T Nation

The Collective Power of T-Nation: What If?

Many of you already know that my father is dying of cancer. During this time, I’ve also struggled financially and faced many other difficulties. Even though I have done everything I can to reduce my cost of living and put as much money as possible toward my credit card debt and other bills, I can never seem to get ahead. Something always comes up that puts me behind (unexpected bills, car maintenance/repair, etc.).

As I sat in bed unable to sleep (again), an idea crossed my mind. I know that if a friend needed some financial help, I could spare $5. By itself, that’s not much. But when multiplied by hundreds, thousands and tens of thousands of people, it could make a huge impact on someone’s life.

I thought to myself, what if T-Nation members could help me?

Maybe I’ve helped you in some way. Maybe I gave you a good laugh on the forum. Or maybe I’ve helped you with your nutrition and fitness goals. Maybe there is something I can help you with in the future. Would you consider helping me now?

I expected to get my own place months ago. Every time I think I’m close, something happens. I can’t move out until my credit card is paid off. Then I need money for a deposit and first month’s rent. On top of that, I would like to propose to Stacey, but I have no idea how I’ll even find a way to save the money necessary to buy her a ring without going back into debt. I’m also trying to help my dad financially as well. Even with my job, I won’t have much money to save once I pay off my credit card and get an apartment. And I can’t continue living at home due to the stress. Stacey and I would like to get engaged so we could move in together as it would help both of us tremendously.

What if T-Nation members donated $5 through PayPal to help me out? I know this might sound crazy, but it’s sort of like “Pay it Forward.” I’ve done something similar for someone that was displaced by Hurricane Katrina. Even though I was strapped for cash, I was able to PayPal him $5 to help him get back on his feet (he was a friend of a friend). It may not have been much, but he was grateful for the help.

Am I crazy? Or could the collective power of T-Nation members make a huge difference? And when things are better for me, I’d be able to help someone else in the future.

I don’t like to ask for financial help. But this was an idea that popped into my head last night, and I thought to myself that it could really work…

God bless,

Nate

What is your pay-pal info? I wish you the best of luck.

Just a thought…but could you use ring from a parent or grandparent? Just as a temp thing until you could afford one.

Yeah, whats your PayPal account?

Dude everyone has hard times and i dont feel this is the answer.

just my opinion.

I will send you a cheque with the book I’m mailing you.

This is one of the many reasons why you need to find a good church. If anyone in our congregation is going through a hard time financially, we will temporarily support that person through it.

Here is just a thought for you which you can take or leave. Why don’t the two of you just get married now? We didn’t have very much money at all when we got married, but we loved each other and knew we wanted to be married but did not want to live together before marriage. We just had a little ceremony in a park with just some close family members and friends. It cost a couple hundred dollars all together.

Then, later when we could afford it and we went on a honeymoon. For our five year anniversary Josh bought me a nice ring. I am so glad that we never spent thousands of dollars on a wedding. Instead we were able to put that money towards our first house.

PM me for my email address.

Thank you! To anyone that can help. I truly appreciate it. I’ve received many PM’s of support and encouragement during the past year, and I am greatful for that.

I know this may be a far-fetched request. And it took me a while to decide whether I should ask others for help. But since I’ve prayed for a way to get through all of this, and the idea popped into my head out of the blue last night when I couldn’t sleep (and wasn’t even thinking about money/bills at the time), I thought maybe it would be worth a try.

I bust my butt at work, and I’ve even done some things that could get me some extra money through profit-sharing. But unfortunately, we didn’t win the contract, so no extra money for me. And since I’m still new, I can’t ask/expect a raise for quite some time.

Even though I’m making a little more money than my last job, it’s actually less per paycheck because I’m now on a bi-weekly schedule instead of semi-monthly. I’ll get a “free paycheck” come September, but currently, that money would only offset some of my current debt or moving expenses (deposit/part of rent).

And although I sold my car to save on car payments, insurance and gas, those savings were offset by helping my dad with his bills. I was going to apply that extra money to my credit card to get it paid quicker. It’s like a never-ending battle!

Stacey and I would love to live together, but that won’t happen unless we’re engaged. She said we don’t need a ring to get engaged. And she’s even suggested getting a cheap ring for now and replacing it later. Those are valid options, but I don’t feel right doing it like that. I would rather propose to her and have the right ring at the right time. Maybe that’s just my romantic side or perfectionist side showing.

Living together would help both of us, not only financially, but in general. She doesn’t have a car, so I am her transportation unless she takes the bus or can find a friend to get her around. It’s very stressful, and it’s caused arguments at times because it takes up extra time and money (gas) since we go back and forth from her place (with roommate) to my dad’s place and anywhere in between.

She hopes to have a car before the end of the year, but she’s also struggling to get through school, pay her own bills, etc.

Sometimes when I think about all the challenges we face on a daily basis, I don’t even realize how difficult it can be. I know God gives me strength, and I have prayed many times for him to give me some direction in my life. I know that all of this is making me a different person. I’ve changed tremendously in the last few months since I professed my faith in Christ (and asked to be saved) and have gone through these hardships. Stacey has noticed it as well. She knows I’m becoming a better person. I’m less bitter about things in my past. And my enthusiasm and passion affects others in a positive way.

I still fall down (and sin), but I make an effort each day to overcome those things and live according to Christ.

Sorry, I didn’t mean to get all “religious” on some of you.

I’ve been a member of T-Nation for so long, and I’ve met many wonderful people. This has always been a good outlet for me since I have much passion for health and fitness.

I know I can help others as well. Whether it’s some training or nutrition advice, car stuff or something else. I want to be able to give something back to anyone that can help me. I don’t feel good asking for help and not being able to give in return.

Thank you everyone! If I can help you in some way, please let me know.

[quote]supermick wrote:
Dude everyone has hard times and i dont feel this is the answer.

just my opinion.[/quote]

I completely understand. It was truly hard for me to even suggest this. I’m not the only person going through hard times. I’ve heard from so many others who are also going through hard times. It made me feel bad for even thinking that I should say something about my problems.

I’m doing everything possible to get my life in order. And even if I didn’t receive any help, I would eventually get to where I want to be. It would just take longer. I can pay my credit card off and find a place to live by August on my own. But that wouldn’t help with any of the other issues (getting a ring, helping my dad, moving in with Stacey, paying off other debts, etc.).

It’s just so stressful each day. I pray for relief. Most days, I can handle it. But when I go from work (stressful), to home (more stressful) and then have to deal with everything else, it just wears me down.

I have been unable to sleep at my house or at Stacey’s lately. My dad’s house is too hot because he is constantly cold from the weight loss and being so sick. My room is even hotter than the rest of the house. Even with two fans, I can’t sleep at night. Most nights, I stay with Stacey, but there has been issues with her apartment (odd noises that sound like thunder and shake/vibrate through her room), that I can’t sleep there either. I’ve used earplugs only to wake up with my ears in pain (my ears must be too small for the foam plugs).

It’s one thing after another. I try to laugh sometimes because it’s so absurd. But the lack of sleep has affected me at work (I was out sick Monday and part of Tuesday). It’s just crazy.

I just thought that if I was able to help someone else by giving them $5 (like I did during the Hurricanes), maybe by “paying it forward” it could help me too.

But I know where you’re coming from and don’t expect everyone to help me out. And maybe I can help them in some way.

[quote]TheSilentOne wrote:
Just a thought…but could you use ring from a parent or grandparent? Just as a temp thing until you could afford one.

[/quote]

At the moment, no. But I had thought of that.

I’m also considering other options that Stacey suggested.

[quote]JPBear wrote:
I will send you a cheque with the book I’m mailing you.[/quote]

Thank you Jessica! Stacey said the book you are sending me is very good. She would like to read it as well. :slight_smile:

We are searching for a good church. We have found one that we really liked, and we plan on going back. But there are a couple more we want to visit based on recommendations from friends. Then, we will decide on which church to call home. (I think we already know which one it will be).

I don’t like coming in as a new member and asking for help. I really don’t like asking for help on here either. It makes me feel lazy and ashamed. But it was a thought that I had and wanted to ask.

We have discussed this. Stacey is more than up for it. I feel like it’s trying to rush into it without it having some of the “tradition” of proposing and getting married. From my perspective, I would like to get her a nice ring and propose to her and really surprise her. Then, plan the wedding (nothing big) for the following year. And I would hate to go and get married and still not have a place to live together at the moment. We can’t both stay at my dad’s, and we both couldn’t stay at her place (her lease is up at the end of July too).

I don’t know. Maybe I need to rethink things and see if maybe this would be the best way to do it for now. Then, we could always have a small wedding later, and I could get her a nicer ring down the road. It just seems like bad timing with my dad being so ill and not knowing when his last day may be and trying to deal with everything else.

That’s pretty cool. We definitely don’t want a big wedding. And we will do our best to work with friends and contacts we have to get as much as we can for free or reduced. I’d love to buy a house, but on my salary, I can’t afford a decent home around here. It’s really crazy. The housing market has increased so much that it makes it nearly impossible to get approved for a home loan…I’d actually prefer a condo, and even the prices on them has increased tremendously for something half decent in a good area.

I feel for you man. I lost my mom to cancer when I was 18 and no matter what, losing a parent is never, never easy. It sounds like you have a full plate and I wish you the best.

GIVE ME ONE WEEK!

I got a new job, but spent a ton on a week at a hotel (for said job) so that drained me.

I get reembursed on Thursday, and paid on Friday.

I know how hard it is to ask.

I hope I can help, and that many others can start to understand what you’re going through.

I dont want to sound like a morose cynical bastard and you have my sympathies bro.

Its just this approach. It just dont sit with me.

You got plenty of stuff to sell, which to be fair id do before relying on others.

Mick.

Nate, you’re gonna be fine. everything is going to work out for you. Believe that. :slight_smile:

As for weddings, Tim & I got married in our backyard. He had proposed in June, weddnig was planend for October, big and huge, the whole shebang. Well, my parents mvoed out of state in July so we just decided, “Forget the big wedding.” We moved the wedding to August, dropped the caterer, friends brought a meal (like potluck), my grandparents bought the cake. Our guest list went from 350 ppl to 80. And the ones we were closest to are the ones that were there. Sometimes simple is more comfortable for the couple. Do what works for you!!!

~ Carrie :slight_smile:

Nate,

I first read this this morning, and I have been thinking about it all day.

A few of my thoughts…

  1. Financial aid, and charity is NOT the solution here. A change in perspective is.

  2. Your either living in the problem or the solution. From your detailed ramblings about how hard things are, i suggest you are living in the problem, STOP THAT!

  3. A change in perspective and a true reliance on faith will do you much more good than any financial aid.

  4. I dont need to tell you there are people far worse of, and i KNOW you considered that before you posted, BUT THERE ARE PEOPLE FAR WORSE OFF.

  5. You seem to have recently found Jesus. Good for you. However i suggest you find a good spritual mentor and confide the idea(s) that GOD suggests before you act on them or start internet threads… people new to a spirituality and faith will often misinterpret such “thoughts”

  6. Dont be so proud about the ring!! Stacey is willing to do without, i suggest you do as well.

  7. Where does it say we all have to OWN a property? A condo, a house??? Find some cheap co-op rental and build from there.

  8. As you well know, you WILL get through this. Your father may not. We dont always get what WE want, but if you have faith and trust in God, you will ALWAYS be provided for. The only discrepency is your ability to realize it or not. IT IS RARELY HOW WE WOULD LIKE THE HELP TO COME. But it comes.

  9. God is much more interetsted in the growth of your character and attitude than your credit score, going bankrupt etc. Think about this, you may be getting what you need already.

  10. I commend you on your humbleness. Asking for help is not easy, and it suggests growth, again, i just think the growth you will get from this thread will not be what you expected, BUT IT WILL BE WHAT YOU NEED.

Peace,

[quote]supermick wrote:
I dont want to sound like a morose cynical bastard and you have my sympathies bro.

Its just this approach. It just dont sit with me.

You got plenty of stuff to sell, which to be fair id do before relying on others.

Mick.[/quote]

I have sold much of what I can. My car (I took a big loss on that), my stereo equipment, some training-related stuff. I don’t really have much else to sell that I can part with at this time. I need my furniture that is currently in storage. But I have considered selling it as well.

I know what you’re saying. I’m sure people think I’m crazy for suggesting it. I guess my “holistic” approach of seeing what many people can do with very little money ($5) to help someone in a big way is a bit unrealistic these days. But think of the potential.

I’m not looking to get rich. I’m looking at ways to get back on my feet so that I don’t need help from others. I want to be able to help them.

[quote]violatepropriety wrote:

  1. Financial aid, and charity is NOT the solution here. A change in perspective is.[/quote]

You’re right. And I know it may not seem like it, but I have changed my perspective. I am determined to eliminate my debts, get a place to live, and be free of many of these problems while also being able to help my dad. I’ve been doing this since last February. There have been many setbacks along the way, but I am working on it.

I’ve been educating myself about money, investing, eliminating debt, starting a business, etc.

You are right. I didn’t realize this until just a couple months ago. I am tring to find solutions. This was one idea I had as part of the solution. Something that could give me a little help to get me where I need to be.

I definitely agree.

I know. That is why I was reluctant to even suggest this. Maybe a lack of sleep wasn’t such a good thing when this idea popped into my head.

Very true. I do need to do this.

I know. It’s just hard for me to do it that way. I pictured things differently. :frowning:

I don’t even want to own a property. I just want to rent an apartment. I can’t afford to own something if I wanted. I have found an affordable place, I just can’t seem to get to the point where I can actually pay the deposit, move in, and not be strapped for cash. Not yet. Not until some other bills are paid off.

Thank you. I appreciate that reminder. You are right on.

Very true.

You’re right again. I don’t like that. :wink:

Thanks!

Nate

[quote]Nate Dogg wrote:
I can’t afford to own something if I wanted. I have found an affordable place, I just can’t seem to get to the point where I can actually pay the deposit, move in, and not be strapped for cash. Not yet. Not until some other bills are paid off.

[/quote]

Hey, I understand this point exactly. It feels like the bills never end even though you’re not running up anymore credit and you keep looking at the balance but it doesn’t seem to go down fast enough.

I just wanted to let you know that when one or two bills get eliminated, it makes the others go away quick!

This is just happening for my wife and I.
We’re still stuck in the upstairs of my parents (was only supposed to be a year, ended up 1.5 yrs), but since a couple things got paid off we were able to put almost all of what we were spending on those monthly payments into the other ones. I say “almost” because after all of that time/money you spent on knocking down a couple bills you should keep a small portion of what you’re saving for yourself to help take the edge off a little.

Even after a year of living for only $50 a month, we were still going negative in our bank accounts and paying for food with checks a few days before we had any money to support them.

Now we’re going to rent until we get some credit issues taken care of.

I still want to give a nice, medium sized, regular church wedding to my wife but we both understand that we won’t get that for a while and we’re perfectly happy with our $35 eloping 4 years ago. In her culture the man and/or the man’s family pays for everything and I can’t get her family convinced that the woman’s family is supposed to spring for the wedding. :wink:

Anyway, my point is that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it just may take longer than planned to get to it. Once you get close though, it comes much quicker.

I’m sure things will work out for you.

And for anyone who thinks money won’t solve any problems, then you probably haven’t had any serious money problems.

Money could solve all of my problems (if given enough of it) and I would have everything I could ever want in life since I already have the perfect wife (for me) and an incredible daughter.

I’m sure Nate’s not going to do anything foolish with the money, and I’m sure that a nice chunk of change would get him on his feet with a lot less to worry about much, much quicker than if he were to do everything else right financially without the help.

Sometimes we all need a little help, and it truly takes a man to step up and ask for it when he needs it.

Sorry for rambling…

I’m so proud of you, my baby! I love you! You just do what God calls you to do… If this thread is it, so be it! I’m here for you always!

<3 Stace

[quote]SWR-1222D wrote:
I’m sure Nate’s not going to do anything foolish with the money, and I’m sure that a nice chunk of change would get him on his feet with a lot less to worry about much, much quicker than if he were to do everything else right financially without the help.

Sometimes we all need a little help, and it truly takes a man to step up and ask for it when he needs it.

Sorry for rambling…[/quote]

I think it was a great ramble, man. Nicely put.

I keep wishing I’d win Publisher’s Clearinghouse, but they haven’t come a-knockin’ yet! lol!

And your statement about ppl who say money won’t solve problems haven’t had any REAL financial burdens - spot on. Money would really take some stress off, that’s for sure! We were in a wreck a year and a half ago and are still waiting on our settlement. That would be a very helpful amount, I tell you. My kids each need $4000. worth of dental work and I need $5000. We’re self-employed so are not insured and last I checked, money didn’t grow on trees.

Yeah, money DOES solve problems. It may not be the end-al be-all and buy me happiness, but it would buy my kids and I new mouths and it would buy my husband fewer panic atatcks over making ends meet!

Nate, I hope you get all you need very quickly. Heck, I hope we ALL do! lol!