T Nation

The biggest mistake of my life!


#1

To make a long story short, when I was 18 years old I impregnated a girl who I went to high school with. At that time in my life I was a real moron, I was afraid and didn?t know what to do. I stayed away and was never part of the baby?s life. I have always supported her financially but I have never seen her in person. Now at 26 I realize what a huge mistake it was and regret not being there for her deeply. However, I will not make excuses for myself, it was just flat out stupidity.

It has been 8 long years and I have decided to change all that. I realized that I made a huge mistake by not being there for her so I got in contact with the mother and we have talked and discussed the task ahead. She has been very cooperative and civil despite probably hating my guts.

I am meeting my daughter Victoria tomorrow for the first time. I know I have a long and tough road ahead of me but I am willing to do everything I can to try and make this right and to be the best father to her that I can be. Yes it has been 8 years but I figure it is better late than never. Patience will be the key in this situation. But I am confident that in a short period of time things between her and I will be great.

Her mother gave me some pictures of her and she is beautiful, she looks a lot like me. I am glad that this day is finally here, I am very proud to be her father despite not knowing her.

Wish me luck. any advice would be greatly appreciated.


#2

It's great you're finally doing the right thing. The best piece of advice I can give you is always support her mother. The easiest thing would be for you to stride in and be the cool dad, while her mom is stuck laying down the law. Don't buttfuck her mom by undermining her on discipline issues. Good luck.


#3

p-dog, can't say i've been in your position. i'm in my 20s, and i've never met my dad. i think its great you're making an effort to see your duaghter, and i'm sure she'll appreciate it, down the road if not now. good luck. peace, benzo.


#4

Go slowly. Right now you are a stranger, and will be harder to accept. Show the man you have become, and be prepared to "take your medicine." This time won't be easy, but it is worth it.

I get the impression that this woman has not been married, or has a boyfriend right now. But if there is another man helping raise this girl, expect him to be walking her down the isle when she gets married.

Work to earn the respect of both the mother and the child. But don't expect anything in return. You have 8 years to make up for after all.


#5

Doogie has good advice. Take her exactly how she is. Dontshouldher in any way. Let things be. The pill will pass far better this way. Some things cant be forced. Kudos for ballsing up. More people in the same situation should do it.


#6

I agree, don't undermine mom on discipline. Make damn sure you follow along with her desires.

Also, does this gal have a live in father? By the sounds of it I'm guessing no, just wanted to make sure. If she did, that would change even more of what you should/could do.

It's rarely ever too late to become involved, just don't force the issue and don't expect her to treat you like a parent yet.

Takes some guts to suck it up and realize you slacked off for too many years.


#7

Never to late to do the right thing! Way to go Bro I wish you the best with building a relationship with your Daughter. Being a father is the MOST important thing I did in my life.


#8

So have you been paying child support all this time, and if not, are you going to pay it now?

Just curious.


#9

Man, I wrote a good response for this, and it didn't even show up. I'm upset now.

Anyways, have a good time with your daughter, and respect the mother.


#10

I think it's terrific that you want to get to know your daughter. You're doing the right thing. She's young enough for you to still play a big role in her development. Sure, you've missed part of her childhood, but there's a hell of a lot more for you to experience together. Be there for her, bro. Your time is the best thing you can give her. Best of luck.


#11

Good luck.


#12

ok guys thanks for all the great words and advice.

yes she does have a live in father. the mother married a man and they have been together since she was about two. obviously this makes things a lot harder but oh well i have to do what i have to do.

well, it is 942am im off to go meet her at 10. i am very excited and nervous. i hope it goes well.


#13

Gutsy call and a good one.

I hope things work out, it will be difficult and awkward with Victoria and her mother for a while, don't rush it and be patient. As someone already said it's never too late to make contact.

Do they live in the same city? That makes a difference.

Nephorm,
[quote]I have always supported her financially but I have never seen her in person.[/b]


#14

well i just got home from meeting her, it was great. she was very shy and quiet at first but then we went and played in the park and she really loosened up. i was very, very nervous and really didnt know what to say at first. but i sacked up and explained to her the best i could why i wasnt there for the last 8 years but i promised her that i would never ever leave her again.

she does live in the same city as me so that makes things waaaaaaay easier. this way i can swing by and see her whenever i want to rather than having to take her away from her mom for a prolonged period of time.

i am going to see her every wednesday (with the mother present) until she gets comfortable with me and then i can take her on my own. we are supposed to hang out, play, and work on homework, during these meetings.

i am also gonna start calling her every day to see how school was and how her day went.

i am releived now that i got this first meeting out of the way. it will be an uphill battle but i am confident that we will have a great relationship in no time.


#15

Glad it went well!!

I'm excited to have kids, but in a few years.


#16

Congratulations.


#17

Thats awesome but you forgot the MOST important part...

How much can she Power clean? lol.

She sounds like a very sweet girl. GOod luck!!! Hope everything works out the best for you two. Also, remember a toy always goes a long way with an 8 yr old. Im not saying buy her with toys and spoil her, but thinking back to when I was a kid, there was no better ice breaker with someone I didnt know than when I got a new toy and was so excited about it that I just had to show it to everybody (I know, kids, pffft)

Keep us updated!


#18

diesel23,

oh dont worry i didnt forget. i think our first time spent alone will be in the gym. im thinking future fitness competitor. j/k

oh and i did bring her a couple of toys and she did like them.


#19

I was so happy to hear that all went well for you and your daughter today.

I wish you the best in your future with her!!

Doing what is right regardless of how difficult is what sets you apart from the "boys".

Congratulations and Good Luck. Keep us posted!

Alicia


#20

I win the 'Illiterate Ass of the Year' award. Good luck with your little girl.