T Nation

T-Vixen Advice please

Okay, this is going to make me sound very unmanly, and definately not at all like a T-man. But that’s okay for now, because I am not yet a T-man… I am a T-man In Training… or TIT for short.

Anyways here is the predicament: As Chinadoll pointed out, my mannerisms are, shall we say, cute… or childish. and I have very little problem with that, I am the guy at the party that keeps things going, I am jumping off the house or climbing the lamp post… all before I have had anything to inbibe, everybody has fun and nobody is bored.
But this childishness (along with an inability to understand basic body language) has given me many friends but has made it difficult to get anybody that will be ‘more than friends’
This isn’t a pity seeking post, I am just wondering, should I continue down this path of fun and childishness, at the possible cost of action. Or should I stay with fun… cause I enjoy fun.

I know that women are attracted to me on a physical level, but they also find me a tad bit … odd. So I could go against my nature and become more normal so I can get women, or I could stay the way I am, have good times and hope that some girl comes along who appreciates a little variety.

So the opinions of the Vixens are needed (please be gentle… I am fragile.)

Im not a Vixen,but I am a guy that does’nt have much of a problem with getting girls/women. First I want to say that you should not change for anyone except yourself(im sure you hear, and are going to hear this alot!) If a girl is going to be attracted to a “fake” you then what good is that,unless its just going to be a one nighter, or a few weeks of fun? Look for girls with similar interests, and then ACT on it(which seems to be your problem, you are PREY more then a PREDATOR)…I`ll add more as the post goes on…

I agree with Dave…don’t change who you are. You would only end up unhappy in the end. Just be confident enough not to take that trip to friend land with every female you meet. My guess is that you facilitate the friendships because they are easier. No fear of rejection if you are just a friend. Right. It sounds like you take a lot of chances in the hopes of entertaining your friends. So, why not take a chance on approaching a female that has been checking you out?

Good luck.

I have a buddy who has this same exact problem! He becomes friends,and then it never leads anywhere for him, usually me or another one of us end up getting with the chick(s) and all he gets are the phone calls from the new “pal” complaining about what assholes me or whoever else are…we have been calling him the gay gal pal and he hates it!!

I have to agree with Ericka. If you are comfortable with who you are then find a girl who is just as comfortable. Once you find her, don’t be afraid to make a move. Rejection is all part of the game but you don’t know what’s going to happen if you don’t act.

Gay Gal Pal. LOL

In response to Shortdave: Is it possible to tone down your showmanship when you’re in the presence of potential ho’s? Maybe talking to them about how you like to do crazy things like bungee jumping and making plans to do something like that with them, instead of jumping off the roof of the house. Chicks dig guys who do crazy shit, but not when it looks like an attention getting thing.

Not to high-jack the thread, but I have a somewhat different problem, in fact exactly the opposite. I have a hard time being friends with girls, especially hot ones. It’s seems it’s either all or nothing. I’ve been trying to be a friend type guy to a few recently (in an effort to be faithful to my chick while not ignoring perfectly nice/hot chicks) and basically when they find out I have a gf or I don’t advance on them interaction seems to fizzle. Any advice? Thanks.

Gotta agree with the previous posts. I don’t think you should change who you are for anyone, ever. But perhaps you need to supplement your liveliness with a sense of subtlety when appropriate. I would say that if your antics are the result of you constantly TRYING to entertain/impress, it can be tiresome for others at times. It may be that you are not paying enough attention to the women who are interested to be able to pick up on it when they are vibing you. I think maybe you just need to try to be a little more aware of when to entertain and when to bring it down a notch and allow someone else to engage you. Balance if you will.

You are obviously smart, definitely witty, and your look great, especially with the new 'do, so I think perhaps you just need a little game. Also, no disrespect to chinadoll, but she is just a chick on an internet forum so I wouldn’t take her comment to much to heart.

Hey man I used to have the same problem. Females can sense desperation. Even if you aren’t intentionally acting desperate they shy away from any guy who appears desperate. While they do not want to be your boyfriend b/c you make yourself seem like you’re not in demand, they do want to be your friend b/c due to the fact that you’re having trouble finding women, you’re going to treat her extremely well.

I think all females need a guy who is just their friend. A guy they can talk to to help them with their relationship with another man. Being that guy isn’t as bad as you think. Don’t forget girls always have friends and if you’re a great guy in their eyes, they will put forth and effort to hook you up with one of their friends.

I am in a similar boat right now, myself. I am in love with a female who is with a scumbag of a guy. He owns her head and he, unfortunately, is her comfort zone. Despite the fact that he’s treated her like shit for 2 years, she can’t leave him because he’s shredded her self esteem down to nothing. Just don’t get yourself in this situation, be careful, b/c my whole situation is terrible… Watching a female you love just make a stupid decision right after another just eats away at your heart man. It makes you feel like less of a man to lose a girl of her quality to such a deushbag…

Thanks for letting me vent… lol… I kind of needed that… Yeah man, just be yourself, don’t show desperation, and hang in there, great things come to great people… Read ZEB’s post about his “Circle Theory.”

Take care and good luck! Get 'er done!

Hey Thanks, the ‘tone it down’ is the response I figured I would get, and I will try, but as difficult as it may be to believe, the things I do are not solely for others entertainment… do you never just want to see what you can climb and jump off of?
And yes I definately need to be more observant, I can’t count how many times that a few days after a party I will be thinking about something and it will dawn on me that a few girls were hitting on me… damn innattention.

And RickBravo if you just want to be friends, the easiest way I have found is to just completely ignore the fact that she likes you (I do that by accident) give her no more special attention than you do any other friend, don’t ignore her, just treat her like a guy friend (just don’t punch her as hard when things get rowdy).

Thanks Sabrina!! Yeah I would day game is definately lacking for me, but this wasn’t spawned by one comment from Chinadoll, this is the the offspring of years of “cute, sweet and nice” and once I was called “cold-hearted” but thats a different story.


A caveat:

A relationship has to include a certain amount of give & take. You have to adapt to her as much as you want her to adapt to you. Even decisions about what restaurant to go to tonight become battles if you each think that you should not have to “go against my nature.”

I’m not telling you to change so that you can find the right woman. I’m telling you that, when you find the right woman, you will say to yourself “Man! I’d give up jumping off the roof for her!” And it won’t feel like giving anything up, because you’ll fill the space with the fun of being with her.

(That’s what happened to me.)

This post is sooooo cute.

“Surprisingly brief?..yeah”

~ Cake

RickBravo- I have the same problem bro.

I just dont see the point of having girls that are just “friends”.
There is really no use.

Now friends with benefits, Thats ok in my book!!

I hate you 'Cake.


I agree some…and disagree some with most of these posts. First off. If you just want sex from random girls, change. If your looking for a real relationship, don’t…odd is not bad. If a girl is going to hook up with a stranger, it’s going to be the dark mysterious one. But if she’s going to date a guy, even fall in love, it’s gotta be the odd one.

Now, here is where I give advice, ready? Have fun, do your crazy things. If you think it’d be fun to jump off a buddy’s roof, go ahead. BUT once your done and your talking to one of your “just friends” give her all your attention. Your goal is to study her, watch her, listen to her. She’ll be flattered and impressed that someone so outgoing and boisterous is focusing on her to intently. Seriously, be odd, be attentive.

What everyone else said makes sense to me, the whole ‘don’t change who you are’ to make someone happy is true. however, if YOU’RE not completely happy being who you are, then surely you can change to make yourself more happy. if what you really need to be happy is to have a more meaningful relationship with someone then maybe you do need to change in order for that to happen. i think maybe your goofyness could be covering up your insecurity or inability to see certain deeper emotions in people and react to them. maybe you just don’t know what to do when a girl seems bummed out except to make her laugh. i think some girls really appreciate that, but once the funny wears off, there’s got to be something else there, like a shoulder to cry on etc. you need a serious side in order to really experience the relationship you’re looking for. it’s more a depth of personality that is attractive to women. is there a guy friend you have who you always are maybe jealous of his relationships? maybe next time you’re together, observe how he does things, and maybe pick up a few pointers. of course, that means not joking and laughing and just being quiet and observing :wink: which is hard for you. i hope this doesn’t sound harsh, and of course i’m not a psychologist, but that’s my first gut reaction to your question. i think you’re hiding something :wink: don’t be afraid of it, in fact, if you could just talk to a girl about it i bet she would think it’s cute too… hehe, like us t-vixens here.

something else that’s probably a strange concept for such a party animal as yourself, but you might try to meet people online. with your great personality, you could easily make conversation with people. and then you can email or chat online where you don’t necessarily ‘see’ each other and that can sometimes take out some of the factors you’re having trouble with. just a modern option. i’ve met a lot of nice people that way…

Like everyone said, don’t change who you are just to get some. Unless all you want is a hookup. You’re problem mainly sounds like you’re too shy to just come right out and approach a girl. So acting wild is alot easier than going after a girl you want. I’m not saying to “change” but shit if it ain’t working try something different. This isn’t to say you should put on a facade 24/7, just settle down long enough to actually notice those “signs” you don’t notice well, and get used to talking to the ladies.