T Nation

Suppose You Were In Love

Suppose you were married to the most beautiful woman in the world. Suppose you loved her more than anything and the most important thing in you life was to make her happy. Suppose you had never cheated on her, and never would cheat on her even if you didn’t love her so much because you’re a man of your word. But you do love her so it’s not even an issue.

Now suppose you were also in love with someone else. Equally beautiful, equally perfect, just not your wife.

It’s not a worry about hurting your wife, because you’d never do that. The problem is it’s driving you insane. You see, you have to spend at least ten to twelve hours a day, often more time than you spend with your wife, with this other woman in fairly intimate circumstances and getting away from that is just not an option. The emotional conflict is starting to screw up your sleep, your work, your workout, your school, everything.

How in the hell do you make those feelings go away???

Not another one of these. This isn’t you again Stuck is it?

I had a similar problem with a beautiful secretary who let me know that she was interested in me also. I just bite the bullet and kept thinking about my wife and lived with it. The secretary worked for me for 10 years and I worked with her when she was in another capcity for an additional 10 years. The feelings don’t totally disappear but the insanity part does. So the options are to change jobs or learn to live with it and don’t let temptation screw up your life because it will if you give in. I’m sure a bunch of macho monkeys on this board will tell you to jump in the sack with her but my advice would be to do the “right” thing and honor your committment to your wife.

You realize that this is nothing more than “transfer of affection” resulting from your time spent together, that you really have nothing else in common other than that, and that the feelings will pass when the time together stops (or diminishes). Actually, this infatuation phase only lasts 6 months to 2 years anyway (even in a marriage). After that point, you are either tied to your promise and work at the relationship, or let it die (as is the case in a lot of divorces).

You’re more likely to not be in love with one or the other of them, just infatuated. It happens and it’s up to you to realize that you’re probably not in love with this other chick. The easiest answer is to stay away from her, no matter what it takes. Or leave your wife if you can’t control yourself, and BEFORE you cheat on her. You already know what the right thing to do is - now do it.

everytime you start thinking intimate thoughts about this other woman just imagine your wife boinking some other guy and how that makes you feel. that should deflate you a bit. i know it does me. kevo

first you are not in love with the other chick, maybe lust, maybe friends, maybe etc… or if you are in love with her then you are not in love with your wife (which I don’t think is the case). but if makeing your wife happy IS the most important thing why can’t you “get away from that” ? I take that it is work related, well then GET ANOTHER JOB!! you may say " i put too much time into my career to just change jobs" well don’t you want to put that much and more time into your marriage? if you don’t want to change jobs then stop the “I would do anything to make her happy” shit 'cause you don’t mean it!!! peace

Get a new job. Or invite the “other” woman over and have a threesome! And be sure to EAT MORE PUSSY!

God bless you, Nate.

Solution: get really drunk for a couple of days. Maturbate while thinking of the other chick, then go to your wife, give her a big hug and tell her you love her while forgeting about the other bitch. Don’t be a low-life,cheating cock sucking bastards. If you think the other woman will make you happy, she won’t. It’s fine now, but it will be routine. Besides, nobody is ever adequately prepared for the utter hell destroying your own marriage like.

Quit trying to avoid them and just feel them then let them pass without action. Feelings are not dangerous they are only bad if they are acted on in a knee jerk fashion. I would go buy a book called Emotional Intelligence and examine what you are really feeling my guess is that you are not as strongly bonded as you may feel right now. peace, K

The myth that you can only love one person is perpetuated by the belief that love is a finite, scarce resource – that each person has only so much, and no more. That belief is patently false. People have infinite capacity for love. Your love for your wife does not diminish your love for this other person, and visa versa. Acknowledge that and seek to cultivate an open marriage with your wife.

See a LICSW or a Shrink.

Brock

mike, let me just say that the love I have for mine can NOT be equaled by any other, whether it can (in reality) or not is NOT important, the fact that I believe it can not is NOT a negative! I DO believe that you can only love ONE the most, even you would agree (I assume) that everything has limmits and if that is true then one would be first, one would be second, one would be third, etc…(maybve I am wrong but I just do NOT believe that emotions can be =). whether I am correct or not is NOT the point, the point is that for emotional well being and the continuation of our spiecies(in the big picture) the concept is correct (IMO). I think for “us” to continue the best thing is the concept of “one for you”, you may not agree but I hope you know what I meen. peace. hetyey225

Brocker:

WTF!!! That’s it??? I’m disappointed!!! I read the initial post then I saw that you had replied. I remembered what you told that other guy who cheated and I thought “oh shit this guy is in for it”. What did you forget to take your steroids??? Is this really Brock??? Hey TC Chris someone is impersonating Brock!!! Maybe Cy was causing mischief and replaced Brocks Mag-10 with Estro-10. Bad Cy!!! :slight_smile:

Keago

Agreed on the loving more than 1 person, but you can only be devoted to 1. Get over it. Guys think of boinking everything that they see. You made a vow to God about your devotion, so honor it. If you can’t handle that, get divorced. Take 1/4 of your stuff, give 1/4 to your beloved wife and 1/2 to a lawyer

What is this, dickhead day on the board?! Grow the fuck up and be faithful. Of course you can love more than one woman at a time, but if you’re married and claim to be devoted to your wife, then this other one shouldn’t be a problem. Instead of growing balls, adopt some morals.

I cant find one good girl and this fuckers got two!

For the most part, thanks, I appreciate your comments, they echo my own thoughts that it has to be waited out. No, this isn’t a work thing, I could switch jobs if it was. Just believe me when I say it can’t be avoided. For those that can’t read (aka Bronx Bomber), this isn’t about cheating or even thinking about cheating! It IS about having feelings that conflict with other feelings.

Hey, moron, You’re the one that needs to read. I never said cheating, did I? You post on the board a lame Nora Roberts plot and expect to be coddled? You claim utter devotion to your wife yet the same for this other woman. There are no limits to love but there are rules to devotion. What’s going on between you and this other woman that you’re in love with her? Rather intimate? If you don’t work in porn or edible panty tasting, then it can’t be that intimate where you “just” love this “perfect” woman with nothing going on. Sure, there’s lust, and there’s thoughts of being with someone wondering what life would be with them, but if it’s where it’s screwing with your sleep, workouts, etc, then either you have mental problems or are just a juvenile prick that doesn’t know how to separate love from simple attraction. Just you posting this and how you start out sounds a lot like you’re just trying to convince yourself of these claimed emotions. But I guess you came on the board, thought you would post a “I have two perfect women, what do I do?” question and just get a pat on the back and an ol “stick to your wife”. Well F you and I still question your morals and honor.