T Nation

Thank You, England!!!

To the English,
Thank you friends for your support in our time of need. We continue to be most appreciative of your friendship. We are aware of what a difficult time this has been for you. We know that you are making the transition to the European Union. We are aware of how difficult that transition has been. We realize that you have always had an internal debate on whether you were more continental or an independent entity. We know that by joining our collation, you took some heat from some countries on the continent. We are aware that a group of french miscreants defiled your war graves. We asked you to change your strategic and tactical thinking. You responded by helping us lead the diplomatic, political, and military effort to excise a growing cancer before it engulfed our world in unimaginable violence. You remembered the 1930’s when nations appeased a brutual dictator. You remembered the resulting world wide conflagration. You realized the danger to all of us of having a dictator who openly supported terrorism ($36,000 to the families of palestinian suicide bombers) disseminating weapons to broad groups of terrorists. You are our most stalwart and loyal allies. For helping us remove this threat, and for standing by us, we thank you. We will not forget your friendship. We will be there when you need us.
In subsequent threads, I will thank the friendship of other nations such as Poland, Australia, Portugal, and Spain.
P.S. I do not want the anti-Americans (restless, z-man, and some of the jealous Canadians) to hijack this thread. This is a sincere thank you, not an invitation for another flame war.

Bush and Blair

Less than half of the british population supports your war. In Portugal and Spain it’s the same.

ehehehe… Surprise!! I hijacked your stupid thread.

$36000 to families of Palestinian suicide bombers? I’ve never heard of that, but lets pretend it’s true. What about Clinton sending helicopters to Isreal so they could be used to attack urban concentrations in Palestine? I sort of think THAT’S supporting terror.

I think I’ve already told everybody what the USA & GBR think of democracy. They threatened retaliation against the countries whose leaders listened to the people of their country who protested against taking part in the aggression. The “good guys” were the ones who ignored their people. What does that say about the USA’s attitude towards democracy?

I noticed the Hitler reference in USA=GG post. Hotler was probably the most popular leaer Germany has ever had, & it’s because he picked on the weakest enemies. As long as he went quickly from triumph to triumph he’d be the most popular leader ever. He also claimed that Poland was an immediate threat & had to be taken out, but now I’m just rambling. Nobody would think that sounds familiar.

Absolutely. A thank-you-very-much, goes to the british, the portuguese, the Spanish, the Polish, and the Australians.

We all know the extreme heat the leaders of their countries took.

Portugal’s prime minister, responsible for authorizing use of the Azores Air Base as a staging theatre for Airlift Operations bound to the Middle East, took EXTREME heat from his own government and the public. After hearing a few broadcasts of the Portuguese Parliament, youd think his fellow politicians wanted to kill him with their own bare hands.

All others endured the same tension on their careers.Was it hard? Yes, but history will prove itself right. 100 years from now, we know these leaders will be printed in history books, not as the bad irresponsible guys they were portrayed as, but as individuals of far-reaching vision and of great consciense. They’ll be remembered as individuals who had the presence of mind to enforce what will, in the future, be seen as the norm: wherever terrorism may rise or threats to humanity or any country rises, it will be destroyed pronto. I think this was just the very beggining.

For those who havent thought about it, remember that next time the UN will think twice before cowering in the face of a humanity crisis, and a world-wide threat. It also taught current and future threats to world peace what their destiny will be if they dont change.

Look at Iran. For once they’re capturing AlQaeda operatives in their country and handing them to us proudly as if to show they are not going to allow terrorism either. No one now wants to be a threat or harbor a threat, because they know what might happen if they do. Is this bad? Is eliminating terrorism ever bad? Sometimes an individual understands the severe situation that results from an imminent danger to someone else, and responds accordingly. These are the UK, Australia and so forth. Sometimes, individuals refuse to cooperate because its not their problem. They’re selfish and dont care about the safety concerns others have. These need to be taught and corrected. These are the type of individuals who are motivated to do the right thing best by fear of repercussion. Much the same way a parent sometimes must teach their kid a harsh lesson so he will learn to make his bed first thing in the morning.

Sorry for going on such a tangent.

Restless, before the war the public opinion over here was about 50/50, during the war it was more like 70/30 in favour of the war, but now it is over and the WMD haven’t been found people are asking what the fuck was that all about? Personally i think we should have got the bastards in '91. As for the French you Americans are more than welcome to help us invade France like we did in the middle ages.

I don’t know Murphy, invading France might be tough. I think the last great seige of Paris lasted almost 30 minutes. Incidentally, I understand the French armed forces are having trouble maintaining their high standards and are offering enlistment incentives to any new recruits who bring their own white flags.

Restless, I try to stay out of the political threads, because it’s fruitless exercise in a no-win situation when one tries to impose his heartfelt beliefs on another who has his own diametrically opposed, yet just as heartfelt beliefs.

I say this out of personal experience.

However, I still tend to peruse the threads out of morbid curiosity.

Based on these perusings, I find myself compelled to make a casual, yet well researched (albeit unsolicited) observation:

Though well spoken, bright, and firm in your convictions, I can’t help but notice that:

You are one big ball of unadulterated, first class…

Hate.

no offense

Murphy,
Thanks for responding. This was targeted at English men/women. I was being sincere. However, I am like a light that all of the bugs are attracted to. Sorry, for the peanut gallery.
I do not think you need our help to invade france. Just put a couple guys near Dover with a few pitchforks. Have them wave the pitchforks menacingly, and france will surrender.
bigprljamfan,
I honestly did not want (restless, z-man, mon quebec) to enter this thread. I thought I made that clear. My motives were to thank our allies. There was one post where one of the Englishmen asked why the Americans had forgotten the contribution of the English. WE HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN!!! We are very thankful. I hope that many of our fellow posters come on and thank them for their courage. If you disagree with the war, fine. Please confine your arguments to other threads. This is a sincere thank you. Nothing more or less.

Considering we bailed them out of WWII and helped them rebuild it’s the least they can do…France would do the same if they weren’t such cowards.

So obvious, so ridiculous. :wink:

A proud Canadian. :stuck_out_tongue:

Speaking as someone with dual English/Canadian citizenship I offer the following:

English me: Hey man! No problem, your welcome.

Canadian me: Jealous Canadians??? WTF! FK you, AHOLE.

Just a little humour to lighten the mood :slight_smile:

A Frenchman, an American, and a Brit were all busy getting drunk in Saudi Arabia when the cops burst in. They were soon sentenced to death, but through good lawyers, the three men were able to reduce their sentence to life. As luck would have it, it was a Saudi holiday, so the judge said, "Because it’s a holiday you will each recieve 20 lashes and be let go.
It is customary to grant one wish before punishment. The Brit thinks and says, “Strap a pillow on my back.” They do, but it only holds for 10 lashes.

The Frenchman sees this, and requests two pillows on his back. These only hold for 15 lashes.

The judge turns to the American and says “Because you are from such a respectable country, you get 2 wishes.”

The American replies, “I wish to be flogged 100 times, not 20.” The judge thinks this is very honerable and asks “And your second?”

The American answers “Strap the Frenchman to my back.”


Q: Where can you find 60,100,000 French jokes?
A: In France.

Q: Why do zee French have zee onion and zee Arabs has zee oil?
A: Because zee French had zee first pick.

Q: How do you brainwash a Frenchman?
A: Fill up his boots with water.

Q: Is it rude to call a Frenchman a frog?
A: Yes, it is unfair to amphibians.

Q: Why did the French start using garlic?
A: To improve their breath.

Q: How are French babies born?
A: With their hands up (surrendering).

Q: How many generations does it take to learn ingratitude?
A: Trois

A cannibal went into the butcher shop to buy some brains for dinner. She saw that American and British brains were $4.95 per lb and French brains were $450.00 per lb. She gasped and asked the butcher if the price of the French brains were a misprint.
“No ma’m,” answered the butcher. “That is the correct price.”

“Well, why are the French brains so expensive?” exclaimed the cannibal.

“Do you know how many French it takes to get a pound of brains?” replied the butcher.


Q: Wy don’t the French want to bomb Saddam Hussein?
A: He hates America, he loves mistresses and he wears a beret. He is French.
Conan O’Brien

Q: Why do Frenchmen wear berets?
A: So they know which end to wipe.

Finally, this week the French soldiers have showed up in Afghanistan. Figures. just like the French to show up after the hard work has been done.
Jay Leno

Q: Why do the French call their fighter the “Mirage”?
A: Because it’s never seen in a combat zone.

Q: How do you kill a Frenchman?
A: Slam the toilet seat down when he’s getting a drink.

Q: What do you call a French fighter coming to the rescue of American and British soldiers in the Iraqi desert?
A: Mirage

The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.

The French are always reticent to surrender to the wishes of their friends and always more than willing to surrender to the wishes of their enemeies.

Q: Why do French naval ships have glass bottoms?
A: To see all their other ships.

Q: Why do the French use a lot of bleach on their sheets?
A: So you can see their white flags better.

Going to war without the French is like going hunting without an accordion.

The French are to warfare what the British are to cooking.

Donald Rumsfeld was being heckled by a French anti-war weenie when he suddenly turned and asked the Frenchman:
“Excuse me. Do you speak German?”

The Frenchman replied “No.”

Rumsfeld looked him in the eyes and said “You’re welcome.”


Q: How did the French react to German reunification?
A: They put up speed bumps at the borders to slow down the panzers.

Q: What do you call a man who only needs body armor on his back?
A: Jacques Chirac

Q: What is the other way to spell the name of the French president?
A: Jacques ChIraq.

A man askes his companion, “What’s the most common French expression”? His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, “I give up!”

Q: Why is it good to be French?
A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it for you.

Q: What is the French battle flag? A: It is three white fleur-de-lies on a white background.

Q: Why do Frenchmen always wear yellow ties?
A: To match their teeth.

Q: What’s the best place to hide your money?
A: Under a Frenchman’s soap.

A: What do you get if you see a Frenchman up to his neck in sand?
Q: More sand.

Q: What did the Mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered?
A: Table for one hundred thousand, sir?

Q: How can you tell if a Frenchman has been in your back yard?
A: Your garbage is gone and your dog is pregnant.

Q: What do you do if you drive over a Frenchman?
A: Reverse!

Q: Did you hear about the Frenchman who lost his license to practice medicine?
A: He was caught having sex with some of his patients. It’s a shame, he was the best veternnarian in town!

Q: How do you stop a French tank?
A: Shoot the guy that’s pushing it.

A French rifle for sale on ebay:
“It’s never been fired and it’s been dropped only once.”

Q: Why do Frenchmen have moustashes?
A: To remind them of their mothers.

You really do have to hand it to the French…
After all, they won’t fight for it.

President Bush and the french ambassador were debating the Iraqi crisis. The President explained:
"If we don’t stop Hussein soon, any future conflict with this madman would be a nuclear bloodbath. "

The interpreter couldn’t translate this, however, since there is no word for “bath” in French.


Q: How many French soldiers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five:

one to sit on his butt and watch and do nothing.
one to turn tail and run.
one to roll over.
one to surrender to the light bulb and snitch out occupied sockets.
and one to pick up a phone and cry to the United States.


Q: What happens when a Frenchman doesn’t pay his garbage bill?
A: They stop delivering.

Q: How do you ruin a French party?
A: Flush the punch bowl.

Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, Chirac. He stands still and Europe revolves around him.

Q: What does “Maginot” mean in German?
A: Welcome!

Q: Why did the Frenchman sell his water skis?
A: He couldn’t find a lake with a hill in it.

Q: You go to a cockfight. How do you know if a Frenchman is there?
A: He’s the one with a duck.
Q: How do you know if an Italian is there?
A: He bet on the duck.

Q: How do you know if the Mafia is there?
A: The duck wins.


Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: All of them: One to screw the bulb in, the rest to brag about how great the French are at screwing.

Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: It doesn’t matter; if you’re depending on the French to do the job, it’s screwed anyway.

French tanks have 6 gears, 5 reverse and 1 forward. The forward gear exists in case they are attacked from behind.

Q:Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama?
A:So the French can show them how to surrender.

Q: What do you do if a Frenchman throws a hand-grenade at you?
A: Take the pin out and throw it back.

Q: What do you do if a Frenchman throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell - he’s still got a hand-grenade between his teeth.

Q: Did you hear about the French helicopter crash?
A: The pilot got cold, so he turned off the fan.

Q: How do you get a Frenchman out of a bath tub?
A: Throw in a bar of soap.

Q: How do you break a Frenchman’s finger?
A: Hit him on the nose.

Q: What do you call a Frenchman with 1500 girl friends?
A: A shepherd.

Q: How do you confuse a Frenchman?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to piss in the corner.

Q: How do you keep a Frenchman in suspense?

True quote from French President Jacques Chirac:
"As far as I’m concerned, war always means failure.

Obviously he was speaking for the French!


Q: What’s the difference between a dead skunk and a dead Frenchman In the middle of the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

Q: What does it say on the bottom of a Perrier bottle in France?
A: Open other end.

Q: Did you hear about the French hockey team?
A: They all drowned in spring training.

Q: Did you hear about the new automatic French parachutes?
A: They open on impact.

Q: Did you hear about the French submarine with a screen door?
A: Don’t laugh… it keeps the fish out.

George W. Bush, Tony Blair and Jacques Chirac were relaxing in a Parisian sauna. Suddenly, there was a distinct beeping sound.
President Bush pressed his forearm with his thumb & the beeping stopped. The others looked curiously at him. “Oh, that was just my pager”, said George. “I have a microchip embedded under the skin of my forearm.”

Two minutes later, the silence was broken by the sound of a phone ringing. Tony Blair lifted the palm of his hand to his ear & the ringing stopped. The Prime Minister explained, "That was my cell phone, chaps. I have a telecom chip implanted in the palm of my hand.

"By this time, French president Jacques Chirac was feeling sort of low-tech. Without saying anything, he quickly scooted out of the sauna, but returned momentarily. When he returned, Bush and Blair both stared at him increduously.

It appeared that a long piece of toilet paper was dangling from the Frenchman’s posterior.

When Jacques saw that he had the attention of the other two men, he feigned astonishment: “Marie sainte! I’m think I’m getting a fax.”


Q: How many Frenchman does it take to guard Paris?
A: Nobody knows, its never been tried.

Q: What color is the American flag?
A: Red, White, and Blue.
Q: What color is the British flag?
A: Red, White, and Blue.
Q: What color is the French flag?
A: White.

Q: What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A: The Army.

Q: What did France used to be called?
A: Germany, and then we saved them.

Q: Why don’t they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.
"I will give you each one wish, " says the genie.

The American says, “I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in America.” With a blink of the genie’s eye, ‘FOOM’ - the land in America was forever made fertile for farming.

The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, “I want a wall around France, so that no one can come into our precious country.” Again, with a blink of the Genie’s eye, ‘POOF’ - there was a huge wall around France.

The Englishman asks, "I’m very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.

The Genie explains, “Well, it’s about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out.”

The Englishman says, “Fill it up with water.”


Q: What’s the difference between a Frenchwoman and a werewolf?
A. The Frenchwoman is not quite as hairy but the werewolf smells better.

Q: Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees?
A: So the Germans could march in the shade.

Q: What do you call a Frenchman with a sheep under one arm and a goat under the other?
A: A bisexual.

An Englishman, an American and a Frenchman are visited by a genie who grants them one wish each.
The Englishman wishes he was transported to a beautiful paradise.

The American wishes he was rich and famous.

The Frenchman wishes the Englishman and the American were back to make his mind up for him.


Q: Did you hear about England’s new zoo?
A: They put a fence around France.

Q: How do you get a one-armed Frenchman out of a tree?
A: Wave to him.

Q: How did the Germans conquer France so fast?
A: They marched in backwards and the French thought they were leavling.

Q: Why wasn’t Christ born in France?
A: Because they couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.

Q: What are they calling the Germans, French and Belgians at the Pentagon.
A: The Axis of Weasels.

Q:The American military wears combat boots. What does the French military wear?
A: Track shoes.

Q: How do you sink a French battleship?
A: Put it in water.

A Frenchwoman walks into a bar carrying a duck under her arm.
The bartender says “HEY! You can’t bring that pig in here.”
The Frenchwoman says “Excuse me…but that’s a duck.”
The bartender says back, “Excuse ME, but I was talking to the duck.”

Despite making what most observers agreed were “obvious technical errors,” such as surrendering, the Taliban were awarded victory in the Afghanistan war last night after the French judge said they won on presentation.
SatireWire.

Q: Did you hear bout the French Kamikaze?
A: He flew 30 successful missions.

A French firing squad stands in a circle, then surrenders.

Once upon a time there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth.
One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down.

“Oh, my,” said the bunny, “I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’ve been blind since birth, so, I can’t see where I’m going. In fact, since I’m also an orphan, I don’t even know what I am.”

“It’s quite OK,” replied the snake. “Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are, so at least you’ll have that going for you.”

“Oh, that would be wonderful” replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, “Well, you’re covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I’d say that you must be a bunny rabbit.”

“Oh, thank you! Thank you,” cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, “Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you’ve helped me.”

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, “Well, you’re smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I’d say you must be French”.


An American is walking down the street when he sees a Frenchman with a very long pole and a yardstick. He’s standing the pole on its end and trying to reach the top of it with his yardstick.
Seeing the Polak’s ignorance, the American wrenches the pole out of his hand, lays it on the sidewalk, measures it with the yardstick, and says, “There! 10 feet long.”

The Frenchman grabs the yardstick and shouts, “You idiot American! I don’t care how long it is! I want to know how high it is!”


Q: What do French recruits learn in basic training?
A: How to surrender in 17 different languages.

Q: Why did the French agree to build the channel tunnel?
A: To make it easier to escape to England when the Germans come again.

Q: Why does Nike like the French Army?
A: They are a big buyer of running shoes.

Q: Why did the French celebrate their World Cup championship so wildly?
A: It was the first time they won anything without the help of the U.S.

Q: What is the most useful thing on a French Army Tank?
A: A rearview mirror, so they can see the war.

More love for the Brits (let’s not forget the Scots, the Welsh, and the Northern Irish!):

Of all the nations that I have ever visited, the British people were the most courteous and congenial. There is, I think, more than just a language bond there. I observed many facets of life, from government institutions all the way down to the philosophy of everyday life that I could identify strongly with. I suppose that’s not surprising given our common history, but still… I think when the Star Spangled Banner was played at Buckingham in the wake of 9/11 there was not a dry eye in our house, and it certainly meant a great deal to us. I would go back to any of the countries in Great Britain in a heartbeat if given the chance.

I was disappointed to read another poster say that the US was forgetting them. I wish the US would be a little more loud and official in our appreciation for the UK. In the words of another committed American- and Anglo-phile and great citizen of the US and the UK, Winston Churchill: “If we are together nothing is impossible.”

Thanks!

p.s. Not to leave out the Canadians. It would be a neck and neck race, as I grew up near the border, spent much time in Canada, and am thoroughly pro-Canadian. However, I have had the repeated misfortune of also visiting French Canada, and I will leave it at that.

So Murphy, whaddya think about the French?

I got a kick out of most of the jokes.

Why didn’t you include a few more?

Who gave the United States the Statue of Liberty, and why?

US=GG things he can decide who posts in a thread and who doesn’t. He never ceases to amaze me.

mamaan,

Oh, we love the french. I didn’t add more because that took me like 2 minutes to copy and paste those jokes as it was.

Johnny Law,I hope that was an attempt at humour,because if not it shows crass ignorance.
Walk into any pub in the UK and say that and see how you get your ass handed to you.

"Though well spoken, bright, and firm in your convictions, I can’t help but notice that:

You are one big ball of unadulterated, first class…

Hate. "

ummmmmm, thanks for the kind words I guess.