T Nation

Tales of a Supplement Store Employee


#1

So because the arrival of Summer basically means work will be slow as anything, I've decided to start this thread up to detail some of my past and future run ins with customers that bring teh lulz. Hopefully these stories will bring a tear to your eye and a warmth to your heart.

"The Multi Vitamin Mishap"

About a week ago, two Arabic guys (early 20's) walk into the store with some basic questions for me. The language barrier is usually always an issue when dealing with them so at times I wonder if perhaps there is just a lot of miscommunication going on, but no, the following was what they firmly believed. If they were to take a multi-vitamin, they would indeed get fat. Yes, the added vitamins and minerals would surely turn their frail 120 lb physiques into lumpy fat sculptures.

After I assured them that this really wasn't the case I began to question them on their diet. On average, they ate 2 times a day, cafeteria style food with the occasional trip to fast food joint off campus. I suggested that maybe taking a multi-vitamin would in fact be a good idea since they were probably deficient in every category known to man. At this point, they began to ask of any other side effects of supplementing a multi into their diet. By this point I was tossing out veiled insults into my recommendations to them and whether they got the point or not, they left shortly after, leaving me to ponder what kind of future does this world have?


#2

TL;DR

footnotes?


#3

-OP met sand-people that derka-derked a lil too hard and ended up confusing themselves thinking that lifting heavy and taking a multi would make them fat.

-OP rages and scurs them away.

BTW OP makes quality threads in the GAL. The Pooping one made my year.


#4

That's the joy of the internet, now matter how fucking wrong you are you can find someone, somewhere to agree with you.


#5

Thank you Ahu,nice to see some people enjoy my work. I'll try to keep future stories less wordy though. I figure I'll detail a few of the shakes I've made for people as of late instead of a full blown story as my mind is semi blank right now.

1) Two Scoops of Jack3d/Two Scoops of Xtend/ 30 grams of Dextrose = $10.57

2) Oats and Whey (Optimum brand)/Banana/One scoop of Jack3d = $9.58

3) Two Scoops of Jack3d/Three Scoops of Super Pump Max = $14.02

4) Six scoops of NoXplode = $16.08

Numbers 3 and 4 we're the same person on seperate occasions, the guy reeked of douche.


#6

oh, i thought it was the accessability of porn?


#7

qft...

doh, i just agreed with HM and proved Ghost right.... brain explodes


#8

My girlfriend thinks one shouldn't take vitamins late in the day as they'll keep you awake.


#9

They might figure out the veiled insults and come back and go all Jihad on your ass. RUN! No, wait. If you do that, then they'd win. As you were.


#10

Here's a rundown of some of the stranger questions I've been asked recently...

"Will this product make my penis larger and make me last longer in bed?" Product in question was Xtend by Scivation, clearly he had been watching infomercials but not paying that much attention.

Will you ever be ordering "Russian Bear 5000" protein? It contains real steroids and over 100 grams of protein per serving." I highly suggest googling this product, it's a laugh riot. The actual bag has "Anabolic" and "HGH" in large print on it and the serving sizes/values are ridiculous.

Girlfriend pointing out product to boyfriend "Is this the stuff that makes you so angry all the time?" Product in question was Jack3d. His response "Yeah babe, that stuff gets me so pumped up I just wanna fight stuff."

"If I don't take a protein powder supplement, will I be able to get protein anywhere else in my diet?" In my head, every face palm picture I've ever saw flashed and my head nearly asplode.


#11

This thread is already gold. This is EXACTLY why I come to GAL. Keep going strong.

PS the bowel movement thread is also pure quality.


#12

Great thread. Keep it going. I love these weird-ass-misinformed real life stories.


#13

There is an alarming increase in douche-baggery in NS these days, I can only imagine what you see and hear in a supp store. I think it has to do with so many university students coming here from Ontario.


#14

Honestly, this plays a huge part of it. I can pinpoint which kids attend what universities and where in Canada they're from based solely on what they ask for and their general attitude. The majority of my stories/targets are between Dal kids from Ontario that think they run the world and Arabic people from whatever country they come from that will spend money on whatever they saw in a magazine and also think they run the world.

I'm assuming you're not located in Halifax?


#15

nothing to contribute, but this thread I am looking foreward to


#16

No I am not, went to school at X, still living in that area.


#17

Being an independently owned store has it's pros and cons. The biggest disadvantage is certainly the sheer number of people that come in assuming we do under the counter steroid deals. In my time here I've had people accuse me of holding out on them, say they know their friends have bought gear here recently, or ask me to give them my hook up so they can get all "ripped and jacked" like me. One guy was so determined for me to sell him things he tried to slip me some cash for the trouble.


#18

Please, no Cliffs required. Fuck cunts with ADHT.


#19

I don't work at a store, so I have only a few isolated incidents to note. One, however, was hilarious.

I'm all buddy-buddy with the store manager and we're just shooting the shit talking about supplements. A customer walks in and he has to leave to talk to said customer, I just lurk looking at the shelf.

I overhear the customer say that he wants 'to look like that guy over there' (pointing at me) and asks 'what I take' (to the manager no less, not at me). They both look at me, I'm utterly confused, I'm holding some milk thistle looking at the ingredient label. In my confusion I point to the milk thistle with a 'are you guys looking at me because of this?' look on my face.

Cue 5 minutes later, said customer is buying 2 bottles of milk thistle to build muscle.


#20

This thread just gets weirder an weirder. Tanks OP.