Hey this is SANIK, I am starting to fuck up again and its been about 4weeks since I have been in the gym besides yesterday. I am skinny and and my left arm since I fell off a bike acts kind weird and It didnt get it checked out at the hospital, it kind of pushes itself out at the elbow a little more then its supposed to and feels a lot more weak then my right arm. None the less I am pushing it to work.
I have a TERRIBLE DIET which includes greasy food, whatever I can get my hands on, Coffee, Granola Bars, Pizza, Hot Dogs, Spaghetti, Cocacola, Water, A lot of cheese, donuts, bacon, eggs, coffee without eating, a lot of pizza, peanut butter straight from the can with my hands, I eat out a lot and dont have any money to blow and I am kind of fucked up and dont spend my money properally, I smoke occasionally out of long time habit but I never finish the cigarette I always put them out. I have two cuban cigars right now in my closet I dont know what I am going to do with them now. I also buy a lot of cheap hamburgers for about 2$ sometimes I go to McDonalds or wherever I have to go to eat.
Anyways I know how horrible it is and I can feel my clogged arteries but I am just about leave right now to drink some water and go push my dead body through as much as I can stomach for today which may not exceed 60lbs on most of the weights. Either way I always feel neurologically refreshed after the work out and that feels good and makes me smile and laugh after so I go and do it anyways. I am in control of myself except I am pretty fucked up and retarded and kind of stay in my bed all day because I dont have a lot of friends anymore. Anyways its all part of fucking up and learning from your mistakes and getting through the days.
I am leaving right now, I deserve whatever I get from you guys.