T Nation

Thanks To All The Women Who...


#1

[Alert: if you don't want to learn yet another site on which to waste another hour or ten at work, don't read any further]

I just discovered Best of Craigslist on craigslist.org.

It is a great read, especially the ones taken from the personals-there are a lot of freaks out there to laugh at.

... but there are also some personal rants which are pretty interesting, covering all kinds of subjects. Some of them are serious, some not.

Here's a good one I found from the personals. Not about freaks, though. You'll have to look for those yourself.
Enjoy.

I just want to say "thank you" to the women of craigslist who select themselves out. I realized that I was taking the easy route, that I was taking for granted these women that I am not interested in, but who make it clear in their posts. But, to be honest, I should thank them, for posting ads that make it clear that I would be wasting their time and mine by replying. So I want to say thank you. Thank you to the women of craigslist who:

Use the phase "work hard, play hard", (or the oh-so-much-better "work hard, play harder") "partner in crime" or "just as comfortable in jeans as in an evening dress". If that's the best, most creative you can manage when you have all the time in the world, I hate to think what you would be like in an actual conversation. And I don't intend to find out. Thank you, you have saved both of us the bother.

Give no information about themselves. Hey, I understand that you have a twenty-item laundry list of things that you are looking for in a man and I'm not going to fault you overmuch for that. However, if you post a list like that, but the only facts you give about yourself are your gender, height, weight and hair colour, you're not dealing fair and, more importantly, you've done very little to pique my interest. 70% of the women out there, easily, say they want a smart guy, and some of them actually give me a reason to believe them. Thank you, you have saved both of us the bother.

Talk about marriage. Or having kids. You're interested in that in the near future. I'm not. People want different things and you have been honest and forthright with what you want. I appreciate that. Thank you, you have saved both of us the bother.

Consider putting "GO CUBBIES!!!!!" in their ad to be a major draw. It is for many guys. Not so for me. Thank you, you have saved both of us the bother.

Title their posts "Looking for a NICE guy", "Looking for a normal guy", "Looking for a NICE, NORMAL guy", "Is chivalry dead?", or "where are are all the nice, normal guys?". These titles are not only so overused they've become trite and devoid of any meaning, (other than to indicate your lack of originality) but they generally indicate that you're bland, confused, or both. Thank you, you have saved both of us the bother.

Use the term "BBW". Not because you're fat, but because that is such an awful term. Being fat doesn't necessarily mean you're ugly. But being okay with your weight doesn't necessarily mean you're not ugly. Using that godawful term tells me that you are not, in fact, okay with your weight. Not deep down. And that's a shame. You should either fix it or accept it. But don't use a demeaning term like that. It's false pride to cover up an insecurity far bigger than your waistline could ever be. And that's not what I'm looking for. Thank you, you have saved both of us the bother.

Are looking for sugar daddies. Let me be the one billionth person here to say it: you are prostitutes. The funny thing is that, ethically, I have nothing against prostitution. However, in the extremely unlikely event that I ever slept with a prostitute, it would be with one who is honest about what she is. Hell, in the long run, she'd probably be cheaper, better in bed, and easier to deal with. To blatantly steal (and mangle) from Casablanca "I don't mind a prostitute. I object to one who puts on airs." I wish you'd be more honest about yourself, but.... Thank you, you have saved both of us the bother.

Who actually use "princess" to describe themselves. Unless your father is actually the ruling king of a U.N. recognized coutry, you have lost my interest. I understand that some men like a woman who is needy, high-maintenance, spoiled, self-centered and demanding. I'm just not one of those guys. Thank you, you have saved both of us the bother.

So, to all of the women who fall into the above categories: Thank you. I have no interest in you (as 95+% of you would have no interest in me) and you let me know right in your very first post. I appreciate that.


#2

Why are you posting this here and not on Craig's List?


#3

HAHAHAHA!!! Justified at last! :wink:


#4

I'm sure a bunch of us can relate to this one-

dear fat girl on the plane to charlotte: you owe me $35
Reply to: anon-123004852@craigslist.org
Date: Thu Jan 05 19:13:11 2006

you were so, so nice. i'm not taking that away from you. you asked me about my book and where i was going, and i replied though i am ashamed to say i could not look you in the eye because i was so CRAZY PISSED.

a typical plane seat in economy class is approximately 17 inches. breaking down my 9.2-hour roundtrip journey, i paid approximately $127 for those 17 inches. by my most modest calculations, you owe me $27.70 for the four inches of comfort and privacy you robbed me of. let's round that figure up to $30 for that spot where your massive thigh was rubbing against me the whole 2.5-hour flight. add another $5 (again modest) for our shared armrest having to be up because you could not fit in the seat when it was down. if i wanted to put my seat back, i had to pretend like it wasn't embarrassing for you (yes, i was concerned about your feelings, too) for me to ask you to lean forward so i could pull out the armrest a little and push in my button. good thing i didn't want to see the in-flight movie.

i by no means hate fat people. i believe in the freedom to do or eat anything you want so long as it does not infringe on my freedom. this is purely a matter of financial injustice.

i'm just saying that if you need two seats, pay for two seats. don't hate on the skinny girl who paid just as much, if not more, for those precious 17 inches of limited plane space.

if you're out there, please mail $34.63 before january 8 or $34.61 after (i'll pay for the stamp--it's only fair).


#5

I didn't write this. Its a post that I copied FROM craigslist and POSTED here.


#6

Unfortunately, the personality I associate with the guy who wrote that, as appropriate as a few of his observations are, is that of the serial killer from "Seven."


#7

Hey BB, since you're a cool guy I went back and copied a story that talks of the very same subject matter as your avatar.

" Ok, now I know here in Santa Cruz, people are pretty laid back. Mostly. That?s fine.

I also know that, for the most part, people are accepting of all manner of things, the weirder the better. Like the pink dude who walks around downtown with a pink umbrella and pink lace tutu practically every day. Good for him.

You, stinky hippy dude, while I don?t mind that you smell of sandalwood (sometimes) and pot (most of the time), I do mind that you smelled, this Wednesday, like a porta potty left out in the sun for a month. Guarded by a wet dog.

Why?

I understand that you don?t buy clothes because it?s ?supporting the captatalistic (sp) system of exploitation and mind-mind manipulation,? fine fine.

I also understand that you don?t use regular soap because it?s ?cruelty to the environment and it pollutes the rain forests, dude? (explain how my soap gets directly into the rainforests, please).

I further understand that you?ve the need to be ?closer to Mother Earth? by refusing to wear shoes (why why why why why why WHY did you cross your legs in the chair next to me, during a 3 hour lecture, hippy dude? With your feet sticking out, dirty-soles towards those seated left and right of you... WHY? I didn?t need to see your toes encrusted with all manner of ?Mother Earth?s blessings?. I didn?t need to see the calluses on your feet, so thick that there was dirt caught in the crags...).

You?re a vegan. That?s fine (I won?t even point out that the only reason our brains are the size that they are is that our ancestors went over to a carcass and muttered to themselves in pre-language ?mmm... looks good?. Animal meat = high source of fatty energy. High source of fatty energy + fire = more food for brain development. More food for brain development = animals that can do calculus) (not this animal, however) (ook).

You?re gentle on the environment.

Good good.

But, please. You?re not gentle on the rest of us bi-pedal mammals... not on our eyes, not on our ears (you?re tone deaf, you do know that right?) and most importantly of all... not on our noses. Respect this bi-pedal critter... Take a bath. Or hell, it?s been raining lately, go stand out in it, with your feet in a puddle, and splash around a bit. Get naked and embrace the showers of Mother Sky. Spray yourself with some sandalwood oil and try, at least, to pick the bits of leaf debris and dead bugs (I saw one, he didn?t look too happy) out of your dreadlocks (dreads on a white dude. Need I comment?)

So hippy dude, while it?s cool that you?re full of fire and passion about everything on this great oasis in a seemingly endless sea of oblivion...

Pay attention to the little bits of it. Like your toes. And your beard (well I suppose it?s a beard, it could be a dead hamster that got stuck to your chin).

Go swim in a lake, I?m sure all the bits that would float off of you would like to be re-united with Mother Earth. They miss their home.

Oh, and brush your teeth. That twig thing you chew on all the time looks disgusting. Stop sticking it behind your ear.

The shiny bits haunt my brain.. "


#8

Bwahahahaha!!! OMG, thats the most hysterical thing I've read in a long time!!!!!!!!


#9

The sad this is how true this is! IF you have ever been to down town Santa Cruz you can understand what I mean!


#10

OMG, that's funny! Lot's of em here in Hawaii too....i think it's the temperate all year climates that attract them.


#11

or Ann Arbor, Michigan for that matter...

there was this guy in our dorm who we used to call the 'chinstrap' possibly the nastiest mofo I have ever seen - nastier than some crusty ass homeless dudes I've seen in my time.


#12

Sonny, that is classic!