T Nation

The Bodybuilders Prayer - Atomic Dog

All I can say is Amen! That was very well written. And I have to agree
with TC on commandment #10…coveting thy neighbor’s wife isn’t such
a bad thing. Is it? Or how about covet thy neighbor’s daughter? I too
would like the everflowing jug of protein. And as for all those “mere
mortals around me with paunchy guts, cellulitic thighs, atrophied arms,
disproportionate limbs in general” they will never understand why we do
what we do. That sets us apart from the rest of the lazy, fat, worthless
members of society. Amen TC.

Nate Dogg my son,I’ve seen your neighbors wife and daughter,so I can’t blame you cuz deyz some fine ladies.The jug of everflowing protein is a pet project of mine and since I’m consulting with John M Berardi and Albert Einstein it should be available through Biotest soon.TC,you have kept the weightlifting flock on the straight and narrow,even in the dark times,so for that you will be named Patron Saint of the Barbell.Bill Phillips,I punish you to a lifetime of untreatable hypogonadism and bitch tits for being such a poser.Now I must go,I’m in between sets of black hole sprints,and don’t forget,Oprah,soy,smith machines and all that stems from them are the root of all evil.I Bless You!

Thanks God, and do you think that maybe you could make me a little taller and a little bigger next time I wake up in the morning? Love, your friend Nate Dogg.

Nate Doggy Dogg, keepin’ it real, baby! Wassup! You bust me up, my man. Yes, another dandy by TC, that dirty Atomic Dog. God, it sounds like You’re on our side…I don’t want to make too many requests, but you know what I need and want. Help this T-Dude get Massive!

What’s up Timbo my man? You hanging loose? Having fun? Hooking up with the ladies? Keep it real kid. And while God is making us bigger, why doesn’t he hook me up with one of those hot-ass fitness chicks. Yes, make her my sex slave. I’m down.

Here I am Nate. Bring the lotion, baby…Later on Sweety. Bow wow wow.

Nate Dogg…looks like your prayers have been answered, my man. Now why don’t you go ask Rosie where her Five Sisters are because this T-Dude’s getting impatient! Keep it real, brutha man. Hey, you back in the iron game this week, right? You best hit it hard like you know you can, bro!

Rosie Palm and her five sisters have been good to me. In fact, they’ve paid me a visit every day! hehehe.

Timbo my man, you know it! I’ll be back in the gym today to begin the second half of my12-week program. And I’ll be hitting it hard my man! Don’t you worry about that! It’s time to kick it up a knotch and add more weight and lower those reps. :wink:

Well since we have an open line to the big guy, I would like tell him that I really appreciate being 6’5" however, would like to know why he gave me so many muscle fibers in my calves and so few in my arms. I have calves almost 2 inches bigger than my arms…and I rarely work my calves except for martial arts!! Come on God, not asking for more size…I will get that on my own, but just some redistribution!! Come on big guy!! By the way, a fountain with continually flowing andro/nandro blend would be great as well…I could just run thru it au natural each day…the neighbors might complain…or at least their husbands might!!! LOL!

Oh and big guy…by the way, that guy in my gym who is flabby and pale…and wears string tops and baggy pants…the guy without a single muscle on his body…if you could…just one little lightning bolt…just one…please? because all his grunting and groaning while benching 135 is bugging the heck out of me, and when he struts by trying to hold himself flexed…it makes my protein shake want to come back up…please…just one itsy bitsy teeny weeny lightning bolt…

Thanks, GOD, for nominating me as patron saint of barbells. The thought of future generations having a magnetized miniature of me on their dashboards fills my eyes up with tears.

And thanks, Nate Dogg. Glad you liked the article. I have, however, gotten my share of hate mail because people thought I was dissing God. The truth is, as any of the enlightened can see, was that I was making fun of the self-obsessed bodybuilder.

Oh well, the way I figure it, you just have to keep on throwing them out there and for every populist "Sound of Music" article we do, we gotta' run a "Pulp Fiction" to balance it out.

TC, what can you do? There is always going to be an unhappy reader. It doesn’t matter what you write about, someone won’t agree and will jump down your throat. Especially when it comes to religion. Do people realize that religion causes wars? Hey, I grew up a strict Catholic, so don’t go jumping down my throat. But after taking a step back and looking at the “big picture” I realized that things get taken too far. I’ll stop with the religious stuff there, as I don’t want to spark any religious debate. To each his own.

I understand that it was meant for bodybuilders and not an attack on God or religion. And I'm sure many other T-maggers feel the same way. So chill out people! Good grief. Enjoy it for what it is. Besides, there is nothing wrong with me coveting thy neighbor's wife. DAYUM!