A collection of related Gymus Primpus, which have been separated due to their specific behaviour and/or displays.
Gymus Primpus Extremis:
The first Gymus Primpus spotted was also the loudest in many ways, and showiest of the group. Often spotted in the locker room preparing for the workout, primpus extremis can occasionally be spotted in the same locker room upon returning from one?s own workout an hour later, still tweaking and twiddling his or her gym attire. Always nattily attired, Extremis prides itself on the color coordination of the uniform, from the jolly rancher colored tops, to the immaculate sneakers and, perchance, to either the freshly bleached and shiny wrap about the head, the oh so carefully askew designer cap, or the hair teased piece by piece into an immovable sculpture. Workouts are, of course, designed not to maximize growth, but to maximize preservation of the clothing, and the appearance of exercise. Primpus Extremis will never soil its uniform with such mundane things as sweat or the old rust from a bar. What differentiates Extremis from wifebeateruss (cf) is that Extremis? designer sleeveless jersey will cost more than Wifebeateruss?s entire wardrobe and be made of a fabric that will repel not only dirt, but ugly people.
Gymus Primpus Minimalis:
Minimalis refers not to the extent of the preparation, but, rather, the extent of the clothing. There are no shorts that are too short, no tops that are too small, and no spandex too tight for minimalis. All three together are fantastic, especially if worn without anything underneath. Minimalis is without modesty, strutting its stuff about the gym, from one crotch exposing, shirt popping, nipple straining, penis defining exercise to another. Orgasmic like sounds will be emitted, and more sweat is left by the viewers than by Minimalis. If Primpus Minimalis also happens to be a Hawtus Assus (cf), damage will ensue in any surrounding area. Unfortunately, Minimalis is often a victim of Mirrorus Deceivius, and the clothing is but overstretched material struggling to contain a mass of bulbous flesh now squeezed into odd shapes, like a bad magician twisting balloons. Especially prevalent in any aerobic class involving lots of bouncing and/or stretching. Avoid.
Gymus Primpus Narcissus
A common feature of most fitness centres, Primpus Narcissus is a specialist in cable exercises, concentration curls, and lateral raises, all done with the intense concentration of a lifter working on the mind/mirror connection. But, as the appetizer is preparation for the meal, the exercise is the preparation for the posing, as Primpus Narcissus stands as close as possible to a mirror and flexes, tenses, pokes, prods, strokes, and squeezes in a masturbatory display of peacock preening. The dialogue is sometimes inner, but the call has been recorded and is inevitably a variation of - “Oh yeah, that?s good and tight. You?re lookin? good. You is hot. Let me touch. Oh, not yet. You tease. But you?re worth the wait, you taut and tawny panther. Purrrr?.Oh yes. Look at everyone looking. That?s right. I can feel your eyes and your jealousy. Look at these pecs and shoulders. What? The pants, and the hunched in chest and curved upper back? Humph. It?s leg day and back day ? someday? if only they would move the extension machine closer to the mirror so I could check my form.”
Gymus Primpus Imaginus
Perhaps the saddest, of the bunch, but a compendium of many, Imaginus believes him or herself to be the equal of every competitive bodybuilder on the planet past or present, and has the clothes to prove it. From the1980?s clown pants, boots or Otomix, string tee with the gym sayings, to the ever present musk pouch (or gym rat sporran), Imaginus is straight from the pages of some muscle mag. Imaginus, like some Primpus Minimalis, is blessed with the ability to create size where none exists, and, upon comparison with any subject who demonstrates a noticeably superior physique, that person is always ?roided up.
