the folks in there aren’t even a quarter of the way able to ground themselves in any of their thinking or living. Like any. And I don’t really wish to be apart of a group. Not that I’m purposefully trying to or anything. I just like being myself.
I didn’t really go through any of the “ethical” training, because my face said “I just need extra money to catch up on my rent”, throughout the entire interview.
Idk. When it comes to the racial thing, people who make a big deal about skin color, make a big deal out of nothing, regardless of if its well intended or not.
The ultimate form of acceptance, through my eyes, is not giving a damn about melanin percentages or lacktherof in people, and caring about all the other principles of character that can’t be categorized by…that whole thing. I’m here to brew coffee and give it to people.
Asking me every 10 mins if “I’m okay”, is a sad ironic situation, because people constantly thinking that any vulnerabilities I do have is related to the fact that I’m some shade of brown, is actually making me not okay.
But after I came home from work today, my brain did a Ctrl, Alt, Delete move as soon as my husband came home, so there’s that. I get straight up short turn memory loss, because my husband just sucks up all of my attention, because my emotions declare right then and there that he’s the most interesting thing. Ever. Lol