We all get them - those witty(!?) short jokes by text that mates send us at random times during the day.
Post them up here.
To start off ...
Two men at airport. First man says "I cant find my wife"
Second says "I cant find mine either, what does yours look like?"
1st man says "She's 6' tall, blonde, big tits, mini skirt, stockings, high heels and a boob tube. What's yours look like?"
2nd man says "Fuck her - lets look for yours"
Husband finishes reading the book 'Be the man of your house' and says to wife "From now on my word is law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight with a sumptuous desert. Afterwards we will have the kind of sex that I want. You will bathe me as I relax, towel me dry then massage my feet and back. Then tomorrow, guess who will dress me and comb my hair?"
Wife says "The fucking funeral director would be my first guess"
What's the difference between a cow and a crisis? You'll never catch a scouser milking a cow.
A wife moans to her husband "A bull can have sex 365 days a year!"
Husband replies "Yes but it doesn't have to fuck the same cow every day"
Dad takes home some deer meat and cooks it but doesn't tell the kids what it is. As a clue he says "It's what mummy calls me sometimes"
Just before her brother takes a bite, his six year old daughter screams "Don't eat it - it's a fucking arsehole"
Sure you can all come up with more.