I just got back from year-end meetings at my corporate headquarters, which I've noticed has gradually become more "Office Spacey" than the office in "Office Space". I'm starting to lose my shit here, and am looking for people in similar situations to commiserate with.
Please let me know if any or all of the following apply to your workplace...
-The adoption of no fewer than 5 additional acronyms per quarter, all of which are meaningless corporo-babble. Our most recent additions are ETT$ (Energy, Talent, Time, Money), EEE (Engage, Enchant, Enthrall), and IMI (Impulse Meeting Intervention). None of this shit means anything. It really doesn't.
-At least 3+ employees who apply the term "touch base" to every single action they undertake at work. Example: "Hey Pimpbot5000, great to see you back at HQ! I just wanted to touch base with you on the adoption of the EEE acronym, after which I'd like to have an IMI with you and the CFO to touch base on our ETT$ optimization, immediately following which I'm going to touch base with a large subway sandwich during lunch break". Fuck!
-Friday IS "Hawaiian Shirt Day"
-A corporate firewall which bans virtually any google search that doesn't have to do with PDF files, synergy, or optimizing shit. "Accuweather.com" is banned.
-BANNERS! I hadn't been at HQ for 2 months, and as I walk in the door I notice the addition of a giant, 40-foot banner looming over the cubicles of the inside sales staff which reads "Executing Excellence......from A-Z!". This.....literally means nothing. It does not coincide with our corporate ethos in any way, and management made absolutely no reference to it...they just hung it up, hoping it would motivate people somehow. I asked our head inside sales guy, who has been with us for 25 years, if he had the foggiest notion of what it might mean. He didn't. Nobody did.
I know the economy is bad and I'm lucky to have a well-paying career etc etc, but fuck! To any of you corporate guys...does it get any better, or should I quit and embark on the lower-paying but infinitely more fulfilling career path of shoveling horse shit into boxcars? Thanks.