The Flame-Free Confession Thread

I was dealing with this guy yesterday who would find a problem with everything I would ask of him and eventually he had a mega flip out about how we stuffed his plans.

If this guy was more important, I’d probably have tried to smooth things over but I figured I can live without his input. So instead I just kept throwing silly workarounds to his problem then kept “rubbing” my eye with my middle finger as he responded… because I’m an adult lol

1 Like

Out of interest, what changed that allowed you to get over it? Possibly not the place to discuss it, but I have BDD and, whilst my wife is supportive beyond words, I know it is causing her a lot of mental anguish to see me struggle with this.

So what do you see yourself as?

I don’t want to hijack the thread, but generally as fat and undermuscled. It is a view I have been “dealing” (or, rather, failing to deal with) for the past 14 years.

Hence, my long-suffering wife having to support me and my regular spiraling.

2 Likes

I volunteer with guys with your problem. Do you seek outside help. And I don’t think anyone would mind or put up new thread cuz I think we all have body image issues. I thought I was fat when I was over 40 lbs lighter than I am now. Editing body image issues are not gender specific

I don’t think you ever get over it, but for me, spiritualism has helped. By that I mean breathwork and meditation. I’ve been reading Buddhist stuff lately, and they talk a great deal about self grasping, being overly attached to yourself - ego. If you can get to a place where you realize this life is more about serving others than cherishing self, you begin to realize that your appearance matters little to those that matter.

Recently, I have begun going to yoga and I have found that to be beneficial in terms of connecting mind, body, and spirit.

I started this thread WooWoo Stuff - All Things Woowoo for those that are interested. I’d be happy to speak more there.

1 Like

@steigs you look awesome. I know it’s hard to accept other people’s opinions or believe them with stuff like this, but I just wanted to let you know you should be proud of your physique.

How often do you look in the mirror? See it as your wife sees it, you’re your only competition. My husband won’t even discuss weight. He’ll leave the house. Those are the scars I made. I’m sure you look awesome and I’ve posted a few pics of me because I wanted feedback because I have no idea how I should look…because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I never see beauty in me but getting positive feedback keeps the fork in my hand

I definitely 2nd this @steigs. And I’m not the type of bloke to blow smoke up someone’s arse.

1 Like

@littlelee ok so my wife tells me yesterday she can look at guys and tell the ones that lift. Should I be jealous? :joy::joy::joy:. I’m not…

@kd13 and @Irishman92 - appreciated.

As you note, external validation doesn’t really help as I can hear it from my wife 100 times and I’ll still ask her for the 101st time whether I look fat/weak etc.

@girlgotguns far too often, but I have noticed that I’ll spiral more when I’m suffering from some ‘other’ stress factor - be it work or family etc. My wife has been excellent at trying to support me and has read a lot of material on the topic. She now refuses to engage in the validation process and instead just offers to discuss the ‘other’ issue with me. It helps to a degree, but I feel no matter how hard I fight it that I can’t believe what ever objective evidence there is available.

I’ve tried seeing someone for CBT, but I find I just rationalise around it.

I understand. Ill never approve of myself either, so I just focus on health. We have no scale in our house. Stress of work and athletics made me go up and down in weight.

Now I still struggle with being naked in front of my husband, I think he is still counting each rib or bulging hip bone. It’s hard because I feel like my insides are on the out because I never feel Ill ever be good enough. He is not a cuddler, hugger or hand holder. Sometimes, my mind says that it’s because I’m not good enough. He and his buddies have nicknames for me now, but still I just hate what I see in the mirror and wonder what’s in his mind. I get a little paranoid because I’m about to be 40 and my athletics and looks got me places before my eating disorder. Years have past by, and I was hanging at a recovery center when I told a girl I didn’t have kids. She said “oh, I’m getting a surrogate mother because I don’t want to get fat or have stretch marks”. It shocked even me. It’s an illness but think of positives if you can because if you hate yourself as much as I feel embarrassed about me that’s not living.

1 Like

image

For me, traditional CBT alone doesn’t help. I have gotten help from an Inner Family Systems therapist and combining that with meditation and breathwork.

I posted a link for free breathwork in the WooWoo thread.

Nope, but women look too…just sayin!

1 Like

Not MY wife…Does she? :fearful:

1 Like

Of course, evidently she is particularly good at it if you haven’t noticed her doing it.

Let me repeat (@The_Myth) that the therapies are not as important as the relationship between therapist and client. You might find it difficult to rationalize around it with me, @steigs, because I would be calling you on it, whether in the moment or in reviewing your week. I worked in gyms and weight loss before getting my master’s and becoming a therapist, so you would find it difficult to dance around me with your training talk and such. But honestly, it doesn’t even matter what it is that someone uses to block/justify/rationalize - if the person is at all able and willing to develop insight, rationalizations, whether from distorted thinking or as a means to protect the dysfunction, will break down. In fact, that is the work. You should try another therapist. CBT is generally considered the right therapy for eating disorders. But really, it matters not. Someone you can trust and who will narrow their eyes at you when you’re dissembling - hopefully in a way that makes you smile rather than feel insulted - is what you need.

1 Like

But…But…But…I’m sexier than socks on a rooster! Why would she have to look at other doods?

Edit: And we’ve only been married 29 years. Shouldn’t this sort of thing happen only after the honeymoon’s over?

3 Likes

I would imagine that this early in, she still has trouble tearing her eyes away from you!

3 Likes