T Nation

The Dating Thread

The topic of relationships has come up a lot recently in various threads.

Some of us are young and would like some advice. Sometimes it’s just nice to vent and have friendly internet strangers listen to the drama.

I thought It’d be efficient and nice if I started a thread to consolidate this information

If a thread already exists, pls delete/merge
@tlgains @wanna_be

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This is my question as far as dating is concerned. It’s really all about the initial approach. I do not want to talk to someone who looks like they don’t want to be talked to. I need some body language before I actually decide to do something. That’s because it makes the overall situation easy because you already know shes finds you attractive or somewhat. In that situation if I find her very attractive as well then It’ll just flow.

Is this considered cowardice or is it justified?

Because I am waiting for that. There is no rush and my university is mostly girls anyway.

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Since I started the thread I thought I’d share:
I’ve never been a relationship, but have experienced some “drama” as of late.

I feel like I get what I want from a relationship, except with three different guys.

  • I have a gym buddy who I think actually likes me. He’s ECE, lifts and loves cooking. We’ve hung out a couple of times and had a REALLY good time. He also texts me to say good morning every day
  • I have an Econ maths friend. We help each other with homework and we’ve also hung out and had fun. He has an actual girlfriend. He has a propensity to call at odd hours and make random offers of food though, which is quite disconcerting but I don’t mind
  • then there’s my friend (that one). This friend is the reason I took and passed diff eq. He’s the hardest working person I know, but also extremely personable, like my little bro. He’s Econ maths and stats. I actually like him but can’t quite figure out why he’s so special to me. We are completely incompatible. he doesn’t work out or like food/cooking, which should immediately cross him off the list. He’s also VERY nit picky, nearly as bad as my advisor. Recently, he seems to have come to accept my love of Eastern European though

Rationally speaking, I shouldn’t want a relationship. It’s a distraction and “not what I’m looking for”. At the same time, I feel a strange sense of FOMO since many of my HS classmates and sorority sisters are in relationships.
Bad influence I guess

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I would be careful trying to judge “don’t want to be talked to”

Sometimes it’s pretty obvious (earbuds in working intently) other times, it’s not (just sitting there or waiting in line.

If the signal isnt clear, just going up and saying hi never hurts.

It is not cowardly and it is understandable to not want to speak to a woman who shows no sign of interest. I do not speak to strangers, male or female, who don’t have welcoming facial expressions.

When I was younger few strangers would talk to me because I looked unwelcoming and maybe even appeared troubled. Now they talk to me fairly regularly.

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Dad always reminds me to adjust my body language to not appear “shut off”

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I do not see how those with serious relationships that might result in marriage with children are bad influences. I do see how those who “date” and treat relationships and sex as pastimes are bad influences.

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Thank you so much Brick. In all honesty I should really be doing myself a favor by going to the university church, university fitness center, and some of those university student organizations other than my own. Definitely an opportunity to find approachable women.

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You’re welcome.

“Cold approaching” is the most stressful way to interact t with a woman. The only men I’ve seen do it and be unaffected were womanizing, gregarious, and good looking men who already had plenty of female attention and truly were unaffected by being turned down (I’m not sure how normal that is either).

Nice, caring guys doing that… just no.

If I were a young single guy these days the first place I’d be going for social connections these days would be a place of worship, obviously with religion being the first reason.

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So what’s the problem? This one sounds like a keeper.

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they are not bad influences in that they’re causing me to consider doing something morally objectionable. It’s that the influence is causing me to deviate and get distracted.
It’s my problem for getting distracted though, which shows that I’m more prone to social influence than I’d like to be.

being with him would be a distraction. We don’t have an intellectual relationship (semipermenant co- author or business partner), which is my priority until I finish grad school, post doc and get a job.
Also, he seems to want a “real relationship” in the romantic sense, the kind where we’d go on dates, buy each other gifts and have physical contact. I’m not comfortable with that.

And I’m emotionally quite immature. No romantic relationship is going to work out

@BrickHead the more I think about it, the more I wish my parents believed in arranged marriages.

What an interesting thread :joy: I don’t think I have anything to add but I’ll definitely be reading along!

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My heart breaks for you. There is truly no need to start a dating thread if you are not interested in dating. You don’t want a date, you want a business deal. You need to learn the difference.

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oh, the thread is for the efficient communication of ideas since I’ve seen it come up a lot recently in various logs and threads.
It’s also just an interesting topic (my school psych department has a relationships lab that I want to join next year). I have a hard time understanding it myself so I want to learn as much as possible about it.

My post is just to get things started. It’s not good to start a thread where you expect others to share and not share yourself

I think it’s one of those things that the more you do it the better you get. Every rejection stings a little less, every success builds your confidence a little more.

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If done in a certain way, matchmaking sure cuts down on wasted time, mismatches,confusion, and can possibly avoid disaster.

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So Anna, why don’t you want physical contact? Is there a reason for that?

I trust my parent judgement more than my own when it comes to these matters and I wouldn’t exactly be mad if they set me up with someone to strengthen family business connections

Not sure, just feels icky
If I had to guess, it’s probably because my parents were never physically affectionate towards one another in front of us?

@cyclonengineer @dagill2 @kdjohn
How did you guys meet your wives?

@unreal24278 Your perspective would also be interesting to hear

Do you like that your parents were never affectionate?