T Nation

The DBA Support Thread


Any other DBA's out there in T-land?

Public Service Announcement: DO NOT GIVE FUCKTARDS "DBA" (superuser) permissions in your database. They will fuck up EVERYTHING, then YOU will have to go back an fix it.

And close your goddammed cursors, will ya?

That is all.

Was better to make this thread than to actually kill customers.

Thank you.


nah fucking kill them


Don't forget to not back up anything in years and try to blame you when something goes wrong.


How about "Tune your damn queries" You've got 15 nested queries in your 500 page sql statement that does full table scans on tables that have 15 billion rows (and you wonder why it never returns)


I'm kinda a little bit of a computer geek, I mean I can troubleshoot my network, build my own PC from parts. Fix anyones broken computer, but all this shit you guys are saying is completely foreign to me. Is this like programming shit?



Im a security guy so I get to be the asshole that says you can't do this or that. I never had a issue with DBA's only the shitty programmers.


LOL. The software we write has a lot of role-based security on certain tables. Tables that users (well, the application that they're domain user is logged into) need to be able to see (ie SELECT), but not alter (ie INSERT, UPDATE, DELETE).

I do spatial application DBA (GIS) stuff. A customer of ours has a third-party DBA who granted them (the customer) the ability to assign permissions/roles etc and apparently was experimenting IN PRODUCTION and totally fucked the system...

As a DBA, I'm normally pretty accommodating to people who want to see data or need access to data dictionaries to do work (like program against things), but this was ridiculous!

Database administration is the Bodybuilding of the IT world. You want to build the biggest, strongest, most tuned database you can and have as many people use it (see it) as possible. To do that takes time, constant maintenance, adjustment (performance tuning), and minimizing the fat (extra fields, tables, etc). If you let it go, it gets slow, fat, and sluggish. If you don't give it enough beef, it will can not handle the load. LOL.

Biotest-- you need any DBA work? :wink:


Database admin shit?


Flat files ftw


I'm with V... WAT?

Can you explain with a kettah pic, maybe then I will understand



ahhh, Thank you, much better. I will now got eat triple chocolate, fudge swirl, double diamond chocolate brownie icecream... With chocolate syrup and chocolate sprinkles.


For the record, that is my cat and my book. =D


You have never been as amazingly attractive as you are at this exact moment.


Now you know how I feel when my accountant starts rattling things off!


Pointer arithmetic -- SCHHHWIIINNNG!


Would that have been funnier if I said "... killin' ur RMAN's" ? LOL.


I write all kinds of awesome nested self joins combined with outer self joins combined with all kinds of other greatness. The trick is to make it optimized. Then the weak programmers can't touch the code, because they'll break the key references and it'll run in exponential time.

If you start with a giant shit query, then adding more shit to it makes no difference.


You say that now but you guys hate me when I let you know that by the way, in that csv we give you everyday, field 34,35 and 38 need to be stripped of their high nibble or your values won't make sense. Sorry, ran out of space again! But we're too busy so you're going to have to do the work. :stuck_out_tongue:

That just happened this week. :confused:


Ima need to automate dat sh1t.