It seems like I start every post with "In the last year i've gone from 336lbs to 208, blah blah blah". So with that out of the way.
I need surgery to get rid of the loose skin.
I finally manned up and went to the doctors this morning to see what the state of play was. Sometimes I thought "Its just fat, keep on dieting and it'll go. Stop being a pussy" and other times I thought "Maybe it is loose skin". Never thought it was that bad though.
So I went into the docs office this morning, explained, lifted my shirt up and he had a good squeeze around it. There is a little bit of 'wrinkly' skin on the front of my belly, and thats all I thought it was, definately shrinkable, if not dietable.
Turns out I was wrong. That big old flabby tyre is, in the words of the doc, "Mainly redundant skin, with a touch of fat." Makes me sound like a fucking main meal. Just add pepper to taste.
So then he goes through the options, basically "It needs cutting off, who's going to do it? A plastic surgeon. (yes, a 'question talker') Who's going to pay for that? Maybe the NHS. (Side note, i'm from the UK, we have 'free' healthcare, some cosmetic procedures are covered) But there are no guarantees. If not, you'll have to get the credit card out"
So, I went home, spoke to my Mum, who has been "worried" that I was getting obsessed with it. Too right I was! She's going to get my consult to see what the options are, and is willing to pay for it if thats what needs doing. Which i'm really grateful for.
However, i'm gutted, totally fucking gutted. Gutted that I cant do this on my own anymore. Gutted that I let myself get so fat that I need surgery to fix it. Was any of those pizza's worth it. Hell no.
I put on about 80lbs in 18 months after my Dad died, I found my comfort in food. Was it right? No. It's not an excuse, its a reason. I know I fucked up on that score. But to have lost close to 130lbs, and then be told "Yeah, you've done well, but that ball bag on your gut is permanent", - flat out sucks.
I'm getting the surgery it seems, but I feel so dejected. Give a fuck if this isn't 'T-Man' style posting, i'm sure some of you relate to this. And I needed a place to vent. I'm sure it'll be worth it in the end. My life has markedly improved in the last 12 months, but I just feel sick. Sick having to face up with what I did to myself.