T Nation

T-man looking for some t-vixen advice (i.e. Karma or Gang-o-babes)

Sorry for the long subject title. I went out with this girl lets call her ‘Sara’ she’s the only woman I fell in love with at first site which I never believed could happen untill it happened. That was Novemmber 29th 1999.
Well we went out 1st time for 3 weeks and we broke up later we went out again because she admitted she was scared the 1st time we went out. We went out regularly for about 6 months and saw each other at work almost everyday but she never open her heart to me. On my 31st birthday I ask her if I was more than a friend she smiled that smile and nodded shyly a yes.
She is the only woman that makes me stop and take a breadth every time I see her, I love her more today but alas 2 months after my 31st birthday we were invited to a couples only dinner I assumed we were a couple I ring her up to go and she said she was going as a single well I was stunned later she stormed out of her office crying for no reason that I understand. That was Septemeber 2000 since then I have gone out with seveeral beautiful women but no one compares to her. We are still friends but she always spoke of things to me that were safe, you know her house, investments, hobbies but recently she told me things of a personal nature (assertiveness classes, profit she made selling her home, investment properties)
My question to you t-vixens is am I nuts to still love this woman after almost 3 years?
How do I win her heart?
I believe if you feel strongly about someone its your obligation to take action, thats what I did initially but its like she has this fear to pursue a permanent relationship. I would marry her tomorrow given the chance.
Any suggestions? The only clues I have is she had a boyfriend she lived with when she was 21 - 28 that she knew as a friend for 2 years before they were together and she was deeply hurt by that. Also though very attractive she does lack assertiveness hence the course shes doing.
Well t-vixens I know I should forget her which I sought have done by going out with other women but I still love her. Any suggestions or do you need more info. waiting for her truly in love topkat.

Yeowch! I am sorry to hear your story. I know some people believe in “love at first sight” but I feel firmly against any such sort of thing. There may be attraction, infatuation, lust, curiosity or any number of other things at first sight, but love requires KNOWING a human being inside and out and that only comes with time and A LOT of open, reciprocal communiciation - which you have not had with this woman. What you felt/feel may strike you as “love” (since you’ve never felt this way before) but I don’t understand how it could possibly be love when only recently she started sharing “personal” things like investment income, mortgage profits and a class she’s taking. Sorry to disappoint, but these things don’t strike me as “personal” things. Stuff about the depths of pain she felt when her old relationship ended, or stuff about her joys and sorrows growing up, stuff about her relationships with parents and peers - this is more “personal” than investment income. Has she shared this with you? Have you asked yourself what it is that you actually know about her that causes you to love her? Or is it just all the fantasy stuff you’ve projected onto her?

I wouldn’t say that you should try to forget about her by dating other women…that rarely works. Instead, I think you should deal with what is the crux of your problem - her. SHE’S the one that says you are more of a friend but then won’t give you the time of day - call her on it in a polite but confrontational manner. Whatever her issues are about her ex-boyfriend, she needs to sort those out herself or she’ll never be any good for/to you.

This is a real shit of a problem. No offense Karma but if he says he is in love he knows it. I was in love once a year ago and it doesn’t REALLY go away only gets less strong. It is like that Van Halen song “How do I know when it’s love?” “I can’t tell you but it lasts forever.” Anyways… Don’t let her be aware of your infatuation with her. Just play it cool and be cocky/funny around her. You can make yourself the tough guy and THEN you can show some personal feelings to her so that she sees you as a complicated manly man (it helps to be big and ripped which I am assuming you are) as opposed to a wussy boy who tries to act tough. See the difference? Make sure that you don’t neglect training though…if you are as in love as I was then training comes second (the only time in my LIFE that it did). She sounds like she is interested in you and scared of committment at the same time. Take it slow and she will eventually fall madly in love with you and you will live happily ever after! (:

I’m going to be honest; I’ve never seen a situation like this work out for anyone. Ever. You might be the exception, and I hope you do live happily ever after. In my general experience, though, a relationship is doomed from the moment that the man is more emotionally invested in it than the woman. Whatever you do, don’t let her know how you feel about her (at least, not entirely), because you’ll scare her off for good. I’d suggest starting over with a new girl, though.

THANKS guys and girl this post has really helped and made me think clearly especially Karma’s perspective.

Karma, I can’t believe you don’t believe in love at first sight. I do! I fell in love with you the minute I saw your pic! lol :wink:
Keep up the good work:)

But seriously, buddy, this is a no win situation for ya! It never really works out well. I felt like that for a girl and never got a chance with her. I still think of her, ya never forget I guess. But its best to move on. Since you talk to her almost everyday that could be hard. Best bet is not to try to push it much, have fun while ya with her and date other girls. Maybe one day she will get some senses back and she will realize the potential situation at hand. But don't waite for it, its just going to tear at your heart. Best of luck in what you do. I figure you will do what you want to do and whats in your heart.

Quit being a little bitch and suck it up

She makes you strong and weak at the same time, huh? (God! thats like, SO spiderman!). crikey, many people never fall in love! you lucky bloke, you! maybe ive got the wrong end of the stick, but… get to know her. If i knew your situ better, i’d be tempted to say can relate… it seems to me important to understand her - how she thinks, and percieves things. get to know what you’ll be in for. dont let go of objectivity and rationalism. 'cuz if you do, an the shi* hits the fan, you might regret it…?
shrugs
good luck, bud.