T Nation

Talk Dirty to Me...and my girlfriend

Here’s the situation, I am about 2 months into a really great relationship with this girl. We of course are still in the “sniffing butts” phase. Things are great and the sex is amazing. When we first we talking about sex I said something to the effect…“I hate dirty talk, it’s just stupid, it makes you sound dumb and corny.”

We during sex the other night she was saying a few things and I started saying somethings back. After it was over she told me how much of a turn on dirty talk is for her and how she was pretty bummed when I made that comment in the begginning. Now anytime I say something dirty she makes these great noises and she goes nuts. Now I'm a pretty creative guy but I'm now running out of things to say....

I would love to know what you horn-dogs out there say if you say anything at all…just think, you helping someone get off and that is a special feeling.


Butt sniffing? So you haven’t moved on to the full blown “inappropriate lawn-humping” phase? Sorry, can’t help you.

Do a search - there was a thread on this about a year ago or so…

Failing that, get yourself a thesaurus and get busy. (Gotta love the image…“Swive me, you wanton whorespawn!”)

Whenever she says something, say the opposite thing back to her. When she says “you stud” you say “you mare” back to her.

This is almost a troll, but what the hell.

Tell her how good her pussy feels. Ask her questions. Ask her if she likes your cock deep inside of her. Make her beg for you to cum inside of her.

See if she likes being called a dirty slut. Tell her how nasty she is. Make her tell you she needs you to fuck her.

Ask questions, talk about your respective genitals, and make her ask for things.

Tell her that all that crusty lint in her belly button turns you on. You might try bringing up dingleberries too. They’re pretty gross. :slight_smile:

It can be hard to sound vaguely original/sincere when talking dirty if you are not used to speaking out loud what it is that goes on in your mind. If you are just grasping at phrases you’ve heard from porn or other sources and mimicking what THEY’ve said, you’re pretty sure to fail at talking dirty. What is it that goes on in YOUR head when you guys go at it? Tell her that. Almost everyone I’ve been with has, after much poking and prodding, admitted to thinking sexual things (not just the fact that they are digging what’s going on, but actually talking to me or telling me to do certain things, in their heads) and it’s kind of a stretch to get them to say this stuff out loud. Most people feel like they’ll insult their partner if they really say what’s spinning around inside their head.

If she’s so into talking dirty then she may be into roll playing. Roll play solves a great deal of the “what do I say” problem as you put yourself into character and the words come with little effort. It’s also a scapegoat if you end up saying something she doesn’t like…“But honey, I was just pretending to be Capt. Hook and since he’s a mean bastard that probably likes freaky shit, I thought Capt. Hook would like it if his barwench squatted on his face and pissed. You know I’d never be into that, but maybe the barwench would be. I just got lost in the role.”

…when she says ‘fuck me with your big cock’ you say ‘fuck me with your big vagina’.

I didn’t know Captain Hook was German!

Hahahahah. That was a joke I hope? :slight_smile:

This one is highly recommended for dirty talk! believe me!

http://sexylosers. keenspace.com/105.html

German, eh? Um…yeah…he was…wasn’t he? Hell, I don’t know. Just thought it sounded fun. :wink: Is there something about Germans you’d care to fill me in on?

German porn features lots of pissing. I guess you never rented any. :wink:

Make odd and offputting references to her dental work or fingernails. Caugh a lot. Say things like “Yeah, right there. Right over there. I’m lost, can we start over?” Or things that’ll keep the action going such as “Wait, I’m not arroused. At all. Nope, gimme a few minutes 'kay?” Finally, if all else turns sour, compare her to a GROW bar “You’re never coming, never coming!” When you’re done, towel off and sing “Baby Beluga” really loud and off key.

MBE: “Distributer of Monkified muses since 1662. JADABB Founder, 2002.”


Roll play is okay, but I prefer bun play. Or even sandwich bread play. Just so long as it’s “hole wheat”. None of that nasty Sunbeam shit for me.

cd - Okay MBE, sign me up for JADABB. Since early this morning.

I like to talk about the laundry…ooops…DIRTY laundry.

PS: Who wants a application to sign up as a "JADABB DIVA" since about five minutes ago

Nope, never rented German porn. Seems I have been missing the more exotic styles. I prefer either making my own or the plain, ol’ vanilla stuff Vivid puts out. :wink:

I’ve seen so much porn over the years, I’ve had to branch out. I usually rent really weird nasty stuff and invite buddies over for a laugh.

Enema Madness was a classic - the narrator made the movie.

Century Sex showed a 96 year old woman getting fucked by Dick Nasty. I was completely disinterested in sex for 2 weeks - it killed me.

Dirty talk? Try some of these lines –

"Get off your ass and clean the kitchen once in a while!"

"No, baby, I don't think Haines Her Way is packaged pre-stained like that!"

"Um, no honey, I doubt your toothpaste comes in Bile flavor."

"Hey! I pay the bills, you can vaccum once in a while. And where the hell is my beer?"

yeah...stuff like that gets the ladies hot and bothered every time.