T Nation

The Flame-Free Confession Thread II


I’ll watch the video cause maybe it helps, but I’ve already tried that one (maybe I was just doing it wrong).

Essentially, I feel better while doing it because I’m focusing my thoughts on counting, but then I get even more nervous because after that nothing happens (I read of some people that even fall asleep during the first 8 seconds of exhaling) and I feel as if “it didn’t work.”


If it makes you feel better your not alone… I actually have been diagnosed with a anxiety disorder myself.
I believe @ChickenLittle also has panic attacks also.

Sounds like your on the edge of a panic attach…


What I don’t understand about myself is my thoughts don’t race. My heart goes crazy, it’s hard to breathe and if it lasts too long I get dizzy and develop a headache.


Awwwwe it’s okay. Chin up lil guy, it was just an accident.


There are many other Pranayama (breathwork) that can help. I suffer from the same affliction. I like box breathing, also called tactical breathing, used by the Navy Seals in combat.

Left nostril breathing is also calming.

Bottom line, you are triggered, remembering a time you were unsafe, so reminding yourslef that you are perfectly safe now is a good strategy.


Well close enough. I did try to sleep but after little more than ten minutes I had to get up because I was completely overwhelmed by the emotions I was feeling. I got out in my garden and started to cry out loud. The fact is that I am not sure what I was crying about. I had a river of thoughts and emotions flowing through my mind and identifying the single ones is proving nearly impossible.

I started having memories of random things that would evoke me emotions. I thought about my journey with coach Paul Carter which just ended and couldn’t help but remember some of the mails I had from him during the hardest parts that motivated me. Then I thought about my mum and started to feel guilty about the times we fight and I treat her worse than she deserves. Then I had memories from last winter, songs and moments that I store as the most intense memories, some of which related to an ex girlfriend of mine as well. I also feel very lonely during these moments, although I never feel like that in a normal state.

Also all of this generally happens when I’m trying to sleep. I get fixated on the fact that I need to get at least x number of hours of sleep so I start to get anxious about not being able to fall asleep and all of this happens in conjunction with it. I haven’t slept normally in ages because I have always this stress of trying to get in more sleep but you know, I have to wake up early for school so it makes me even more anxious.

Now I’ve just gone for a walk, it’s 1am and my alarm is set at 6.50am. I’ve never just left my house like this in the night when I was unable to sleep. Right now I’m very calm but just because I postponed the problem. I fear a lot the moment I’ll have to get back to my bed. I wish I could just stay up all night so I don’t have to face the problem but I guess it wouldn’t help the sleep problem.

I don’t know, I am pretty messed up in this regard. I have been seeing a therapist over this and other issues but I feel like I haven’t accomplished much in the way of fixing this yet. Thanks for reading all of this.


Also, avoid phone and computer and tv an hour before bed, try melatonin and ZMA.


Oh, haven’t tried that. Like @The_Myth suggested I have tried melatonin and ZMA (also Biotest Z-12 actually) but they don’t seem to be able to do anything if my state of mind isn’t right.

I can almost feel it when I go bed, if I’ll have problems sleeping or not. When I feel relaxed and in a positive mindset from the get go i usually have no issues. It’s in evenings like this, that I start feeling agitated and sad hours before bedtime that it almost turns into a self fulfilling prophecy.

Besides, I am not too keen on taking meds. For one, I’m only 18, and I also fear getting addicted to them.


I had attacks like this years ago. I was diagnosed with a neurocardiogenic syncope. Uh what? I took beta blockers but it made it worse. It has progressed into the full on panic attacks I have now.
Finally figured out it was my thyroid.


I used to jump on my bicycle and ride like a maniac when I’d get these at night. Once it passed it was very cool and quiet to buzz around in the dark with nothing but the sound of the tires on asphalt. I went through a couple sets of tires though.

The police pulled me over a few times but after a while they got used to it.


I would easily just walk all night. Or even just lay down all night and distract myself with the phone, and I’d be calm and relaxed.

It’s when I say “okay now I shut the lights and try to sleep” that all the issues come back out. I am very tempted to just not even try to sleep tonight. I might end up falling asleep without trying eventually or just remain awake the whole time. But it’s not a long term solution.

Besides, part of my anxiety is now coming from the fact that I am so fixated on sleep being important for gains cause I think about the gym more than I’d like. And now since I’m currently doing a deload week my fucking brain is going like “cmon you should be trying to recover and growth during this week, how are you going to do that without sleeping?” And back up comes the anxiety. I’m trying to convince myself it doesn’t really fucking matter whether you sleep 4, 5, 10 hours or whatever. I just lost my ability to think rationally when it comes to this. Every problem seems as if I were watching through magnifying lens.


Doctor checked my thyroid and everything was fine there. She ran some other blood tests too but they all came back fine. She put me on Zoloft, that put me into a very deep depression. Then she put me on some weird named pill I can’t remember, that didn’t do anything at all. Then she said I needed to see a psychiatrist because she didn’t know what else to do. Psychiatrist where I live has a 3 month wait. I went to counseling for about 6 months. The counselor didn’t do much either. So I’ve been riding it out. Haven’t had issues for a while until recently. It always seems to be worse in the middle to late winter. I’ve been taking 12,000 IU of vitamin D daily. Still have issues with my heart racing. I stopped drinking all caffeine a week ago thinking that may be the issue.


I have tried the no caffeine route and it didn’t seem to make a difference for me. I am still "riding it out " for over 20 years now. Sometimes they just don’t have all the answers.


Yeah. I got crazy with this and would go on those rides for the first couple of years after quitting drinking. I lost my best coping mechanism and hadn’t developed new ones yet.


Confession: I have a flat side on my thumbnail from scraping chaulk off a bathtub because an 80 year old chaulked around her bathtub herself. The good news is… the tub itself will not leak!


How did you fix that?


Practice. A new perspective on life takes a while to develop and new coping strategies take a while to get good at. Concurrently with that was weight lifting and night time bike rides.


@samul do you take stimulants/fat burners or caffeine? Don’t take this the wrong way but the way you type is like how I type after copious amounts of adderral. Even little amount of caffeine can exacerbate anxiety.

There is a ‘take a chill pill’ joke somewhere here but I’d recommend a less conventional strategy. Philosophy, stoicism in particular. You need to condition your brain for detachment from things that don’t really matter. Easier said than done, but you’d be surprised at how training your brain is like training a muscle.


Fighting a duck sized bear or a bear sized duck is the wrong question. It’s a bear sized duck or 10 duck sized bears, gotta give the smaller one the number advantage (and I’ve always heard horse rather than bear. Duck is consistent though)


What about one manbearpig?