I have been suffering from depression, anxiety, and insomnia for as long as I can remember. This is THE thing that has been handicapping me from living a life that I enjoy. I donâ??t talk about it much, but I take no pleasure in living most of the time.
I have been seeing doctors for years trying to sort this out. I have seen multiple psychiatrists and psychologists in my life and have followed their instructions. I have done the therapy, taken more drugs that I can count, and nothing has really worked. After many years of fighting it, I had accepted this was the way I would have to exist. I still saw and continued to see medical professionals for the issues, and still tried all the treatments, but internally I had lost all hope. What most call mediocrity I call a good day.
I had never looked into or thought about testosterone until an older friend of mine asked me to look into low testosterone, as he was thinking about going on it but has no insurance. I have a natural aptitude for biology and chemistry as well as formal education in biology, so I told him I would do a little research for him. It was uncanny how many of the symptoms that I read, I actually had. So I decided to have some blood work done to see where my testosterone was.
The first test came back at 315ng/dl, this is far below average for my age (24 years old) so I also had the lab check LH, FSH, and E2. Everything was in range, LH came back at 4.9miu/ml and FSH was 4.3 miu/ml. Just be sure, I had total testosterone taken again several weeks later and it came back around 275ng/dl.
After these readings I really wanted to try to increase my testosterone levels to see if the symptoms of depression would subside, however I did not want to go on long term TRT considering I am only 24 years old. So I decided to self-administer testosterone in a 10 week cycle to see if it had any impact on my mental state and overall well-being. I figured this would be a good way to run a diagnostic test to see if my symptoms were testosterone related, without suppressing my natural testosterone levels for very long so I could still recover quickly.
I ran 400-500mg/week of testosterone E, injections split 2x weekly. Aside from the huge gains I got in the gym, my libido was high, I had good energy, was in a better mood, had more motivation, landed a girlfriend, and was back in school and doing very well in it. Life was becoming much better to live! I cycled off the testosterone with a very aggressive PCT. I recovered quickly, and my blood tests showed that my natural testosterone was actually a little higher 6 months after my cycle then it was before I started (granted still very low for a 24 year old male).
In the 6 months after my cycle I also lost my energy and motivation, lost my libido, lost my girlfriend, my depression returned, and I dropped out of college even though I have a 3.9 GPA and an IQ of 131. I was right back where I was before I tried the testosterone - no better, no worse.
I have not used testosterone in about a year and I have been hesitant to go on TRT at 24, even though I think about it all the time. I am now at a point where I simply cannot continue to live like this anymore now that I know there is a way out. If TRT is what I need (and I honestly believe it is), then Iâ??ll do it.
So here is my question. I am scheduling appointments with HRT specialists to see about getting on TRT (assuming there is no other way to get my natural test up to where it needs to be, and I donâ??t think there is). Should I tell them that I ran a cycle in the past? Itâ??s very relevant diagnostic information, however I donâ??t want to be persecuted or treated differently by the doctors because of it.
Any and all help is greatly appreciated, I need to get this sorted out ASAP so I can start living a real life again.