The Case of the EX

First, you already acknowledge you’re the exception to the rule, so I’ll just take this from where I’ve been and what I’ve seen. Many times when a relationship ends, there are feelings – good feelings, bad feelings, all mixed together. Most of the times I’ve seen someone’s ex trying to get together with the original partner’s friend, there are revenge motivations, especially depending on who broke up with whom. This becomes an ever greater factor the longer the original relationship lasted. If the ex- is truly a ‘friend’ (which is rare, but possible) then a relationship with the original partner’s friend is possible…but things don’t always work out with that. I would suspect that in the original case, the odds of a revenge fuck might be significant…the ex wants to mark their territory and establish dominance by fucking the friend…it can be a deliberate slap in the face. As for the friend, if the original partner has emotional issues, anger or otherwise, towards the ex-, if the friend were sensitive about the original partner’s feelings, he or she wouldn’t start a relationship with the ex- unless issues were thoroughly worked out between all three parties. An ex- (especially one with which you had an important relationship which may have ended badly) going for your BEST friend is a great way to create a triad of rivalry and enemies. Unless all three parties are cool with each other, and psychlogicaly ‘free’ of prior emotional attachments, this sort of triangle is just…well…bad karma!

Hey karma,

you are not alone in your thinking. When I was 20 or so I thought/felt the “possessive” way of thinxing. As I experienced new things and realized that we are all ultimately connected and are here for our own purpose, I learned to care for myself and let everyone else live their own life.

During the past 5-6 years my girlfriends have been amazed that it doesn’t bother me what they or whom they fuck (with or without me around).

So I definitely can understand the “possessive” crowd and sentiment since I was there, but I can’t explain it in general. In my personal case, and I only speak for myself, it was the result of seeing the world through the eyes of scarcity. What I mean is that I felt that there was not enough to go around. (enough of what you ask. Well sex, money, love, fun, food…etc. you name it)

So when I looked at the world through those “rose” colored glasses, it tainted my response to the shit that was happening in my world.

Hope that gives you an insight into how and why one person would be “possessive” or claim ownership of someone else.

HH

Yup, revenge fucking or grudge fucking certainly is a possibility. I guess I read the original post in a neutral manner instead of in the light of the revenge/grudge motive. If an ex was doing it for that reason then I’d have to say “Just Try It” to them. If my friend goes for the revenge fuck then they are not really a friend afterall - well, unless they understand it’s a revenge fuck and turn it around on the ex. But if the ex genuinely got along well with my friend (which I’d already know) and there were mutual interests and such - more power to both of them.