Well, it’s cheat day here at pooh’s house. While stuffing my whole with Captain Crunch this morning, an interesting question popped in my head: what’s the most calories I’ve ever eaten in one sitting? I mean, in a matter of minutes. Not a holiday.
For me, well, that’s easy: The summer of 01’. I was ripped. It was the last night of our annual Myrtle Beach vacation. We were cruising the southern strip when, all of a sudden, that heavenly glow of the Krispy Kreme “Hot Doughnuts Now” light penetrated my dark, deprived dieter’s cerebral cortex. I yell to my father, “Pull this vehicle over at once old man!” He complies. I walk in and yell at the traditional 300 pd overweight KK employee “Cease and Assist Tank A$$!” She complies. Within 7-10 minutes pooh had consumed 16, yes, that’s right, 16 pipe’in hot KK glazed doughnuts, 2 of which were the orgasmic lemon-filled.
All told, at 210 cals each and the filled weighing in at about 350 a piece, I consumed about 3500 calories in a matter of seconds, including milk.
Within an hour, seratonin was spewing out of all of my bodily orifices, similar to a Mt. Fuji eruption.
Elvis? He ain’t got nuttin’ on da’ poohbaya!