T Nation

T-men and attractive women

It has been my observation in the gym over the years that guys whom people here in the T-community would regard as true T-men rarely seem to have ‘hot chicks’ as girlfriends or wives(at least here in Australia). I mean guys who take their training very seriously, guys who train like a man, guys who bust their ass in the gym and as a result have good bodies, guys who never miss workouts, guys who are dedicated to their nutritional plans, etc… are seldom seen with women whom other people ogle at. I’m not saying that we go out with womem who are unattractive. It just seems that we do not attract your typical hottie at the clubs or at the beach. These ladies seem more attracted to men who are refined and sophisticated (the so-called model look). Instead, we seem to attract females who are more ‘reserved’ in their outward appearance but definately more stable and profound. Women who appreciate the T-quality in men. Has this been your observation as well? Any comments?

There are several reasons for the phenomenon. But first, I think it should be established that there are well-built men an well-built women that date each other. I do, however, see what you’re talking about. I think the largest reason for this is that men and women look for different qualities in the opposite sex. Men hold a higher value of a woman’s physical appearance, including the body, and women hold a higher value of a man’s ability to provide for children (which encompasses several abilities). A common thought in a man is, “hey, I’m looking for a girl with a good body, so why I don’t I get a good body so they’ll like me!” Unfortunately, projection doesn’t always carry over well.

My two cents - I am 40 and generally regarded as pretty successful with a great career. I think my lifestyle is also generally T man oriented. Girls and women that are really hot and desireable are attracted to money and power. I know I was probably better looking 15 years ago and my physique was somewhat tighter. Guess what, 25 yr. old models wouldn’t give me a second look. If I wasn’t happily married with two great kids I would have no problem landing them now. Such is life! Money and power attracts the beautiful and shallow.

Ah! hedo points out another strong attraction - being taken. You can’t beat it for picking up other girls.

I’m pretty hideous, but I’ve managed to date many attractive women over the years. My current girlfriend is quite a hottie and gets hit on wherever we go.

But, they have not been interested in health and fitness as much as me or train regularly. Each one that I’ve dated has gotten more into it as the relationship went on, and my current girl is trying to stick to a set routine and eating right. She’s even motivated some friends of hers to start training and eating right.

It is unusual that we live a healthy lifestyle and enjoying working out or participating in athletics, but we rarely seem to date or attract the hotties that we really want. Why is that?

It’s not what you look like, what your job is, how many degrees you have, etc it’s how you make them feel! (well that’s what all those ‘how to be a player’ articles say) That’s how guys who work @ 7-11 or who drop out of school etc can get such hotties. Plus they don’t give a shit about anything (someone else will put up a link to that how to get laid t-mag style article). Maybe guys who worry so much about their appearances have the same problem as beautiful girls, like a guy will always notice his imperfections & they think that girls won’t like how his calves look if he wears shorts or something.

Sooo, to be considered beautiful - you need to be shallow, self-centered and greedy? WTF?

Yes, Patricia, it helps ugly folk like me feel better to believe that all beautiful people are shallow, disgusting, self-centered creatures on the inside.

(Note: Sarcasm was used in the post above. :slight_smile: )

I think us true t-men are a bit more sophisticated and judge a woman a lot more than just her looks.

Patricia- Not at all. I know lots of beautiful women who are not like that at all. My reference was a generalization of a stereotype we all run accross particularly in my neck of the woods (NY/NJ). I was fortunate and found a beautiful women who was not shallow, likes to work out and is brilliant. That’s why I’m married. My observation was based on the fact that of all the models and aspiring actress’s I have met in NY most were dating frumpy investment bankers and attorney’s not hardbody construction workers and working guys. Just an observation. Since I was an investment banker I always found that amusing.

I have been married for 14 years, and have 2 kids, so I have a schedule where I go to sleep early and get up 4:30 AM every morning to go to the gym. If my wife was real hot and liked to party, she would have divorced me long ago.

It’s not that to be beautiful you have to be shallow and greedy, but that’s the stereotype, and stereotypes while not always “true” are around for a reason.

At least from what I’ve seen, the really “hot” girls (by society’s standards) are usually snobby spoiled shallow sorority slut types. USUALLY. Obviously there are beautiful women who are great people.

Personally I don’t even find “hot chicks” attractive anymore. Everyone around here (I live in a dorm) has their walls plastered with pictures of girls from Maxim etc. and they sit around and talk about how hot all these chicks are. THey really just don’t do it for me. Whee, bleached blond hair and implants, how uniquely beautiful.

Maybe us T-types ironically value non-asthetic qualities of women more. Or maybe I’m just wierd. Who knows. :slight_smile:

Main problem for T-men and T-Vixen when trying to find a valuable partner: we’re often see as elite and people(most of them) fear it. I’m a beautiful man, I’m intelligent, physically fit and study in a high-paying domain(fiscality) and it took time to find a woman. It meet her in a kickboxing (real one) class, she was independant, strong-willed, ex-volley-ball, ex-cross-country, captain of athletism team and doing her master degree. I was quite lucky 'cuz she was single and searching the same time as me.

I ask you, would you like to be with someone more physically fit, intelligent and successful than you? People similar tend to gravitate around each other because they share similar traits. If a woman feels like she’s less whatever than you, you’re not likely to keep her long with you. Same way for you, I’m quite sure.

Patricia: Of course not! You can be ugly and shallow OR beautiful and resourceful! There, you’re reassured ??? :0)

My 2 cents,


It’s not always the case that beautiful women are gold-diggers, or heartless thrill-seekers, or only date people in the “club,” although you’re right in pointing out the stereotype!

A good body helps, but unless you look like a Greek god, it’s more of an item to put on a list that makes you “dateable” (or whatever the euphemism is for “fuck” this year.)

Women are people, even the gorgeous ones. And there’s shitty people and good people. So the stereotype exists, and I believe it’s probably the norm; however, YOU need to decide what YOU want, and then tailor your approach accordingly.

If you just want casual sex, then your attitude is far more important than your body. Be cocky and funny. NOT an asshole, just cocky and funny.

If you want a good woman to keep around for a while, add a little genuine warmth in with the cocky and funny.

No amount of good body will ever help you with a shitty attitude, at least not with women who don’t have a hidden agenda.

Hey guys and girls. Let me throw my two cents into this discussion. I am a 20 yr old college student attending Tulane University in New Orleans. At this school there are a decent number of hot florida/california/NYC, Long Island girls. Most are in sororities etc. Now on to me and my opinions. First I am not into drinking and the social scene at Tulane (being New Orleans and all) consists of drinking. I don’t enjoy drinking nor do I enjoy being one of those obnoxiously drunk guys who hits on women. So I think a lot of this discussion has to do with what your social scene is like. For me it is nonexistent. Second in regards to money I can say that money and power are attractive but at a certain point. I mean I am still very much under my parents, but I am fortunate to have a nice car, nice clothes, nice things in general. Girls do notice this, but college girls don’t seem to care as much in everyday going to class life. I think girls care more about what a guy aka a boyfriend type of guy can offer them and that is where money comes into play. Sorry for the long post, but inevitably women confuse me, but I wouldn’t mind dating a girl who cared as much about her body as I do about mine. Peace!

Let me through in my nickel minus 3 pennies.

I kinda agree with the orginal statement. But its going to depend on the guy and his look. You can look great and get lots of hot chicks or you can get none. With females its always going to come down to your personality. With guys too but to a lesser extent. Guys who do nothing but lift, read T-mag, and watch sports will have a hard time meeting ladies. Even if you have a good personality you have to get by the sterotype that beautiful poeple are dumb, selfish and snobs. If you can get your foot in the door, display a good personality, then a T-man has a better chance than a rich guy to get the girl. The problem is the rich guy already has his foot in the door. The door of a BMW.

one last thing…

to find a hot girl who likes built guys just go to a gym. Now you have to find the girl who is busting her butt with the weights not the cardio queen on the treadmill. Your chances are a lot better if she likes to deadlifts and heavy bench press.

Hey Gokuryu good post. I was a little offended about the foot in the door of a Beamer (just kidding), but your point about reading t-mag, lifting, and watching sports was well said. Basically it comes down to do you do the social things necessary to facilitate interactions with members of the opposite sex. My situation and point was that sometimes people are in situations where the social setting is difficult to handle if you have other priorities (i.e. not drinking, not doing drugs, getting up in the morning and hitting the iron etc). But like any t-man I don’t like to make excuses so I have begun to chat up some of the ladies in the gym, and I find that just asking a question really gets the conversation rolling. just adding some more cents. :slight_smile:

As Ko and I were disposing of a large pizza and two pitchers of beer last night, this topic came up.
When looking for that sig other, it all boils down to where you’re at in life at the moment. Some of you are in college and work fulltime and have this interest of the body beautiful. What time do you have for a sig other? Also, if you want someone with similar interests - then, more than likely that gal will be as busy as you. THEN, what time do you have to spend with each other?
Another thing? You know what made me initiate my seperation and eventual divorce from my (now ex) husband? The fact that we weren’t friends. Sure, we were husband and wife, but if it weren’t for that - I wouldn’t want to spend time with him. I realized that he didn’t have the qualities that I liked in my friends. So - after “waking up” - I left.
However, with Ko? He’s my best friend. He’s my equal. He makes less money than I. But does that matter? Nope. Cuz, he’s a good, intelligent person (and yes, physically attractive). We have similar interests and both of us are driven (professionally, athletically and creatively). That thar is the bullseye for me.
Oh, one more than I’m off of my soap box. Beautiful people (in my book), are the ones that look beyond the superficial. They are not driven by greed or are self-centered. But their “beauty” is more from that glow that is from a love/enjoyment of life.

to Patricia:

Admit your only w/ Ko because he’s a great chef…:0)