T Nation


Okay, I’ve had it!!! Anybody have any great lines they would like to share for getting those annoying telemarketers and other associated salespeople out of my life. They are sooooooo annoying! I try to be polite, but they don’t go for that and I end up slamming the phone down and being rude. I don’t like to be that way, but they are really pissing me off. There isn’t a day that goes by without at least one of these disturbances–usually during dinner.
So, anyone have any great lines they’d like to share?

I like how Jerry Seinfeld dealt with a telemarketer. He said he was really busy & asked if he phone the person back. So the person said he wasn’t allowed to give out his phone number & Jerry says ‘So I guess you don’t like strangers phoning you at home. Well now you know how I feel.’ lol

Well scream as loud as you can, act like a nutcase. That hopefully will be the end. If you have a cordless, put it above the toilet and grunt, and flush.

“Uh, I tell ya what…I’m getting I just got home…how about you give me YOUR number and I’ll call you when I’m all settled?” - works all the time…they usually hang up on ME. he he he.

Personally, I like to put all those business classes that I’ve taken to use by explaining the concept of the free market economy to them. In a market, buyers and sellers voluntarily exchange goods and services to attain mutual benefit. If they’re harassing me at home, it obviously isn’t “voluntary” on my part. Also, you can always do the Jerry Seinfeld thing and tell them that you’re really busy and that you’d love to call them at home later when you have more time. When they tell you that they can’t give their home number, you say, “Oh, you don’t want me calling you at home? Now you know how I feel.”

Just ask them what they are wearing

I’m serious when I say this. Tell them the person they are calling has died. Usually if it’s your name they will take you off the list, and sometimes other lists. They don’t want to time and money calling someone who isn’t alive. Now sometimes, they will still ask to talk with you, so you can just deal with one of the aforementioned ways.

lol! Agrees with Coyote. Go with the wierdo act. I like to let them talk for a few seconds. Then, interrupt in your best backwoods inbred “Deliverance” hillbilly voice and say something like “ya sure do have a purty voice” whether it’s a male or female. Maintain the voice and start asking them if they could describe what they look like and where they live. They’ll hang up.

Ever see the movie Boiler Room I think its that movie where a guy that has a casino in his basement and one of his old friends comes in and beats some and make him a stock broker??? Great line where the main charector is a Stock broker and a telemarketer trys to sell him NY times, I think, he was about say I am not intreasted and then convince the telemarketer to give him a better sales pitch and then say something like I got already…

Good movie by the way…

It’s been quiet here in Indiana since our State Legislature passed the Telemarketing No-Call List (Ahhh, Silence!). However, when I did receive those calls, I just spoke like Apu from the Simpsons. Usually they will just hang up, but I did have one guy start cracking up on me and tell me he loved the Simpsons!

the options are endless…

  1. If they’re asking you to switch long distance companies (or whatever else), reply “why would I want to switch long distance companies when I’m just going to kill myself as soon as I hang up the phone? That is, unless you can convince me not to.”

  2. Ask every question possible about their company, then after they finally finish answering, say that you aren’t interested.

  3. Sound convinced that the telemarketer is really one of your friends who is trying to play a trick on you “come on, I know it’s you already…give it up.”

  4. If they ask how you are doing, reply “I’m glad you asked, because nobody seems to care these days. My dog just died, I’m almost completely bankrupt, my girlfriend left me…” etc.

  5. If you are a man, and they ask “is this Mr. so and so?” reply in a deep voice “this is Mrs. so and so, how dare you!!! Just because a girl has a bit of a deep voice… you bastard!” then hang up, they probably won’t call back.

I’ll post some more if you guys like these.

Well you could just lay the phone down and walk away cuz they will talk forever…or maybe be like wait just a second and then dont come back to the phone for like 5 minutes and then ask if you can call em back or something that will tick em off…if you have a friend there yall can act like a murder is occuring or something crazy like that…that would be some funny shit…lol…if anyone has done this or does holla at me cuz i would love to hear the reaction.

Okay, here’s the ultimate way to get rid of telemarketers. Takes a little time, but if you’ve got the time to spare it’s 100% guaranteed effective (and kinda fun). The underlying concept here is that telemarketers are all under severe time pressure to sell as much as possible in a given amount of time. Ergo, if you waste a lot of their time you hurt them, and they won’t call back. So okay, here’s what I did to a guy who called every year around the same time selling Firemen’s Ball tickets in LA. This guy had the most oily, sleezy voice you can imagine, and was a really smooth talker. The first time he called I was polite and talked with him for about 10 minutes while he tried to get me to buy some tickets. When it became obvious that I wasn’t going to buy, he got rude and hung up on me, pissing me off. The second year, I wasn’t expecting him to call back and was suckered again. The third year, however… ahhhh. He calls. Obviously, with the number of people he talked to per year he wasn’t going to remember my voice. So when he went into his pitch, I played along like I was interested. About five minutes into it, I said, “Can you hold on a second? I’ve got something boiling on the stove.” He, thinking that he was going to make a sale, said “Sure.” I then put the phone down and went back to the book I was reading for about 5 minutes. Then I picked up the phone again. He was still there. I apologized for keeping him waiting, and asked him a question about the tickets. He went back into his spiel. I let him go for another minute or two, then said, “I’m sorry, can you hold on again? There’s someone at the door.” He says “Sure” again, hooked by his own greed. I kept this up and kept him on the line for at least 20 minutes, inventing excuses to put him on hold for one reason or another. Finally, I said, “Y’know, I don’t think I’m interested after all. But thanks for talking with me!” and hung up as he started cursing. That was the last time the guy called me. Score one for the good guys.

It has gotten so bad that I screen calls full time. I even changed my answering machine message explaining why we don’t answer calls unless we recognize the number on the caller i.d. Perhaps, if enough people do this, it will no longer be profitable to call people during their dinner time.

You could blow a whistle into the phone (ouch, that hurts,) or say hold on a minute please and set the phone down and go about your business. Hang it up later when it begins beeping. I do the later bc I think we all agree that these guys (eventhough doing their job,) are wasting our time. So why not waste theirs. Also, the time they spend “on hold”, is time where they are not able to phone/bother someone else.

Just remember, the person asking the questions is in control of the conversation. What usually happens with me is they butcher my last name (it’s not that tough, they’re just lazy). I just say “Try that last name again, SLOWLY.” That puts them on an uneven keel to start. Then I just cut to the chase and don’t let them do their script – “So, what are you selling?” “How did you get my name?” “There’s no such thing as free, what do I have to do?” I just keep the questions coming, then tell them (a) I’m not interested, and (b) if they ever call again I’ll report them to the BBB. I actually have a lot of fun with these people, but I would probably enjoy it more if they didn’t call at all.

I’m polite and friendly. When they say ‘How are you?’ I say ‘Fine and you?’ that throws them off to start. Then I tell them I’m not interested (about 12 times) and tell them to take me off their list and I want it in writing that I’m off the list. I’ve found that if you are polite they actually DO take you off the list.

Telemarketers are one of my pet peeves. I do follow up calls for people that apply for life insurance, however I work for an agency, not the actual company being applied to. So it bites. Ussually I’ll call someone, state my name and the company I work for and they ussually start off by saying they’re not interested, and I have to try to keep them on the phone for a moment to explain that either they or there spouse has requested information from us, and that I’m not a telemarketer.

“My Telemarketing Nightmare,” by Joey Z. : Half way
through the first quarter of the Super Bowl, I hear
the phone ring. My first thought was that it’s Dominos
informing me that my diet buster deluxe was going to
be a littlt late. No such luck! I picked up the phone and
heard a voice say, "Hello my name is Helen, and I’m
taking a national survey. “WHAT!!! I reply. “Yes, this
will only take a few minutes,” Helen exclaims. “Lady,
I’m watching the ‘damn’ Super Bowl,” I inform her. "
Oh, but this will only take a few minutes, sir,” she again informs me. Now I lose my cool - “WHAT IS YOUR
MAJOR MALFUNCTION?! (I scream in my ‘Full Metal
Jacket’ voice.) How dare you interrupt a man during one of life’s most sacred moments!!!???” I slam down the phone, only to find that I have just missed the first touchdown of the game. Is there a God that
could let this happen?!

I inadvertantly stumbled onto a solution thru my geekiness. Basically I moved into an apt about 3 years or so and out of my mom’s aka “eating protein will cause kidney failure spokeswoman” grasp. Anywho since I’m a computer geek I own a computer and connect it to the internet, only I use my main phone line, and since I’m a big computer geek my computer is always on and always online so anywho no calls can get thru. I got one of them cell phones to receive phone calls instead of a 2nd phone line (which it turns out nowadays costs as much as the cell phone does, tho it doens’t offer me the mobility and the leetness factor) funny thing is that sometimes when I just get back from work I get a phone call from those durn telemarketers or if my isp disconnects me all of a sudden my phone will ring and I’ll be like wtf? hehe