Tales of a Supplement Store Employee

[quote]JaseHxC wrote:
Will you ever be ordering “Russian Bear 5000” protein? It contains real steroids and over 100 grams of protein per serving." I highly suggest googling this product, it’s a laugh riot. The actual bag has “Anabolic” and “HGH” in large print on it and the serving sizes/values are ridiculous.
[/quote]

So with a name like that I just had to look it up.

Comes in a 4 lb tub

Serving size 5 scoops. Servings per container ~3
Protein - 184 g
Carbs - 391 g
Fat - 48 g

“Directions For Vitol Russian Bear 5000 Weight Gainer: As a dietary food supplement, mix one serving together with one gallon of whole milk and drink throughout the day.”

^^ I believe it rings in at roughly 2000 calories per serving as well? I have a little back story on it as well, it’s a Canadian made product but originally it wasn’t sold in Canada. The manufactures exported it to Saudi Arabia, Egypt, UAE to generate buzz which would explain why the only people that ask for it are Sand People. They only started selling it in Canada this past January as it finally was cleared by Health Canada at that point for sale.

The customers who ask for it, swear by it and won’t believe me when I tell them that there’s no way there’s actual anabolic steroids or HGH in it. I’ve honestly never met a more misinformed group of people when it comes to the health industry. If anybody reading this is from over that way, mind filling us in on what kind of marketing/products/facts you guys get?

ok mr supplement store employee I have a question for ya.

I visited my local GNC today to get more vitamins and the guy behind the counter tried to sell me some pre workout supplement called ACG3? (i remember it rhymed) and said it was better than Jacked (which I replied with “I dont take jacked”)

I’d heard of jacked before and other NO supps but whats up with the AC stuff? Is it really the new jacked? Why did the dude behind the counter try to push that supp on me? So many questions, so little answers

^^ This is the first I’ve heard of that product, but from the brief research I’ve done on it I can say this: it is all the same key ingredients as Jack3d, but more similar to 1MR. The big thing right now for “extreme energy, cock bursting pumps” pre workouts now is Geranium (which is actually now a banned substance in Canada)
All the ingredient amounts seem to be of similar values, so at best I’d say it’s a knockoff.

More then likely the company that produces it has struck a deal with GNC which would translate to employees getting a better cut on selling said product. To the best of my knowledge, USP labs (makers of Jack3d) aren’t on good terms with GNC, so I’d imagine a product that’s a carbon copy of it would be pushed harder.

Final verdict = it’s a preworkout designed for people who needed to be shaking like a crack addict before they go do their bicep curls in the gym. The pre-workout crowd that I deal with is going crazy now that Jack3d and all the similar stuff is going to be off the market in Canada, all trying to figure out what they’ll switch to so they can get their sweet pump on.

[quote]ahu2468 wrote:

[quote]Kerley wrote:
TL;DR

footnotes?[/quote]

-OP met sand-people that derka-derked a lil too hard

[/quote]

That made me lol… I think I’m gonna go watch TA now…

[quote]JaseHxC wrote:

“If I don’t take a protein powder supplement, will I be able to get protein anywhere else in my diet?” In my head, every face palm picture I’ve ever saw flashed and my head nearly asplode.
[/quote]

OMGLOL. I would have told him no, absolutely not.

[quote]JaseHxC wrote:
Thank you Ahu,nice to see some people enjoy my work. I’ll try to keep future stories less wordy though. I figure I’ll detail a few of the shakes I’ve made for people as of late instead of a full blown story as my mind is semi blank right now.

#1) Two Scoops of Jack3d/Two Scoops of Xtend/ 30 grams of Dextrose = $10.57
#2) Oats and Whey (Optimum brand)/Banana/One scoop of Jack3d = $9.58
#3) Two Scoops of Jack3d/Three Scoops of Super Pump Max = $14.02
#4) Six scoops of NoXplode = $16.08

Numbers 3 and 4 we’re the same person on seperate occasions, the guy reeked of douche.
[/quote]

Dude who drank #3 and #4 should post in the life changing bowel movement thread - drinking that much of assplode or super dump would clean any one out.

For those who never heard of the product

[quote]silverhydra wrote:
I don’t work at a store, so I have only a few isolated incidents to note. One, however, was hilarious.

I’m all buddy-buddy with the store manager and we’re just shooting the shit talking about supplements. A customer walks in and he has to leave to talk to said customer, I just lurk looking at the shelf.

I overhear the customer say that he wants ‘to look like that guy over there’ (pointing at me) and asks ‘what I take’ (to the manager no less, not at me). They both look at me, I’m utterly confused, I’m holding some milk thistle looking at the ingredient label. In my confusion I point to the milk thistle with a ‘are you guys looking at me because of this?’ look on my face.

Cue 5 minutes later, said customer is buying 2 bottles of milk thistle to build muscle.[/quote]

LOL.

For the record, Geraniamo >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Jack3d or any of that other stuff.

I think you mean Geranamine. (1,3 Dimethylamylamine)

I felt pretty anxious when I was given a sample supplement with that stuff in it. I knocked back the maximum amount recommended since I’ve built some tolerance to stimulants. Not fun to feel fluttery in the heart for a couple hours.

^^ It has many different names, both the one I used and the one you used are correct. Either way, I’m happy it’s being taken off the market in Canada. It’s a drug and peoples reliance on it to achieve a good workout is pitiful.

And now a funny story, gentlemen walks into store and browses for a bit. He gets to the area where we keep our vegetarian/vegan proteins and comes up with this “What kind of faggot takes this stuff? I don’t even know any vegetarians that aren’t 100 lb pussies.” He is maybe 150 lbs tops and clearly has developed an ego ten times his size since he started working out.

It’s at this point that I pipe up with “I’m a vegan, and while to the best of my knowledge I am not a homosexual, I do take that stuff.” He then questioned me with the usual where do you get your protein BS and after a while finally left when I wouldn’t concede that he was right and I was clearly wrong (and a homosexual)

[quote]ahu2468 wrote:

[quote]Kerley wrote:
TL;DR

footnotes?[/quote]

-OP met sand-people that derka-derked a lil too hard and ended up confusing themselves thinking that lifting heavy and taking a multi would make them fat.

-OP rages and scurs them away.

BTW OP makes quality threads in the GAL. The Pooping one made my year.[/quote]
Derka-derked? Never thought of that as a verb. Well done.

Guy that works at the sporting good store a floor up comes into the store, is currently taking Promacil for his protein of choice (20 grams of protein, 90 calories) He asks if we have anything that’s higher in protein, but lower in calories. He gets a blank face from me for a good few seconds before I recommend the isolate that we have in stock (27 grams of P, 112 calories) He says he’s been cutting for a year and a half and figures he could probably deal with a few extra cals in his protein shake as he’d like to get a tiny bit bigger.

And now for my estimation of his stats…drum roll please…5’7, 145 lbs tops.

[quote]JaseHxC wrote:
And now a funny story, gentlemen walks into store and browses for a bit. He gets to the area where we keep our vegetarian/vegan proteins and comes up with this “What kind of faggot takes this stuff? I don’t even know any vegetarians that aren’t 100 lb pussies.” He is maybe 150 lbs tops and clearly has developed an ego ten times his size since he started working out.

It’s at this point that I pipe up with “I’m a vegan, and while to the best of my knowledge I am not a homosexual, I do take that stuff.” He then questioned me with the usual where do you get your protein BS and after a while finally left when I wouldn’t concede that he was right and I was clearly wrong (and a homosexual)[/quote]

Lol

[quote]Ken St.Mich wrote:
For those who never heard of the product
- YouTube [/quote]

This is the best commercial ever. I’m buying some now.


The only thing that video is missing is Ivan Drago.

Russian Bear 5000 is the shit. It sounds like GOMAD with protein powder added.

I do want the power of Stalin though.

So apparently there are two products called Russian Bear then. The video posted is for the old one (which certainly is way more bad ass than the one I’ve been aware of)

And now, story time…Three minutes into my shift this morning, low and behold Ahab the Arab strolls in looking for the (read following with a thick Arabic accent) “proteins that will give me the big arms but also the six pack.” Seeing as I haven’t had my coffee yet, I was in no mood to even attempt to put him on the right track. I simply told him no such product exists and then went back checking forum activity.

Awesome thread, keep them coming!